I play with a fear of letting people down. That's what motivates me.

Playing the game, representing the team, giving my all and never letting go has meant everything to me.

I like to think I play rugby as it should be played - there are no yellow or red cards in my collection - but I cannot say I'm an angel.

When you're obsessive, like me, searching for something unattainable can become unhealthy... it's like falling through the air and grabbing at the clouds.

To make this announcement fills me with great sadness, but I know I have been blessed in so many ways to have experienced what I have with the England rugby team.

I never ever believed that I would be able to give up on this dream which has driven me to live, breathe, love and embrace the game of rugby from the earliest days that I can remember.