I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.
Groucho Marx
Related
Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club
that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me as a member
SIGMUND FREUD I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to accept Pluto's resignation as a planet.
AMY LEE I don't care to join and club that's prepared to have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX MWA and The Author's Guild refused to accept me as a member.
M. J. ROSE A great deal of pressure was then built up to remove me from the club and my resignation was, finall...
DAVID R. BROWER I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
WOODY ALLEN Do I want to see a subdivision or a gun club? Honestly - I would want a gun club.
ART SPINELLA It will be nice to play against my old club again. I look back fondly at my time there, that club wa...
ALEX RAE Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW I bid on the maidenhair fern at my garden club, and these hollyhocks came from my friend Millie's [S...
SHARON LANE Having cancer gave me membership in an elite club I'd rather not belong to.
GILDA RADNER I want this club to be a place that will be comfortable for women in particular. So many clubs have ...
SHERYL SWOOPES As a former member of the IRA, I accept all the responsibilities that are due to me. But in terms of...
MARTIN MCGUINNESS I've met Mr Romanov a number of times and so far it looks as though he is doing what's required for ...
EDDIE THOMPSON Nice, the club where I started my career in 1983, want me to see out my playing days there.
DAVID GINOLA When Milan spoke with me and told me about this guy, I never asked for any assurances. The chairman ...
HARRY REDKNAPP I was the youngest guy in the union. At 14! A pianist around there who became my mentor for a little...
JEROME RICHARDSON Probably because it's unique. People want to belong somewhere. It's a country club lifestyle without...
CHUCK KOLNER I want to say goodbye here in my club, with my people.
ALBERT COSTA If you sit down with me, I guarantee I will accept any terms you offer for a contract.
DAVID O. SELZNICK How lucky I am to have known somebody and something that saying goodbye to is so damned awful.
EVANS G. VALENS I have my hopes as to how we can grow as a basketball club,
PHIL JACKSON I realize that much will be asked of me, yet I am resolved to accept it as a great and splendid task...
BEATRIX OF THE NETHERLANDS Give that child to me. I want it. I will care for it. I am willing to accept any child who would be ...
MOTHER TERESA I've followed Leeds since I was a little kid. I used to come home from sport in the afternoon, m...
RUSSELL CROWE I did some mistakes; I accept that - I always accept my mistakes. For sure, we are looking forward t...
PASTOR MALDONADO I only accept your mistakes and flaws to the degree that I accept my own.
VIRONIKA TUGALEVA I see the Surf Club growing in size as well as being more active in community. I feel there is a hug...
CLAIRE MAGEE I've decided I will open the door to all books as potential Oprah's Book Club selections, ... I feel...
OPRAH WINFREY I can remember getting rejected systematically by casting directors as a young kid. I felt like the ...
LEONARDO DICAPRIO I privately say to you, old friend... please accept from me this unpretentious bouquet of early-bloo...
J.D. SALINGER The club have said they want to talk to me about signing a new deal and I am very happy to do that,
DAVID BECKHAM I had hoped that the board would accept Johnny Hon's offer of a loan to buy the stadium back for...
ANNE CAMPBELL When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d...
FRANK FERRANTE I believe in a religion that believes in freedom. Any time I have to accept a religion that won't le...
MALCOLM X I have a couple of issues I want to work through. I will sit down with the club when I get the chanc...
CRAIG GOWER I accept my mistake as my own and will work to gain greater understanding and education.
CINDI LAWS I can get my voicemail transcribed and sent to me as e-mail. I want to be able to have my address bo...
BRIAN L. ROBERTS My hope is that we will leave here with a course of action that will galvanize the club and America'...
GREG CASINI We love 'Fiddler.' We love 'West Side Story.' I want to be in that club. I want to b...
LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA I always found him to be one of the people who helped the youngsters, especially at Empire Club. His...
SIR EVERTON WEEKES There is a club in this world that you do not join knowingly.
One day you are just a memb...
JOHNA PASSARO I don't want someone to believe my lies, I need someone to accept my truths.
KELLIE ELMORE I hate to use the patronage as a club unless I have to.
WILLIAM HOWARD TAFT You can call me a pain. I'll accept that as a compliment.
DARRELL ISSA Reyna sent me to get Percy," Frank said. "Did Octavian accept you?"
"Yeah," Percy said. "He sla...
RICK RIORDAN According to the wire, you are resting well and are being taken care of by a nurse. I hope she is be...
GROUCHO MARX We expect him to be a member of the club moving forward this season and next.
JON DANIELS I called it a baptism in flaming ink that forced me to shed my shyness about recognizing myself as a...
ABERJHANI [Chelsea had borrowed heavily from financial institutions, principally to fund stadium development. ...
BRUCE BUCK Our Bollywood stars who talk of being part of 100 crore films, I think I belong to the 1,000 crore c...
IRRFAN KHAN To be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.
OGDEN NASH I want to make an album my grandma and my fans are going to like. I want to make my grandma understa...
AFROJACK Club is where most schools start. Once you have any idea of going up a level, you have to continue t...
DAVID HILTON Politics has always been ugly to me, and yet I accept that as a fact of life.
BILLY GRAHAM A lot of my friends are club people. It's not me. It's funny to represent that, because it...
RANDY HARRISON Whatever job Alan does for this club, whatever job Alan would want to do for this club, he will alwa...
GLENN ROEDER Even as a child, even as my blood-past was drained from me, I understood that if I were strong enoug...
ANNE MICHAELS I feel it's a huge gift to accept but it really makes me want to tear up the pool.
IAN CROCKER And they understand that to be an effective member of a democracy, you have to accept responsibility...
DANIEL GREENBERG I had taken on the color of the climate around me and had driven back all the emotion that rose from...
EMANUEL CELLER Please accept our apology for any inconvenience or frustration we may have caused.
ELLEN JONES I will never forget how I have been treated here by the fans, the club and the owners, and nothing w...
YAYA TOURE The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN I want Liverpool to change from a domestically focused club into a global force.
JUAN VILLALONGA We never missed a rodeo. My father was a trainer of Walking Horses and belonged to the Mounted Calva...
JOAN BLEDSOE I am here to accept responsibility for that which I did. I will not accept responsibility for that w...
OLIVER NORTH I don't accept for any officer to even slap a prisoner,
BAYAN JABOR If I go to a match it doesn't mean I want to buy the stadium or the club.
LAKSHMI MITTAL Our understanding is that we are going to the boat to accept Mobutu's resignation, nothing less, not...
BIZIMA KARAHA Eventually I came across another passage. This is what it said:
I am not commanding you, but I ...
NICHOLAS SPARKS To kill a mockingbird. If you haven't read it, I think you should because it is very interesting.
STEPHEN CHBOSKY I will never forget the vision of Jamie walking towards me.
NICHOLAS SPARKS As these images were going through my head, my breathing suddenly went still. I looked at Jamie, the...
NICHOLAS SPARKS You don't have to learn much out of books, it's like if you want to learn about cows, you go milk on...
HARPER LEE You can't really get to know a person until you get in their shoes and walk around in them.
HARPER LEE I was provoked by Tim Cahill and accept that by the rules, my reaction was a red card offense. I wan...
FRANCESC FABREGAS I want Chinese history to remember me as Carnegie is remembered. I want Chinese people to remember m...
CHEN GUANGBIAO I don't want to put that as an excuse. I didn't run and I've got to accept what I did.
ALEX RIOS I
know I'm not a threat to society or to Mrs. Ortolano. I want
to be a contributing member ...
ALEX KELLY It sometimes puzzles me that so many people want to manage a football club, ... But fortunately that...
GORDON MCDOUGALL I understand that by a close vote, you have nominated me to run for the U.S. Senate, and I want you ...
WALTER MONDALE Along with my passion for horse breeding, I was a horse racing enthusiast... In 1974 I was elected a...
CYRUS S. POONAWALLA I will accept no commission that would tend to create a rivalry with Grant. I want him to hold what ...
WILLIAM T. SHERMAN
More Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club
that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead
or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX