I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I can remember when President Nixon basically said, 'All troops have been withdrawn from the delta.' And I said, 'Wait, I'm still here.'

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'