I spent six hours becoming one with a shrubbery last night. There were three cloudbursts and a rain of small and very confused frogs

Gene police! You! Out of the pool, now!

My computer terminal whistles at me: YOU HAVE MAIL. No shit, Sherlock, I always have mail. It's an existential thing: if I don't have mail it would mean that something is very wrong with the world

It popped up on my Outlook calendar, flagged in red like an inflamed pimple full of infected bureaucratic pus... I've been trying desperately to get it shifted, but no, it is stuck like a king-sized dildo in a guinea pig.

The chip that functions abnormally will be desoldered, as they say.

There has been an increase in the number of malformed frogs. What's causing these malformed frogs is not really clear, though there are a number of theories.