I refuse to endure months of expensive humiliation only to be told that at the age of four I was in love with my rocking horse

I have always paid income tax. I object only when it reaches a stage when I am threatened with having nothing left for my old age - which is due to start next Tuesday or Wednesday.

I'll go through life either first class or third, but never in second.

There's always something fishy about the French.

If you must have motivation, think of your paycheck on Friday.

There's sand in the porridge and sand in the bed, / And if this is pleasure we'd rather be dead.