I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, 'You were a good boy onstage and you did your show, so now you can have some cake and ice cream.'
Steven Wright
Related I love chocolates. It could be something as simple as a chocolate cake with vanilla ice-cream, or it... RANVEER SINGH When you're stressed, you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled b... ANONYMOUS You can show me some stick ice cream and I can tell you if it's good or not just looking at it. O. WINSTON LINK My fix is a big piece of chocolate layered cake, my mom's recipe for old-fashioned chocolate cream p... ANNE BYRN I love ice cream, and I love chocolate. CAMILA ALVES You can pour melted ice cream on regular ice cream. It's like a sauce! CHRIS PRATT Ice cream is the perfect buffer, because you can do things in a somewhat lighthearted way. Plus, peo... JERRY GREENFIELD I like playing make-believe. And my brothers do it with me, so it's fun. It's almost better ... MADYLIN SWEETEN On September twentieth every year, I got to choose my menu - meatloaf, corn niblets, and rice were f... DONALD HALL Every two months, I allow myself a splurge day where I eat thick, doughy pizza from Pizzeria Uno or ... DYLAN LAUREN Eating ice cream and not exercising is great. The downside is your health isn't so good. JEFF BRIDGES You can't be the dad who takes your kid out after your wife has said, 'No ice cream,' bu... HOWIE MANDEL I'm always wearing Spanx, eating ice cream and feeling a bit lonely. SHERIDAN SMITH Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in Ja... STEVEN WRIGHT I hope you aren’t holding an ice cream cone against your chest, ’cause your heart just warmed—... AZIZ ANSARI Forget the fake syrupy stuff. Melt down a bar of chocolate, mix it into some warmed up whipping crea... BLAKE LIVELY I eat anything, especially sweets. Chocolate, cookies, and I love mint-chip ice cream. MARY MCCORMACK I love chocolate, and I love ice cream. That's a double whammy there. I constantly have to check... TONY CARDENAS Cycling keeps me lean and I need to stay in shape, especially as I still like eating chocolate and i... MARK WEBBER During the whole thing we serve ice cream, too, Neapolitan or chocolate, vanilla or strawberry. Ever... CAROL WITHERS When I'm on a strict eating regimen, at some point I have to have French fries, a cheeseburger a... CIARA The only things you can truly love after such a short time are ice cream flavors and comfortable sho... JANETTE RALLISON I don't drink liquor, but I do like chocolate ice cream soda. ANNE MEARA I've eaten ice cream from all over the world, but until you've tasted Graham's from Gene... IRVINE WELSH Someone is putting brandy in your bonbons, Grand Marnier in your breakfast jam, Kahlua in your ice c... MARIAN BURROS Everything was chocolate ice cream and kisses and wind. FRANCESCA LIA BLOCK Me: Cake, brownies, ice cream? GO! Zach: Yes. Me: NO! Pick one! HURRY Me: I’m at th... TEAGAN HUNTER Believe me, I love a good chocolate chip ice cream. I'm not going to go for some lousy version o... CHRISTIE BRINKLEY When my book was first sent out to publishers, my agent told me to buy a lot of ice-cream and wait. ... SARAH REES BRENNAN I eat many different ice creams. I'm not an ice cream snob, although I do think Ben & Jerry&... JERRY GREENFIELD Ice cream was my undoing, and six chocolate milk shakes in a row were nothing to me at one time. KATE SMITH I eat healthy, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy myself. I eat ice cream and chocolate, as... ANDIE MACDOWELL I usually take the first batch of some ice cream, eat it, and then about an hour later, at halftime ... ERIC WEDDLE Aside from the obvious chocolate cookies and ice cream, chocolate can be used in a variety of ways f... MARCUS SAMUELSSON I used to know Ukrainian fluently. Now I can say some things - ice cream, I love you, school, go to ... CARRIE CHYKALIUK I've been experimenting more and more with LN2, liquid nitrogen. I've used it in battle on &... CAT CORA I'm obsessed with frozen yogurt because you don't feel totally guilty eating it. It's no... CAROLINE SUNSHINE I have the best memories as a kid eating ice cream. It was a family tradition that I had with my fat... MICHAEL STRAHAN My secret indulgent food is dessert. I have an incredible sweet tooth - chocolate pudding with vanil... DEBORRA-LEE FURNESS Thankfully, I'm lucky enough to be able to eat ice cream. I've got to have my cookies and cr... ADRIAN PETERSON The term 'personal ambition' immediately puts me off. It feels like finding a sliver of onio... MAGGIE ROWE I like Kahlua and ice cream as a dessert. HAMILTON JORDAN I am angry that I starved my brain and that I sat shivering in my bed at night instead of dancing or... LAURIE HALSE ANDERSON I'm tempted by everything. My husband makes fun of me because every day it's a new food that... GAIL SIMMONS When I have bad days, I just eat lots of chocolate ice cream and dance to the 'Lion King' so... BLAKE LIVELY How do you say no when a little kid is asking you for ice cream? I know I can't say no to it mys... JIMMIE JOHNSON People have often asked me whether what I know about love has spoiled it for me. And I just simply s... HELEN FISHER I do everything: I'll have a green juice, then a melted chocolate ice cream. I stay up very late... LYKKE LI Now just the thought of eating ice cream puts pounds on me. DAVID NAIL Oh ... My twitchy witchy girl I think you are so nice, I give you bowls of porridge And I give you b... NEIL GAIMAN I love to eat - Kit Kats or cookies-and-cream ice cream. I need sugar like five times a day. KIM KARDASHIAN if you don't like ice-cream, you shouldn't like yourself.. either. CADIR LAMPE I'm not saying I don't enjoy the days that I'm not eating chocolate cake. But I do parti... TRISHA YEARWOOD I eat ice cream. It's better than booze. DEL SHANNON After I win a match, I celebrate it by having an ice cream. SAINA NEHWAL I like quinoa. I like gingerbread. I feel they should be kept separate. I'm not in favor of this... BEE WILSON I actually think the same things do make most people happy. The differences are extremely small, and... DANIEL GILBERT Logic and prudence are essential in a working Democracy; Without them, you are like eating ice cream... JECON B. NADELA Scoops of mint ice cream with chips of chocolate cows. JIM BISHOP Scientifically, it has been proven that after three bites, your palate has been satisfied. It doesn&... MIREILLE GUILIANO You scream, I scream, we all scream for ice cream AMERICAN PROVERB I spent my summers in Connecticut scooping ice cream and babysitting. GRACE GUMMER My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on y... THORNTON WILDER I'm a total protein shake junkie nerd. I get creative every morning - you never know what you... CHRISTINA PERRI New clothes are a great way to deal after a breakup. A good mix CD also helps you get through it and... JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT Sometimes I do give in to a scoop of sitaphal ice cream from Naturals or a chocolate chip cookie. TWINKLE KHANNA You can buy ice cream for two cans and hamburger and chips for six cans. ALAN REED Love ice cream. I let myself have that about once a week. Vanilla. TIM TEBOW I usually try to eat in my restaurants before I fly, as I'd rather sleep on the plane and just o... DANIEL BOULUD I'm a fan of polarization. If you make something that is palatable to everybody, it's like m... CHRIS STAPLETON I never carry a purse. My iPhone is always with me, a credit card, and a piece of mint chocolate chi... RACHEL G. FOX I'd like to have a kid, and I'd like to be driving around. I know a kid is going to be a big part of... ADAM SANDLER I was so unhealthy. I used to go to 'Cold Stone Creamery,' get a tub of Butterfinger ice cre... VANESSA HUDGENS At my restaurant, we made a dessert called 'milk and honey.' It's milk ice cream that lo... DANIEL HUMM I've learnt that if I tell myself I'm not allowed something, I binge on it later. So if I wa... GERI HALLIWELL People get caught up in the idea that health is just what you look like and what you eat, but your h... CATE CAMPBELL Nothing has ever been so painful or delicious as being so close to him and being unable to do anythi... LAUREN OLIVER Being married means I can [break wind] and eat ice cream in bed. BRAD PITT I didn't mind staying home from school and medicating myself with vanilla ice cream and chocolat... SAM KEAN The only thing that ultimately matters is to eat an ice-cream cone, play a slide trombone, plant a s... RAY MANZAREK Sure, I like ice cream, but when you keep a healthy lifestyle, it's: Do you prefer sweets and cr... TIM HOWARD Ice-cream is exquisite - what a pity it isn't illegal. VOLTAIRE I worked at an ice cream parlor called Chadwicks. We wore old-timey outfits and had to bang a drum, ... AMY POEHLER It's hard in the firehouse to avoid the dessert thing. At 3 in the morning after some emergency,... CAROLINE PAUL You hate cake doughnuts." "Of course," says Mirren. "But we didn't get the cake, we got glazed ... E.LOCKHART So yes, I do want to try and keep things going if I can. I have a few things brewing... And if it do... RUPERT GRINT A good night's sleep, or a ten-minute brawl, or a pint of chocolate ice cream, or all three together... RAY BRADBURY A good night sleep, or a ten minute bawl, or a pint of chocolate ice cream, or all three together, i... RAY BRADBURY I do some dairy. I'm careful on that; it needs to be hormone free. But everybody has to have ice... LEE HANEY I once in a while cheat and have a little ice cream, and then I kind of blame myself. DAVID H. MURDOCK I don't always have the best eating habits. I like butter and ice cream. There are days when I s... FLORENCE GRIFFITH JOYNER My love for ice cream emerged at an early age - and has never left! GINGER ROGERS My love for ice cream emerged at an early age--and has never left! GINGER ROGERS Youre gonna grow up and marry some ice cream! Haha! JEFF KINNEY Life is like an ice-cream cone, you have to lick it one day at a time. CHARLES M. SCHULZ I should probably confess that ice cream is my favorite food, and I eat it every night. When I go gr... BECCA FITZPATRICK My indulgences are Skittles and rum raisin ice cream. SANYA RICHARDS-ROSS Yeah, we did it (the chant). Ice cream is kind of an inside joke for our team. But this was not a da... COLLEEN BIEBEL The time for crying with your girlfriends about a broken heart is over chocolate ice cream and ... ALLY CARTER [An example: People want to be remembered for great things, such as contributing to humanity, he say... DANE COOK
More Steven Wright
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STEVEN WRIGHT I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral ... STEVEN WRIGHT I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. STEVEN WRIGHT If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, d... STEVEN WRIGHT I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. STEVEN WRIGHT I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an... STEVEN WRIGHT I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.' STEVEN WRIGHT I intend to live forever. So far, so good. STEVEN WRIGHT A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. STEVEN WRIGHT Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories. STEVEN WRIGHT In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be... STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature. STEVEN WRIGHT Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. STEVEN WRIGHT I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. STEVEN WRIGHT Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. STEVEN WRIGHT I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.' STEVEN WRIGHT At one point he decided enough was enough. STEVEN WRIGHT I thought I would be a guy on the radio. STEVEN WRIGHT I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that w... STEVEN WRIGHT Like other kids wanted to become firemen or astronauts, I wanted to make people laugh. STEVEN WRIGHT It seems like we wake up and it's a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and ... STEVEN WRIGHT I laugh all the time - at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don't laugh onstage because th... STEVEN WRIGHT I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and g... STEVEN WRIGHT I didn't want to be selling insurance at 40, wondering what would it have been like to do stand-... STEVEN WRIGHT I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding. STEVEN WRIGHT So, do you live around here often? STEVEN WRIGHT I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way thro... STEVEN WRIGHT Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it beca... STEVEN WRIGHT I was always making my friends laugh, but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom. STEVEN WRIGHT I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing film... STEVEN WRIGHT I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11. STEVEN WRIGHT I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add. STEVEN WRIGHT I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for thre... STEVEN WRIGHT When I die, I'm gonna leave my body to science fiction. STEVEN WRIGHT Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really ex... STEVEN WRIGHT It usually helps me write by reading - somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear. STEVEN WRIGHT I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I t... STEVEN WRIGHT You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The... STEVEN WRIGHT I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he di... STEVEN WRIGHT I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don't. STEVEN WRIGHT I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, ... STEVEN WRIGHT I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything. STEVEN WRIGHT There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalato... STEVEN WRIGHT It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. STEVEN WRIGHT I've always had to conquer fear when I'm on stage. Basically, I was and still am a very shy ... STEVEN WRIGHT OK, so what's the speed of dark? STEVEN WRIGHT Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in Ja... STEVEN WRIGHT I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking', but I don't have that much time. STEVEN WRIGHT I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I... STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific. STEVEN WRIGHT Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home. STEVEN WRIGHT If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere i... STEVEN WRIGHT I invented the cordless extension cord. STEVEN WRIGHT I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy. STEVEN WRIGHT For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them f... STEVEN WRIGHT Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that d... STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during... STEVEN WRIGHT If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back? STEVEN WRIGHT My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage. STEVEN WRIGHT I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be assoc... STEVEN WRIGHT Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-g... STEVEN WRIGHT When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to ... STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically. STEVEN WRIGHT There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really inte... STEVEN WRIGHT I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not tryi... STEVEN WRIGHT I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I... STEVEN WRIGHT I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and force... STEVEN WRIGHT How young can you die of old age? STEVEN WRIGHT I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. STEVEN WRIGHT I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost. STEVEN WRIGHT Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it. STEVEN WRIGHT I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistical... STEVEN WRIGHT I'm going to get an MRI to find out whether I have claustrophobia. STEVEN WRIGHT I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side. STEVEN WRIGHT I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I... STEVEN WRIGHT I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black... STEVEN WRIGHT I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter. STEVEN WRIGHT If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too? STEVEN WRIGHT It's like the Wild West, the Internet. There are no rules. STEVEN WRIGHT Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? STEVEN WRIGHT When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually... STEVEN WRIGHT I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car. STEVEN WRIGHT On the other hand, you have different fingers. STEVEN WRIGHT I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the othe... STEVEN WRIGHT They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic. STEVEN WRIGHT I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. STEVEN WRIGHT All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand. STEVEN WRIGHT Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. STEVEN WRIGHT What a nice night for an evening. STEVEN WRIGHT If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. STEVEN WRIGHT If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you. STEVEN WRIGHT Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. STEVEN WRIGHT Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? STEVEN WRIGHT Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. STEVEN WRIGHT I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. STEVEN WRIGHT I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. STEVEN WRIGHT There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. STEVEN WRIGHT What's another word for Thesaurus? STEVEN WRIGHT I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head. STEVEN WRIGHT If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts. STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. STEVEN WRIGHT If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke? STEVEN WRIGHT You can't have everything. Where would you put it? STEVEN WRIGHT Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. STEVEN WRIGHT My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant... STEVEN WRIGHT I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. STEVEN WRIGHT My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right... STEVEN WRIGHT I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there. STEVEN WRIGHT If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? STEVEN WRIGHT If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer? STEVEN WRIGHT A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. STEVEN WRIGHT I like to reminisce with people I don't know. STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it. STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where’s the self-help section?' She said if she t... STEVEN WRIGHT My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out. STEVEN WRIGHT What happens if you get scared half to death twice? STEVEN WRIGHT George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a ... STEVEN WRIGHT Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go... STEVEN WRIGHT I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography. STEVEN WRIGHT Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night. STEVEN WRIGHT When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I ... STEVEN WRIGHT Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build... STEVEN WRIGHT I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke. STEVEN WRIGHT My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere. STEVEN WRIGHT I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious! STEVEN WRIGHT I never even thought of myself as deadpan until someone wrote an article about me about a year after... STEVEN WRIGHT I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world...... STEVEN WRIGHT If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? STEVEN WRIGHT It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It'... STEVEN WRIGHT I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. STEVEN WRIGHT I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. STEVEN WRIGHT I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes. STEVEN WRIGHT I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll c... STEVEN WRIGHT My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she lov... STEVEN WRIGHT When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'W... STEVEN WRIGHT Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect. STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map. It has "You are here" written all over it. STEVEN WRIGHT If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap... STEVEN WRIGHT You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows u... STEVEN WRIGHT Consciousness: That annoying time between naps STEVEN WRIGHT When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few m... STEVEN WRIGHT What's another word for Thesaurus? STEVEN WRIGHT There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. STEVEN WRIGHT Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I ... STEVEN WRIGHT It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. STEVEN WRIGHT If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer? STEVEN WRIGHT I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it. STEVEN WRIGHT I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. STEVEN WRIGHT Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. STEVEN WRIGHT Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ... STEVEN WRIGHT I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the li... STEVEN WRIGHT Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to... STEVEN WRIGHT I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize STEVEN WRIGHT The past week our bullpen threw a lot, especially with the doubleheaders in the (Rainbow) tournament... STEVEN WRIGHT In terms of visits, we're probably going to wind up 3 to 5 percent ahead in visits and probably doub... STEVEN WRIGHT The uncertainty is petrol prices, STEVEN WRIGHT Our modelling suggest bond yields should rise in line with the US by at least 1 per cent. The X fact... STEVEN WRIGHT Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. W... STEVEN WRIGHT I've known Ian for a while. It's not about beating the best pitcher. He's still my buddy. I'll proba... STEVEN WRIGHT I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. STEVEN WRIGHT It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it. STEVEN WRIGHT I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time. STEVEN WRIGHT I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote", so right before I die I could say "unquote" STEVEN WRIGHT If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is ma... STEVEN WRIGHT Comedians are sociologists. We're pointing out stuff that the general public doesn't even st... STEVEN WRIGHT Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even ... STEVEN WRIGHT When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never... STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature. STEVEN WRIGHT Sponges grow in the ocean. This bothers me. How deep would it be if they didn't? STEVEN WRIGHT Childhood was very nice. The only thing wrong was that I was so introverted, everything became a big... STEVEN WRIGHT Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life. STEVEN WRIGHT My favorite book is anything by Kurt Vonnegut - he's my literary hero. I got to meet him several... STEVEN WRIGHT I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. STEVEN WRIGHT I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so... STEVEN WRIGHT I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you�... STEVEN WRIGHT I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out... STEVEN WRIGHT Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. STEVEN WRIGHT I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving... STEVEN WRIGHT It's very interesting, the joke comes first and then the wording comes within five seconds, mayb... STEVEN WRIGHT