I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Groucho Marx
Related I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes... GROUCHO MARX Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or ... GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it... GROUCHO MARX Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or ... GROUCHO MARX Tomorrow has not invited you yet, so LIVE for today! Tomorrow is near, yet so far away. Choose this ... STEPHANIE LAHART You know what? Yesterday will never come back. Close your eyes and see something! You shall neither ... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH You left yesterday hoping to see tomorrow and you shall surely see today so far us you have life. Mi... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH If today is not your day, then be happy for this day shall never return. And if to... KAMAND KOJOURI I am not afraid of tomorrow for I have seen yesterday, I have today and I know Him who holds tomorro... JAACHYNMA N.E. AGU When there is no reason to be happy, that's all the reason you need to happy SOTONYE ANGA I didn't have my best round today. I'm happy I'm still in contention and have a good chance to play ... LORENA OCHOA Happy the man, and happy he alone,
He, who can call to-day his own:
He who, secure within, can... JOHN DRYDEN I think I'm fairly laid-back. I like to have fun and kind of just be happy. JARED GOFF If I am not today all that I hope to be, yet I see Jesus, and that assures me that I shall one day b... CHARLES HADDON SPURGEON It wasn't about being happy or unhappy. I just didn't want to be me anymore. SARAH DESSEN I mean it today. And tomorrow, it will be today again, and I will mean it for that today. It's alway... GAIL DAYTON 37. It is better to be single and unhappy than unhappily married. JAMES C. DOBSON Yesterday, I was clever, I wanted to be rich. Today, I am wise, I want to be happy. MATSHONA DHLIWAYO When you wake up each morning, you can choose to be happy or choose to be sad. Unless some terrible ... LYNDA RESNICK For me, happiness is waking up excited even though you have no particular place to go….. CHERYL RUSHTON Happy the man, and happy he alone, he who can call today his own; he who, secure within, can say, to... JOHN DRYDEN Happy the man, and happy he alone, he who can call today his own; he who, secure within, can say, t... JOHN DRYDEN I don't worry about yesterday because it is already gone. I use the energy I have to survive for tod... GODSWAY SAPPOR A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today mad... WINSTON S. CHURCHILL You have a choice whether you want to be happy or not. I choose to be happy. VANESSA HUDGENS I am tomorrow, or some future day, what I establish today. I am today what I established yesterday o... HARVEY SPENCER LEWIS I am tomorrow, or some future day, what I establish today. I am today what I established yesterday o... JAMES JOYCE Today, I am not who I was yesterday. Tomorrow, I will not be who I am today. LORRIN L. LEE The “Me” today is not the “Me” yesterday and it will not be the “Me” tomorrow; a gentle ... MOI Mind and man what is in today and make today the solid foundation for tomorrow. Focus on what tomorr... ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH To be, or not to be, that is the question. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE When I have been unhappy, I have heard an opera... and it seemed the shrieking of winds; when I am h... JOHN RUSKIN I am not afraid of TOMORROW, for I have seen YESTERDAY and I love TODAY. Making ME a much stronger p... FEMALE IMAGINATION Tomorrow is not just a day that can't be seen, it is a day that can only be seen by the decisions we... OSCAR AULIQ-ICE I am happy because I'm grateful. I choose to be grateful. That gratitude allows me to be happy. WILL ARNETT Everything went just well for me today. It is my birthday so I have double reason to celebrate today... HERON GREY I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today! WILLIAM ALLEN WHITE I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today. WILLIAM ALLEN WHITE I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today. ALEXANDER VASSILIEFF Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin. MOTHER TERESA Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin. MOTHER THERESA They told me yesterday that Gagne wouldn't be ready and I would be closing today. If I have to pitch... DANYS BAEZ To be or not to be. That's not really a question. JEAN-LUC GODARD There are two days in the year that you cannot do anything: YESTERDAY & TOMORROW: Only TODAY you... PABLO Time may be a finely woven thread, yet it holds our yesterday, today and tomorrow together... SHANE J VAN DER VELDE Make the choice to embrace this day. Do not let your TODAY be stolen by the ghost of yesterday or th... STEVE MARABOLI The course is not playing easy today. I think I should be happy to have come away with a 68. ASHOK KUMAR Think then you are Today what Yesterday you were - Tomorrow you shall not be less EDWARD FITZGERALD I felt great today but the tournament finishes on Sunday after 72 holes, not 18, 36 or 54. It is jus... KARIEM BARAKA We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better ... ART BUCHWALD I think today is going to be pretty bad. Monday was the first day where it really hit me that this i... LYNN AUE I'll be here tomorrow If I can make it through today. HENRY ROLLINS Do it today! Yesterday is gone and tomorrow it might be forbidden. VIKRANT PARSAI There can be neither today without yesterday nor tomorrow without today. KIM JONG-UN Daily confession; Oh! Mighty infinite, This gift of life you have freely bestowed upon me today is f... DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) If I can stay constantly busy, I'll be happy. DANIEL CUDMORE I wanted to be around a 4:50, but I was happy with this. Sometimes (being pushed) helps me. I probab... LEAH GINGRICH To be happy: BE Yourself. DO what you love to DO. Have what you love to HAVE. LORRIN L. LEE We know nothing of tomorrow, our business is to be good and happy today. SYDNEY SMITH I was lost yesterday, I am found today and I will be forgotten tomorrow. SANTOSH KALWAR Today is the tomorrow of yesterday and will be the yesterday of tomorrow, therefore do good things s... SANDEEP PRADHAN i know im not the girl you wanted. not the one you want to hear from. but what you see is what you g... SIMI GREWAL I live today to prove things I can do for tomorrow, not for things I did yesterday. YTHAM REIJAN ROSELITTLE COOGEIL I am the one that is bad & not my leader,for if I don't change today,we shall continue to have bad l... DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) The Sweet Song of Life - Sing and be happy, enjoy today even if you have to change your song tomorro... KAMAAL DAKARI CONNOLLY Do I have the courage of being a ruthless man to myself with the complete knowledge on my manner or ... FEREIDOON YAZDI If you want to be happy or if you want to be miserable—either way is your choice. So choose to be ... DEBASISH MRIDHA Sure most of us are 'happy'. Happy when we're shopping or drinking in the pub. Try being happy for j... CHERYL RUSHTON Every morning, my dad would have me looking in the mirror and repeat, 'Today is going to be a gr... GINA RODRIGUEZ Live today. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. Just today. Inhabit your moments. Don't rent them out to to... JERRY SPINELLI Whether you choose to move on from your struggles and enjoy life or waddle in your misery, life will... GERMANY KENT You can choose to be happy or sad and whichever you choose that is what you get. No one is really re... SIDNEY MADWED If you make it a Habit to make your Today better than your Yesterday, then for sure, your Tomorrow w... RVM Work while it is called today, for you know not how much you will be hindered tomorrow. One today is... BENJAMIN FRANKLIN All we can do is be better prepared today than yesterday and better prepared tomorrow than today. JAMES HOWELL I am the one that is bad & not my leader,for if i don't change today,then we shall continue to have ... DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN) I believe in living today. Not in yesterday, nor in tomorrow. LORETTA YOUNG I wish I had a crystal ball to tell me what would happen, because I was such a nervous wreck today. ... DAN KOENIG Quiero que [mi hijo] conozca el secreto de la felicidad, algo tan sencillo que da la impresión de q... JAMES RHODES People say there are thousands of options we have in life. I say we have only two: we can either be ... PAWAN MISHRA I can't just say one time of the year I'm going to do something different. I have to commit ... GABRIELLE UNION Where I am today... I still have my ups and downs, but I take it one day at a time and I just hope t... DEMI LOVATO Let today be better than yesterday, and tomorrow be better than today. EDDY SOULZ Today is the tomorrow I worried about yesterday. SAM TAYLOR-JOHNSON I don't take on a project unless I know the end result is going to make me happy. If I can't... JOHNNY WEIR You need to accept your yesterday, so u can be happy on your today, risk and failures will always be... CANDY BUSTILLO The truth is, I just don't have the drive to be the prettiest and the thinnest. I can be happy f... SALMA HAYEK Almost dead yesterday, maybe dead tomorrow, but alive, gloriously alive, today. ROBERT JORDAN I know I will never be happy, but I know I can be gay! MARILYN MONROE Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe... JOHN LITHGOW I have the right to remain violente. Everything I say can and will be used against you. EMINEM At any given moment the choice to be happy is present- we just have to choose to be happy. STEVE MARABOLI To be or not to be is not a question of compromise. Either you be or you don't be. GOLDA MEIR To be mad is worse than not to be if this is what it is. JOHNNY RICH Hamlet's Cat's Soliloquy "To go outside, and there perchance to stay Or to re... HENRY N. BEARD To be or not to be isn't the question. The question is how to prolong being. TOM ROBBINS I?m just happy that our weather is coming in [today] and not Friday. DERON ASH The only thing we can do is keep fourth now, so I have to be happy with that. We made up some places... MICHAEL PARK Today you have the opportunity to better than you were yesterday...I cannot wait for tomorrow N. S. COLE The saying "Give us this day our daily bread",simply means,yesterday is gone,you can't bring it back... DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
More Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ... GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying. GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women. GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does. GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough. GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early. GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana. GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som... GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does. GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day... GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go... GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and... GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle. GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How... GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy. GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back. GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life! GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p... GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money! GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures. GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge? GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell... GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light. GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty. GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ... GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception. GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked. GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man. GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d... GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast. GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one. GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy. GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early. GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ... GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w... GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend. GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery. GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea... GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words.... GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age. GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats. GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I... GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up. GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early. GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad. GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract. GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it. GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that. GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot. GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes... GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app... GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it. GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks. GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young. GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he... GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every... GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta... GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ... GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend. GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man. GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party. GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse. GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ... GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I... GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook. GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han... GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA... GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ... GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again. GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ... GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e... GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one. GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t... GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks. GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club
that will accept me as a member. GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.” GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me? GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ... GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te... GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo. GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ... GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t... GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ... GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju... GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book. GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels. GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet! GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have... GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere. GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it... GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal. GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong. GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know. GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others. GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself. GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I... GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ... GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse. GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live. GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it. GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done! GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid. GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution? GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels. GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up. GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair. GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic? A: Someone who stay... GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead
or my watch has stopped. GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I... GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member. GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh... GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did. GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ... GROUCHO MARX