I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx
Related
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN I'll never forget the day when a woman came up to me and said, 'No, you could never be on a ...
GISELE BUNDCHEN The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW I don't mind aging - I'm glad to be aging. I'll never die young.
ELIZABETH MARSHALL THOMAS Everybody has got to die, but I always believed an exception would be made in my case. Now what?
WILLIAM SAROYAN The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX I never make exceptions. An exception disproves the rule.
ARTHUR DOYLE I never make exceptions. An exception disproves the rule.
ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE SR. But when I played Woodstock, I'll never forget that moment looking out over the hundreds of thou...
EDGAR WINTER I'll never tell a lie. I'll never make a misleading statement. I'll never betray the con...
JIMMY CARTER I will never wear something I'm not comfortable in, and if I do, you'll see it in my face, a...
ALIA BHATT You’re too much”, he said. “You talk too much, love too much, feel too much. And I don’t kno...
A BOOK I'LL NEVER WRITE I'll never forget one morning I walked in and I had a hell of a bruise - it had been a difficult...
VIDAL SASSOON Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d...
FRANK FERRANTE I'll be glad to reply to or dodge your questions, depending on what I think will help our electi...
GEORGE H. W. BUSH I know something quite sure. We'll never have peace with this Syrian regime. They'll never g...
WALID JUMBLATT Winning the Stanley Cup in '99 was a dream come true. I'll never forget it.
ED BELFOUR I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come ...
GROUCHO MARX One day we'll look back we'll smile and we'll laugh,but right now we just cry. Cuz it's so hard to s...
MILEY CYRUS I'll never forget where I'm from. It's essential to remain humble and evolving.
FREIDA PINTO Because I have never met anyone that I wanted in my life that way before.
But you.
I could...
KRYSTAL SUTHERLAND I'll never forget one time a fan came up to me crying, and told me, 'You really inspire me t...
BECKY G Oh my God, the graduate shows in London are so important! I still remember going to see John Gallian...
MARIO TESTINO I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD I feel about aging the way William Saroyan said he felt about death: Everybody has to do it, but I a...
MARTHA BECK I've been married three times, but I'll never forget my first trip as a young man, on my hon...
JOE PESCI I'll never be the biggest kind of star; I'll be like Bob Duvall, respected as an actor but a...
JOHN MALKOVICH People think because I can make them laugh on the stage, I'll be able to make them laugh in pers...
ROWAN ATKINSON My first love, I'll never forget, and it's such a big part of who I am, and in so many ways,...
RASHIDA JONES I wanted to make a point of basing myself at home, being close to my family. I'll never be able ...
RORY MCILROY I can touch my toes, but I bend in a strange way. I'll never be in the Olympics.
VALERIA GOLINO I just have this fear that I'll get on stage and there'll be that brief moment of adrenalin ...
DANIEL RADCLIFFE BET, I'll never, never, ever forget them for this wonderful blessing they gave to me, to be on t...
EL DEBARGE It's like you always have to put on a happy face, be the phony baloney, and I'm so not that....
CHLOE SEVIGNY I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX My singing is really important to me, but when children come along they'll be my main focus. I...
KATY PERRY I don't think people will ever forget I was an 'Angel', anymore than they'll forget ...
CHERYL LADD One day, you'll get out of the Marine Corps; you'll put your uniform up, but you'll neve...
JOHN F. KELLY I'll never forget the day that I was told I would have to have a mastectomy. My reaction to the ...
BETTY FORD I never think it's right to chew gum in front of other people, but a lot of times I'll come ...
JENNIFER LAWRENCE Never forget, a smile on your face gives you a good image
SOTONYE ANGA Well, I know that I'll never forget that, but also I won't forget the hundreds of people who...
GIL HODGES In case you ever foolishly forget: I am never not thinking of you.
VIRGINIA WOOLF I'll usually wash my face with a face wash, then I'll go to my makeup. I like to use Nip + F...
KYLIE JENNER I'll never forget Spencer Tracy. He only worked from nine to one - then from three to five again...
MAXIMILIAN SCHELL I'd always heard stories about how Harpo Marx was the most talkative of the Marx brothers. I fou...
HARMONY KORINE The genius of the Marx Brothers is for parody. They never are themselves. They exist too abundantly ...
MARK VAN DOREN It's a lot more comfortable, I must say. Ummm, I didn't think I'd be playing with anothe...
VIVIAN CAMPBELL I have never been accepted. I'll never make the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. They're never go...
NANCY SINATRA The fact I even get an opportunity to make one album is crazy. But if all goes to plan, I'll get...
VANCE JOY I'll often get obsessed with something for about three days, and I'll be utterly into it, an...
ED GAMBLE The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX I'll never forget anything about Middle Earth. That's part of my memory now so I won't m...
DAVID WENHAM In case you ever foolishly forget:
I am never not thinking of you.
VIRGINIA WOOLF At first I was queasy; I'll never forget the sound of the scalpel cutting a body open. But it wa...
JONATHAN DAVIS Puppet camp truly redefined my preconceptions of puppetry... I'll never forget learning that bef...
ROB MCCLURE I have pictures of me sitting in the racquetball court in my pajamas with an acoustic guitar, and Wo...
EDDIE VAN HALEN Mostly I'm proud to be an African-American woman, but I'm glad I have a universal look as we...
CHANEL IMAN Study what you love, and you'll never have to work a day in your life. It'll be one great ad...
DAVID GERROLD I'm not gangly; I'm very coordinated. I do have a bit of a baby face. But I guess that just ...
TIM ROBBINS If anybody has a bad day, they'll just come to my room because they know I'll bring out the ...
SIMONE BILES I'll never be August Wilson - but what I can be is more of myself.
KATORI HALL I'll never forget when me and Jason Matthews wrote the line, 'Don't be a tape player hat...
LUKE BRYAN The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH When you make the finding yourself - even if you're the last person on Earth to see the light - ...
CARL SAGAN I never make notes; just a few small details when I'm writing, but nothing much. The plot is nev...
RUTH RENDELL Jay-Z called me onstage during my song that I produced for 'Watch the Throne?' That was surr...
HIT-BOY I'll never forget the modelling shoot I did in the Bahamas on a pink sand beach at Harbour Islan...
OLGA KURYLENKO We've been asked to do 'Playboy' together, me and Victoria, as a pair. I don't think...
DAVID BECKHAM I know you think that when you're 35, 45, 55, you'll be different. But I'm going to let ...
FRANCINE PASCAL I think it's a problem when something's a dream because it'll never live up to your expe...
KARL PILKINGTON I remember an interview so terrible with CNN's Jon Klein, I nearly blurted out, 'Forget it, ...
MIKA BRZEZINSKI I'll always be Chinese first. It probably isn't politically correct to say or something that...
EDDIE HUANG I will never be in the stock market. It's just gambling. I'm a gambler, but I'll gamble ...
JEREMY RENNER I didn't want to be the archetypal sponging brother-in-law, so I didn't go into acting when ...
JOHN MAHONEY I'd love to be in a real boxing match, but I can't because of my face. I'm an actor!
STEPHANIE SIGMAN Now I ask you to make your sacrifice. Take a gamble. I took the plunge and I'm glad of it.
GLORIA MACAPAGAL ARROYO On my first day shooting '13 Going on 30,' Jennifer Garner had yellow tulips sent to my trai...
CHRISTA B. ALLEN You're not going to see me ever be partisan. I'll never take a position on a candidate or an...
CAMPBELL BROWN I think it'll be an emotional day. It'll be exciting for me, mostly it'll be exciting fo...
LATRELL SPREWELL Lately, I don't talk much except to Mel. I make an exception because he has a dog.
EILEEN GRANFORS I had a head start in acting. Because of my parents, I had a SAG card, an agent and a recognizable n...
MARY CROSBY I'll never forget my 24th birthday when my tooth got punched out. And for a second I was like, i...
EVAN RACHEL WOOD I wear a lot of black, but not in the goth way, I just really love black. I'll never be in pink ...
KIMBERLY CALDWELL I don't believe I'll be in the new 'Arrested Development' unless they ask me, in whi...
SIMON HELBERG It never crossed my mind to be a director, and I'll tell you why: because I'm a woman. It ju...
PATRICIA RIGGEN I'm a real bath addict. I could sit in a bath and soak for days on end, and you'll never see...
POPPY DELEVINGNE I'm just glad I can make a difference in someone's life.
TOMMY CHONG When my mother tells me to do something, I'll do my own thing. A strong character can be good, b...
ADELINA SOTNIKOVA I'll get in the face of anyone I think is wrong.
CARL PALADINO I like to knuckle down and get on with my job. I'll make mistakes, I'm bound to, but I'l...
PAUL INCE When I was 16 or 17, I remember kissing one of my first girlfriends, Kim Anderson, under a stairwell...
JOHN STAMOS If you ever meet an actor who's the child of actors, they'll never tell you that they wanted...
JACK DAVENPORT
More Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club
that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead
or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX