I said that Sean Hannity took residence up Newt Gingrich's butt from 94 to 98. I got that from British intelligence. It turns out he only took up residence in 95.

Today I will masterbate!

Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written "Today I will masterbate--if I want to!

Bob Dole used to be really funny. Barney Frank can be kind of funny. Bob Kerrey has a good sense of humor.

If someone hacks your password, you can change it - as many times as you want. You can't change your fingerprints. You have only ten of them. And you leave them on everything you touch; they are definitely not a secret.

I think the government has a role in protecting the fundamental rights of its citizens.

The USO invited me, and when they did, I said yes immediately.