I started to do a study on how not to do stand-up comedy. Yeah, it's lonely work. You die, you die alone. It's you, the light, and the audience. If you win, you win big. If you lose, you lose big time.

There's a lot of guys up there who like wearing a suit or try doing jokes that they think will play to a certain crowd, or maybe get them corporate work. I've always written jokes that I would want to hear. So, I'm trying to entertain myself more than anything.

It seems to me that they only seem to mention things in the Bible that are within a 5 mile radius of the guy writing it.

Stand-up comedy is a raunchy profession.

Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it.

Universal Pictures presents the Georgie Jessel Story. Ted Bessell is Georgie Jessel. Ted Bessell leads an all-star cast of Ted Bessell, Joey Bishop, Jacqueline Bisset, Whit Bissell and Joe Besser. Besser, Bissell, Bissett, Bishop and Bessell. The New York Times says, 'Bessell is Jessel". The Jewish Press says, 'We like Bessell, but only a bissel.