I used to always run off at the mouth and talk about people. I just didn't know that it would make a living for me.

I don't need somebody behind a desk to tell me what a marketing survey says is funny. I got 3 million miles and 70,000 tickets sold, telling me that I know how to make people laugh.

There's something about having a great bottle of wine and a great cigar. Nothing compares to it.

One of the most beautiful things in the world I've ever seen or heard is people laughing, even when there seems to be so little reason for them to laugh.

I don't know how to make Harper and Alloy want me, not just my name.

No matter how bad things are, you can at least be happy that you woke up this morning.