I never speak ill of dead people or live judges.

The only way I can lose is if I'm caught in bed with either a dead girl or a live boy.

[when told not to speak ill of the dead] 'Just because someone is dead does not mean they have changed!'

Death, especially violent death, will turn the meanest bastard in the world into a nice guy. Why is that?

People say I've had brushes with the law. That's not true. I've had brushes with overzealous prosecutors.

To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves.