I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Groucho Marx
Related I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes... GROUCHO MARX Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or ... GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it... GROUCHO MARX Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or ... GROUCHO MARX I'm famous today. People like me today. Might not like me tomorrow. You can't count on it. DAVE CHAPPELLE Best advice that I ever got is to do whatever it takes to make myself happy, so that I'll be abl... FLAVOR FLAV I can't just say one time of the year I'm going to do something different. I have to commit ... GABRIELLE UNION Tomorrow has not invited you yet, so LIVE for today! Tomorrow is near, yet so far away. Choose this ... STEPHANIE LAHART I eat right, I sleep, I work out, I'm happy. I have a beautiful family, nice friends. I choose t... SHARON STONE I don't take on a project unless I know the end result is going to make me happy. If I can't... JOHNNY WEIR I'm not happy to be here. I'm just happy to be! JIM VALVANO I am happy because I'm grateful. I choose to be grateful. That gratitude allows me to be happy. WILL ARNETT It's easy to impress me. I don't need a fancy party to be happy. Just good friends, good foo... MARIA SHARAPOVA I'm not good at being a picture-perfect pop star, happy all the time. If I'm having a bad da... CHARLI XCX I believe as musicians and artists we have an obligation to our souls. What that is? Only each one o... NARADA MICHAEL WALDEN It's hard for me to be happy because I'm always worried about something going awry or what c... LISA MARIE PRESLEY You left yesterday hoping to see tomorrow and you shall surely see today so far us you have life. Mi... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH You know what? Yesterday will never come back. Close your eyes and see something! You shall neither ... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH I am not afraid of tomorrow for I have seen yesterday, I have today and I know Him who holds tomorro... JAACHYNMA N.E. AGU I hope I'm better today than I was yesterday. I don't believe in glory days or anything like... EDIE BRICKELL I always have to just be myself. Anything else, I'm not happy, and it comes out musically. CARLENE CARTER I'm not dreaming of any podiums or any medals that I can put around my neck. I'm just focusi... CATE CAMPBELL I don't have too many bad days because I just don't let them happen. When I'm having one... MATT DALLAS I think I'm fairly laid-back. I like to have fun and kind of just be happy. JARED GOFF Every morning, my dad would have me looking in the mirror and repeat, 'Today is going to be a gr... GINA RODRIGUEZ If I am not today all that I hope to be, yet I see Jesus, and that assures me that I shall one day b... CHARLES HADDON SPURGEON I didn't have my best round today. I'm happy I'm still in contention and have a good chance to play ... LORENA OCHOA I'm happy with who I am inside. I'd hate to have accolades and all that and not really be ha... KEKE PALMER I'm not trying to be the highest-paid receiver in the National Football League. I've never r... DONALD DRIVER I mean it today. And tomorrow, it will be today again, and I will mean it for that today. It's alway... GAIL DAYTON If I don't do laundry today, I'm gonna have to buy new clothes tomorrow. ANNA PAQUIN Yesterday, I was clever, I wanted to be rich. Today, I am wise, I want to be happy. MATSHONA DHLIWAYO I can't confirm any rumors. I'm happy doing what I'm doing. I have no interest in going ... JIMMY JOHNSON It wasn't about being happy or unhappy. I just didn't want to be me anymore. SARAH DESSEN It almost hurts me to walk down a road and have people grab my hand and ask for my autograph and not... TERRY FOX Happy the man, and happy he alone,
He, who can call to-day his own:
He who, secure within, can... JOHN DRYDEN I don't worry about yesterday because it is already gone. I use the energy I have to survive for tod... GODSWAY SAPPOR If today is not your day, then be happy for this day shall never return. And if to... KAMAND KOJOURI Today, I am not who I was yesterday. Tomorrow, I will not be who I am today. LORRIN L. LEE I am tomorrow, or some future day, what I establish today. I am today what I established yesterday o... HARVEY SPENCER LEWIS I am tomorrow, or some future day, what I establish today. I am today what I established yesterday o... JAMES JOYCE A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today mad... WINSTON S. CHURCHILL If I'm extra happy or excited, it'll take me an hour or two to write a song. Or, if I'm ... ASTRO When there is no reason to be happy, that's all the reason you need to happy SOTONYE ANGA I'm not happy when I'm writing, but I'm more unhappy when I'm not. FANNIE HURST I'm not interested in characters who aren't broken. I'm not interested in happy people. ... JOHN LOGAN I have always been very calm on the outside. I'm not too stressed now just because I'm in fo... FERNANDO ALONSO You have a choice whether you want to be happy or not. I choose to be happy. VANESSA HUDGENS I'm just not into trying to convince people like me. I always say to myself, 'It is what it ... NENE LEAKES I'm basically a very happy person and I don't have to be anybody else. JILLY COOPER Happy the man, and happy he alone, he who can call today his own; he who, secure within, can say, to... JOHN DRYDEN Happy the man, and happy he alone, he who can call today his own; he who, secure within, can say, t... JOHN DRYDEN I'm very happy to have the heritage that I do, but I'm not wanting to be 'the Latino act... OSCAR ISAAC I just want to do good material. If I'm right for it, and it connects with me, and the material ... SAM UNDERWOOD In high school, I tried very hard to make everybody like me, which resulted in me being extremely un... ZOEY DEUTCH I don't need fame any more. People are less interested in me in terms of celebrity. I'm happ... DAN AYKROYD I can't hurt any more than I've been hurt, I can't cry any more than I've cried. I... CHERYL COLE I'm just happy to have my legs back, cause at one point in time, I wasn't even walking. STEFON DIGGS 37. It is better to be single and unhappy than unhappily married. JAMES C. DOBSON When I have been unhappy, I have heard an opera... and it seemed the shrieking of winds; when I am h... JOHN RUSKIN I'm not stuck in Strikeforce. I'm happy to be with them. It's where I started, and they&... DANIEL CORMIER I am not afraid of TOMORROW, for I have seen YESTERDAY and I love TODAY. Making ME a much stronger p... FEMALE IMAGINATION I?m just happy that our weather is coming in [today] and not Friday. DERON ASH I'm not retiring. I am graduating. Today is my graduation day. Retirement means that you'll ... JUNIOR SEAU I might not know who I was yesterday or who I'm going to be tomorrow, but I know who I am right ... SABRINA CARPENTER There's one thing now that I experience every day when I'm making a film. I get up and think... STEPHEN FREARS I don't want to do stories that don't have a heart. I'm just not going to be satisfied w... AARON HUEY My body doesn't have a lot of curves; I have small breasts, I don't have hips - so I'm n... SARA SAMPAIO When you wake up each morning, you can choose to be happy or choose to be sad. Unless some terrible ... LYNDA RESNICK For me, happiness is waking up excited even though you have no particular place to go….. CHERYL RUSHTON I'm happy to be alive, I'm happy to be who I am. MICHAEL JACKSON Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There... CHARLES M. SCHULZ Everything went just well for me today. It is my birthday so I have double reason to celebrate today... HERON GREY They offered me one cover about 10 years ago, and I said, no, I can't do it. I'm happy to co... URSULA ANDRESS To feel today what one felt yesterday isn't to feel - it's to remember today what was felt y... FERNANDO PESSOA You don't wake up one morning and say, 'Today is going to be a comedy day.' And the next... WILL ARNETT Mind and man what is in today and make today the solid foundation for tomorrow. Focus on what tomorr... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH I'm really happy to be me, and I'd like to think people like me more because I'm happy w... ADELE Any time I claimed to be white, that would be unacceptable. It just doesn't make sense in people... JORDAN PEELE I'm aware of the decisions I make and the responsibility I have as a role model. I wouldn't ... NAOMI SCOTT It still hasn't sunk in that I'm going to be in Coronation Street. Everything about the role... RICHARD FLEESHMAN I'm so happy in the projects that I'm able to make, to be involved in projects like this. Th... JENNIFER CONNELLY I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today! WILLIAM ALLEN WHITE I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today. WILLIAM ALLEN WHITE I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today. ALEXANDER VASSILIEFF I know a dramatic role is going to happen, but you just got to be patient, you know? It's going ... KEVIN HART Who you are as a person is more special than trying to be someone you're not. Don't get me w... HAYLEY HASSELHOFF If they would have told me when I was just 18 that I was going to have a career that would last so l... ENRIQUE IGLESIAS I'm a happy member of the church. I'm proud of it and defend it. It makes me bold and gives ... CATHERINE HICKS Truth is, I think, if God just gave us our daily bread, many of us would be angry. 'That's a... FRANCIS CHAN So I don't really have much rivalry, or if there is any, I don't really know anything about ... EMILY BLUNT I really didn't consider myself happy or unhappy. BOB DYLAN The No. 1 question I get from everybody is, 'How did you make it?' I'm like, Don't w... CARSON DALY It hasn't really made it easier getting film work. It's not like I can call up a studio or a... PARKER POSEY The reason it takes me so long to make a film, the reason it gets so difficult, is that I'm tryi... WONG KAR-WAI Having good health, being able to breathe and be happy, that's one of the most beautiful gifts. ... ROY AYERS I want a character to wake up one day and feel like, 'I can face it'. That, to me, is happy.... CECELIA AHERN For me, it's really day to day. I don't really plan ahead and I like to be excited about wha... VICTORIA LEGRAND The “Me” today is not the “Me” yesterday and it will not be the “Me” tomorrow; a gentle ... MOI I would love to do comedy, but you have to be phenomenally good. I'm not sure I'm there yet.... ROSE LESLIE
More Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ... GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying. GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women. GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does. GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough. GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early. GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana. GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som... GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does. GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day... GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go... GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and... GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes... GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle. GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How... GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy. GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back. GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life! GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p... GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money! GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures. GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge? GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell... GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light. GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty. GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ... GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception. GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked. GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man. GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d... GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast. GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one. GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy. GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early. GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ... GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w... GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend. GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery. GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea... GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words.... GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age. GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats. GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I... GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up. GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early. GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad. GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract. GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it. GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that. GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot. GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app... GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it. GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks. GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young. GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he... GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every... GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta... GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ... GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend. GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man. GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party. GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse. GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ... GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I... GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook. GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han... GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA... GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ... GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again. GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ... GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e... GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t... GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks. GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club
that will accept me as a member. GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.” GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me? GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ... GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te... GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo. GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ... GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t... GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ... GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju... GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book. GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels. GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet! GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have... GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere. GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it... GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal. GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong. GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know. GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others. GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself. GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I... GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ... GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse. GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live. GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it. GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done! GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid. GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution? GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels. GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up. GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair. GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic? A: Someone who stay... GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead
or my watch has stopped. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I... GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member. GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh... GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did. GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ... GROUCHO MARX