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I used to be funny, and perhaps I'm not anymore. It may be that I have become rather grumpy because I've seen so many things that have offended me that I cannot deal with in terms of laughter.


Kurt Vonnegut

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I used to feel that if I say something's wrong, I have to say how it could be made right. But wh...
ETGAR KERET In seventh grade, with some vague sense that I wanted to be a writer, I crouched in the junior high ...
JESS WALTER I know so many acting careers that are deliberately kickstarted by a publicist placing a bit of rubb...
SOPHIA MYLES I have seen so many extraordinary things that nothing seems extraordinary to me
VOLTAIRE Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But Im not concerned about ...
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. The two men had a conversation. Brief, cryptic, to the point. As though they had exchanged numbers a...
ARUNDHATI ROY I know that there are things that never have been funny, and never will be. And I know that ridicul...
DOROTHY PARKER I know that there are things that never have been funny, and never will be. And I know that ridicule...
DOROTHY PARKER I think that's what's causing everything. It's a pattern of things that have been said -- things sai...
MILTON BRADLEY I have learned to be patient.
YUAN YUAN TAN We have this habit of romanticizing the lives of writers. I remember when I was a kid, I was like, &...
JOHN GREEN On her marriage breakup with Liam: I can honestly say that life is fantastic now. I'm so happy that ...
PATSY KENSIT I used to let a lot of unimportant things bother me. I don't anymore. Right now, things are goin...
DOUG DAVIDSON People who pretend to be your friend lead you up a garden path by saying everything that you want to...
GARY F EVANS... I believe in blues, and I believe that it's been misrepresented.
JOHN MAYER I do not at all have the mind of a bully... in my mind bullies are intolerant of contrary opinion, d...
CONRAD BLACK Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be. -Kurt Vonnegut.
KURT VONNEGUT Who am I? I am that. Nothing can change that. Words, intellect and concepts can never reach that. It...
AMIT RAY I'm asking God to bless you with something that unsettles you, disturbs you, and upsets you.
CRAIG GROESCHEL As a person who has spent my career as a child psychologist and have dealt with many children who ha...
TIMOTHY MURPHY I would rather be able to appreciate things I cannot have than to have things I am not able to appre...
ELBERT HUBBARD I believe that all things are possible under God.
BROOKE ELLIOTT You don't have to be a scared person. I've had so many tragedies. I've managed to withst...
ARIEL SHARON I believe that when things are easy, people stay dormant.
OLGA KURYLENKO You can BE, DO, and HAVE ...absolutely ANYTHING you really, really want to BE, DO, and HAVE.
LORRIN L. LEE I don't know anymore of the things i used to be so sure.
GRZ DZ I believe that there may well be a personal God out there - not a monotheistic God - that has got it...
CLIVE SINCLAIR I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter.
YAKOV SMIRNOFF In the end, what matters is this: I survived.
GAIL HONEYMAN As Richard Pryor was to Eddie Murphy, that's what Kurt Vonnegut was to me.
CHRISTOPHER MOORE I have been fortunate. I have done so many things and enjoyed so many things and had such a great li...
LOIS LOWRY Well, if I used the privilege of self-incrimination at that time, I must have felt that perhaps ther...
ETHEL ROSENBERG Let me be accurate in everything, for though you and I have seen some strange things together, you m...
BRAM STOKER I have not seen the TV replays, so I cannot say much about that. It is a decision taken by the umpir...
MAHENDRA DHONI I am a Christian because I have seen the love of God lived out in the lives of people who know Him. ...
RICH MULLINS Things that break - be they bones, hearts, or promises - can be put back together but will never rea...
JODI PICOULT But after all I find in my work an echo of what struck me. I see that nature has told me something, ...
VINCENT VAN GOGH I believe that I have such a vanilla life.
JEN LANCASTER I believe that I have always told the truth.
ADOLFO AGUILAR ZINSER I want the people of New Jersey to jump off a cliff like Kurt Vonnegut so I can show them how to fly...
RICHIE SAMBORA The road will be one long, I'm sure at that. So far the real friends are few, but few more challange...
DEYTH BANGER I would have thought that I would have become one of those parents - just because it's my nature...
BROOKE SHIELDS I have seen kids with tremendous amounts of intelligence not be able to deal with the limelight, dea...
ARMANDO SIQUEIROS It would be nice to have it out of the way so I could just concentrate on hockey, ... But this is th...
ANDREW LADD Perhaps I have become so accustomed to the burden of secrets that I do not notice their weight until...
SABAA TAHIR I love it when someone insults me. That means that I don't have to be nice anymore.
BILLY IDOL I don't care whether the people believe me to be a prophet, seer, or revelator or not - I have b...
BRIGHAM YOUNG [Unfortunately, many items cannot be authenticated.] There are millions of pieces here that we canno...
KEITH BURNS Our lives!!! We have just all of a sudden discovered that here we are with something called life see...
SUNDAY ADELAJA A display of indifference to all the actions and passions of mankind was not supposed to be such a d...
CHARLES DICKENS The universe, so vast and beautiful , makes actions and words seem so insignificant. As I grow, I be...
JONATHAN WHITMORE All I ever did to that apartment was hang fifty yards of yellow theatrical silk across the bedroom w...
JOAN DIDION We can never make proper goodbyes. It was your last ride in a Checker cab and you had no warning. It...
COLSON WHITEHEAD We are all worms. But I believe that I am a glow-worm.
WINSTON CHURCHILL The one thing I think I've noticed about shows that are supposed to be funny on television is th...
ALAN ALDA In order to honor God with your wealth, you first have to admit that you are rich. Most people won't...
CRAIG GROESCHEL I believe that anyone can become better, if you put in the effort.
BELLA THORNE I realized that day that blessings come in a variety of shapes, colors, and sizes.
CRAIG GROESCHEL We may claim to believe in God, but we don't want to believe so much that it makes us different.
CRAIG GROESCHEL I have Slavic fat pads that make me look like a chipmunk and arched predatory eyebrows. With that, y...
LIEV SCHREIBER I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.
BILLY IDOL The spirit that I have seen May be a devil, and the devil hath power T' assume a pleasing shap...
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE I used to want to be a movie star so I wouldn't have to live in trailers anymore. And now that I...
ROSEANNE BARR Whenever anyone has offended me, I try to raise my soul so high that the offense cannot reach it.
RENE DESCARTES Whenever anyone has offended me, I try to raise my soul so high that the offense cannot reach it
RENE DESCARTES I've dated some women who have turned me on to some funny things that are strange for men to actuall...
RYAN SEACREST I love it when someone insults me. That means that I don't have to be nice anymore.
BILLY IDOL I feel that we are often taken out of our comfort zones, pushed and shoved out of our nests, because...
C. JOYBELL C. I have the right to remain violente. Everything I say can and will be used against you.
EMINEM My life can be so arranged that I can live on whatever I have. If I cannot live as I have lived in t...
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT But I think that because they trusted themselves and respected themselves as individuals, because th...
JOHN STEINBECK I have an irrational fear that I'm going to have a gruesome and untimely death because so many w...
MARGOT ROBBIE i know im not the girl you wanted. not the one you want to hear from. but what you see is what you g...
SIMI GREWAL I believe that my parents did wonderful things for us.
MADELEINE ALBRIGHT I believe that a politician needs to be with people.
RAHUL GANDHI I believe that fate is choices - it's not chance.
WAYNE NEWTON I believe that dogma is often evil.
PAT BUCKLEY I believe that sex is good and so is the body.
PAT BUCKLEY You are the ultimate freedom, peace and bliss - free from the trace of desire, fear and doubts.
AMIT RAY As a theist I believe that God exists and that God creates.
PHILLIP E. JOHNSON I believe that Obamacare is bad for America.
DAN WEBSTER Be the best you can be. Do the best you can do. Have the best you can have.
LORRIN L. LEE Everyone has there own good reasons for being what they are being, doing what they are doing, and ha...
LORRIN L. LEE I stopped drinking because my body simply would not do it anymore. And fortunately, when I saw that ...
BARBARA COOK Since Katrina came it made me realize that all the things I used to do, I can't do it anymore.
ERIC EVANS When I realised I had a facility for humour, I latched on to it, and it gave me confidence and I bui...
CATHERINE TATE Sometimes in movies, I still have to be the hero, but it's not all that important to me anymore.
DENNIS QUAID I cannot be afraid of being afraid. Rather, I need to realize that it is my fear that gives me the e...
CRAIG D. LOUNSBROUGH Where so many hours have been spent in convincing myself that I am right, is there not some reason t...
JANE AUSTEN Things that some people have come to view as income and are used to being taxed on would not be taxa...
JOEL SLEMROD I read a lot of short fiction, like Kurt Vonnegut and Raymond Carver and Wells Tower.
LORDE I think that would be ungrateful if I were upset because I'm seen as attractive or sexy. That...
SOFIA VERGARA It was books that made me feel that perhaps I was not completely alone. They could be honest with me...
CASSANDRA CLARE I have accumulated so many experiences, so much, that I want to be able to realize so many things. T...
DANIEL BARENBOIM If that were God's plan, it's a bad bargain; I don't want to have to deal with a God like that...My ...
HAROLD S. KUSHNER Well, my shrink's been trying to talk me out of that for many years. We used to have this discussion...
ADAM GOLDBERG I want to make one thing very clear: I have not been involved in corruption. Many things have been s...
ENERGY MINISTER KIRAITU MURUNGI Many of the crew members I work with and continue to work with were friends or have become close fri...
NOAH BAUMBACH I have the compassion, but I don't have the words of solace that you need to convey that, ... I woul...
CHAN GAILEY Nobody knows me, and I hope that it stays like this.
HANSJORG WYSS

More Kurt Vonnegut

My cash cows, the slick magazines, were put out of business by TV.
KURT VONNEGUT I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the ki...
KURT VONNEGUT Oh, sure, we have another world war coming, and another great depression, but where are the leaders ...
KURT VONNEGUT Lot's wife, of course, was told not to look back where all those people and their homes had been...
KURT VONNEGUT If you are an American, you must allow all ideas to circulate freely in your community, not merely y...
KURT VONNEGUT There is love enough in this world for everybody, if people will just look.
KURT VONNEGUT I asked myself about the present: how wide it was, how deep it was, how much was mine to keep.
KURT VONNEGUT I let the dog out, or I let him in, and we talk some. I let him know I like him, and he lets me know...
KURT VONNEGUT If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.
KURT VONNEGUT I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.
KURT VONNEGUT Human beings will be happier - not when they cure cancer or get to Mars or eliminate racial prejudic...
KURT VONNEGUT What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thin...
KURT VONNEGUT Everyone now knows how to find the meaning of life within himself. But mankind wasn't always so ...
KURT VONNEGUT People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order so they'll h...
KURT VONNEGUT If somebody says, I love you, to me, I feel as though I had a pistol pointed at my head. What can an...
KURT VONNEGUT I get up at 7:30 and work four hours a day. Nine to twelve in the morning, five to six in the evenin...
KURT VONNEGUT Thinking doesn't seem to help very much. The human brain is too high-powered to have many practical ...
KURT VONNEGUT What war has always been is a puberty ceremony. It's a very rough one, but you went away a boy and c...
KURT VONNEGUT The two real political parties in America are the Winners and the Losers. The people don't acknowled...
KURT VONNEGUT Being American is to eat a lot of beef steak, and boy, we've got a lot more beef steak than any othe...
KURT VONNEGUT ... this is a hard world to be ludicrous in, with so many human beings so reluctant to laugh, so inc...
KURT VONNEGUT The feeling about a soldier is, when all is said and done, he wasn't really going to do very much wi...
KURT VONNEGUT We are all what we pretend to be, but, we had better be very careful what we pretend.
KURT VONNEGUT I was taught that the human brain was the crowning glory of evolution so far, but I think it's a ver...
KURT VONNEGUT I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds o...
KURT VONNEGUT We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.
KURT VONNEGUT Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than befo...
KURT VONNEGUT People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order, so they'll have...
KURT VONNEGUT There is no order in the world around us, we must adapt ourselves to the requirements of chaos inste...
KURT VONNEGUT There's only one me, and I'm stuck with him.
KURT VONNEGUT I have been a soreheaded occupant of a file drawer labeled Science Fiction and I would like out, par...
KURT VONNEGUT Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be.
KURT VONNEGUT Artists use frauds to make human beings seem more wonderful than they really are. Dancers show us hu...
KURT VONNEGUT There are plenty of good reasons for fighting, I said, but no good reason ever to have without reser...
KURT VONNEGUT Life happens too fast for you ever to think about it. If you could just persuade people of this, but...
KURT VONNEGUT It was a thunderingly beautiful experience -- voluptuous, sexual, dangerous, and expensive as hell.
KURT VONNEGUT We would be a lot safer if the Government would take its money out of science and put it into astrol...
KURT VONNEGUT Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why.
KURT VONNEGUT Still and all, why bother? Here's my answer. Many people need desperately to receive this messag...
KURT VONNEGUT Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to rem...
KURT VONNEGUT I have no degree in biochemistry, neither do I have one in mechanical engineering, as the Army saw f...
KURT VONNEGUT True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the countr...
KURT VONNEGUT What troubles me most about my lovely country is that its children are seldom taught that American f...
KURT VONNEGUT Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since...
KURT VONNEGUT We could have saved the Earth but we were too damned cheap.
KURT VONNEGUT There is no reason why good cannot triumph as often as evil. The triumph of anything is a matter of ...
KURT VONNEGUT I think a lot of people, including me, clammed up when a civilian asked about battle, about war. It ...
KURT VONNEGUT There is never a shortage anywhere of lawyers eager to attack the First Amendment, as though it were...
KURT VONNEGUT I now make my living by being impolite. I am clumsy at it.
KURT VONNEGUT If you appear in the 'Atlantic' or 'Harper's' or the 'New Yorker,' by Go...
KURT VONNEGUT It is a big temptation to me, when I create a character for a novel, to say that he is what he is be...
KURT VONNEGUT About astrology and palmistry: they are good because they make people vivid and full of possibilitie...
KURT VONNEGUT It was very lucky for me as a writer that I studied the physical sciences rather than English. I wro...
KURT VONNEGUT I am honorary President of the American Humanist Society, having succeeded the late, great science f...
KURT VONNEGUT This is Sunday, and the question arises, what'll I start tomorrow?
KURT VONNEGUT Evolution can go to hell as far as I am concerned. What a mistake we are. We have mortally wounded t...
KURT VONNEGUT The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Pra...
KURT VONNEGUT I was not an anthropology student prior to the war. I took it up as part of a personal readjustment ...
KURT VONNEGUT I think big business is a terrible thing for the spirit of the country, as our spirit is the best th...
KURT VONNEGUT When I'm being funny, I try not to offend. I don't think much of what I've done has been...
KURT VONNEGUT The feeling about a soldier is, when all is said and done, he wasn't really going to do very muc...
KURT VONNEGUT Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be. -Kurt Vonnegut.
KURT VONNEGUT People don't come to church for preachments, of course, but to daydream about God.
KURT VONNEGUT I was taught that the human brain was the crowning glory of evolution so far, but I think it's a...
KURT VONNEGUT I was a chemistry major, but I'm always winding up as a teacher in English departments, so I'...
KURT VONNEGUT I really wonder what gives us the right to wreck this poor planet of ours.
KURT VONNEGUT Unusual travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God.
KURT VONNEGUT I can have oodles of charm when I want to.
KURT VONNEGUT Charm was a scheme for making strangers like and trust a person immediately, no matter what the char...
KURT VONNEGUT The chief weapon of sea pirates, however, was their capacity to astonish. Nobody else could believe,...
KURT VONNEGUT New knowledge is the most valuable commodity on earth. The more truth we have to work with, the rich...
KURT VONNEGUT 1492. As children we were taught to memorize this year with pride and joy as the year people began l...
KURT VONNEGUT I think that novels that leave out technology misrepresent life as badly as Victorians misrepresente...
KURT VONNEGUT Humor is an almost physiological response to fear.
KURT VONNEGUT Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite herma...
KURT VONNEGUT There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. Th...
KURT VONNEGUT Thanks to TV and for the convenience of TV, you can only be one of two kinds of human beings, either...
KURT VONNEGUT One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have ...
KURT VONNEGUT Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than befo...
KURT VONNEGUT Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand
KURT VONNEGUT Say what you will about the sweet miracle of unquestioning faith, I consider a capacity for it terri...
KURT VONNEGUT Life happens too fast for you ever to think about it. If you could just persuade people of this, but...
KURT VONNEGUT If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.
KURT VONNEGUT Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than befo...
KURT VONNEGUT Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person...
KURT VONNEGUT I say in speeches that a plausible mission of artists is to make people appreciate being alive at le...
KURT VONNEGUT I am eternally grateful.. for my knack of finding in great books, some of them very funny books, rea...
KURT VONNEGUT How nice--to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive.
KURT VONNEGUT All time is all time. It does not change. It does not lend itself to warnings or explanations. It si...
KURT VONNEGUT Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in ...
KURT VONNEGUT A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.
KURT VONNEGUT Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that doesn't mean we deserve to co...
KURT VONNEGUT We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.
KURT VONNEGUT Well, the telling of jokes is an art of its own, and it always rises from some emotional threat. The...
KURT VONNEGUT During my three years in Vietnam, I certainly heard plenty of last words by dying American footsoldi...
KURT VONNEGUT Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintena...
KURT VONNEGUT Here's what I think the truth is: We are all addicts of fossil fuels in a state of denial, about to ...
KURT VONNEGUT Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter can be said to remed...
KURT VONNEGUT I want to congratulate librarians,...who, all over this country, have staunchly resisted anti-democr...
KURT VONNEGUT I'm screamingly funny, you know, I really am in the books. And that helps because I'm funnie...
KURT VONNEGUT Puny man can do nothing at all to help or please God Almighty, and Luck is not the hand of God.
KURT VONNEGUT I had no talent for science. What was infinitely worse: all my fraternity brothers were engineers.
KURT VONNEGUT All time is all time. It does not change. It does not lend itself to warnings or explanations. It si...
KURT VONNEGUT Human beings will be happier - not when they cure cancer or get to Mars or eliminate racial prejudic...
KURT VONNEGUT Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.
KURT VONNEGUT The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet...
KURT VONNEGUT Science sent the Hubble telescope out into space, so it could capture light and the absence thereof,...
KURT VONNEGUT As a Humanist, I love science. I hate superstition, which could never have given us A-bombs.
KURT VONNEGUT The statue was of a nude woman playing a slide trombone. It was entitles, enigmatically, Evelyn and ...
KURT VONNEGUT I consider anybody a twerp who hasn't read 'Democracy in America' by Alexis de Tocquevil...
KURT VONNEGUT Younger scientists are extremely sensitive to the moral implications of all they do.
KURT VONNEGUT All these people talk so eloquently about getting back to good old-fashioned values. Well, as an old...
KURT VONNEGUT To be is to do - Socrates

To do is to be - Sartre

Do Be Do Be Do - Sinatra
KURT VONNEGUT Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet an...
KURT VONNEGUT If you want to really hurt you parents, and you don't have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do...
KURT VONNEGUT But I have to say this in defense of humankind: In no matter what era in history, including the Gard...
KURT VONNEGUT And I apologize to all of you who are the same age as my grandchildren. And many of you reading this...
KURT VONNEGUT Our government's got a war on drugs. That's certainly better then no drugs at all.
KURT VONNEGUT Electronic communities build nothing. You wind up with nothing. We are dancing animals. How beautifu...
KURT VONNEGUT If you actually are an educated, thinking person, you will not be welcome in Washington, D.C. I know...
KURT VONNEGUT Only nut cases want to be president. This was true even in high school. Only clearly disturbed peopl...
KURT VONNEGUT Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. ...
KURT VONNEGUT Socialism" is no more an evil word than "Christianity." Socialism no more prescribed Joseph Stalin a...
KURT VONNEGUT I don't reveal to her that I love her. I keep poker faced. She might as well be looking at a cantalo...
KURT VONNEGUT The biggest truth to face now – what is probably making me unfunny now for the remainder of my lif...
KURT VONNEGUT When a couple has an argument nowadays they may think it s about money or power or sex or how to rai...
KURT VONNEGUT I was once asked if I had any ideas for a really scary reality TV show. I have one reality show that...
KURT VONNEGUT I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds ...
KURT VONNEGUT Music is, to me, proof of the existence of God. It is so extraordinarily full of magic, and in tough...
KURT VONNEGUT So I went to New York City to be born again. It was and remains easy for most Americans to go somewh...
KURT VONNEGUT That is how you get to be a writer, incidentally: you feel somehow marginal, somehow slightly off-ba...
KURT VONNEGUT The worst thing that could possibly happen to anybody would be to not be used for anything by anybod...
KURT VONNEGUT Until you die .. it's all life.
KURT VONNEGUT Round and round we spin, with feet of lead and wings of tin.
KURT VONNEGUT We could have saved [the Earth] but we were too damned cheap.
KURT VONNEGUT All right - I'll tell you what you did for me: you went for happy, silly, beautiful walks with me.
KURT VONNEGUT You can't just eat good food. You've got to talk about it too. And you've got to talk about it to so...
KURT VONNEGUT Dear future generations: Please accept our apologies. We were rolling drunk on petroleum.
KURT VONNEGUT And so it goes...
KURT VONNEGUT It may be that the most striking thing about members of my literary generation in retrospect will be...
KURT VONNEGUT So, in the interests of survival, they trained themselves to be agreeing machines instead of thinkin...
KURT VONNEGUT I am from a family of artists. Here I am, making a living in the arts. It has not been a rebellion. ...
KURT VONNEGUT If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph:
THE ONLY PROOF HE NEEDED
FOR THE...
KURT VONNEGUT For some reason, the most vocal Christians among us never mention the Beatitudes (Matthew 5). But, o...
KURT VONNEGUT The fortifications have never been attacked, nor has any sane man ever proposed any reason why they ...
KURT VONNEGUT Bertrand Russell declared that, in case he met God, he would say to Him, "Sir, you did not give us e...
KURT VONNEGUT Be aware of this truth that the people on this earth could be joyous, if only they would live ration...
KURT VONNEGUT The most radical, audacious thing to think is that there might be some point to working hard and thi...
KURT VONNEGUT Fear hadn’t come to him yet. Pain hadn’t come where pain would come. There was only the feeling ...
KURT VONNEGUT And I asked myself about the present: how wide it was, how deep it was, how much was mine to keep.
KURT VONNEGUT I still catch myself feeling blue about things that don't matter anymore.
KURT VONNEGUT There was a still life on Billy's bedside table-two pills, an ashtray with three lipstick-stained ci...
KURT VONNEGUT The book was Maniacs in the Fourth Dimension, by Kilgore Trout. It was about people whose mental dis...
KURT VONNEGUT There is one other book, that can teach you everything you need to know about life... it's The Broth...
KURT VONNEGUT All this happened, more or less.
KURT VONNEGUT Here's the news: I am going to sue the Brown & Williamson Tobacco Company, manufacturers of Pall...
KURT VONNEGUT Only in books do we learn what’s really going on.
KURT VONNEGUT The truth is, we know so little about life, we don't really know what the good news is and what the ...
KURT VONNEGUT Life is no way to treat an animal.
KURT VONNEGUT A saint is a person who behaves decently in a shockingly indecent society.
KURT VONNEGUT To practice any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow. So do it.
KURT VONNEGUT In case you haven't noticed, as the result of a shamelessly rigged election in Florida, in which tho...
KURT VONNEGUT I wanted all things
To seem to make some sense,
So we could all be happy, yes,
Instea...
KURT VONNEGUT Here is a lesson in creative writing.

First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transve...
KURT VONNEGUT Do you realize that all great literature is all about what a bummer it is to be a human being? Isn't...
KURT VONNEGUT I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.
KURT VONNEGUT And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'I...
KURT VONNEGUT Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly;
Man got to sit and wonder 'why, why, why?'
Tiger got t...
KURT VONNEGUT If somebody says 'I love you' to me, I feel as though I had a pistol pointed at my head. What can an...
KURT VONNEGUT All moments, past, present and future, always have existed, always will exist.
KURT VONNEGUT Live by the foma* that make you brave and kind and healthy and happy.

*Harmless untruths
KURT VONNEGUT profanity and obscenity entitle people who don't want unpleasant information to close their ears and...
KURT VONNEGUT Sometimes I think that's the trouble with the world: too many people in high places who are stone-co...
KURT VONNEGUT One might be led to suspect that there were all sorts of things going on in the Universe which he or...
KURT VONNEGUT The church, which squatted among the headstones like a wet mother dodo, had been at various times Pr...
KURT VONNEGUT This person has just arrived on this planet, knows nothing about it, has no standards by which to ju...
KURT VONNEGUT My advice to writers just starting out? Don't use semi-colons! They are transvestite hermaphrodites,...
KURT VONNEGUT People don't come to church for preachments, of course, but to daydream about God.
KURT VONNEGUT Vietnam was an exercise in mistaken idealism; Iraq in cynical money-making. And there's no optimism ...
KURT VONNEGUT I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the ki...
KURT VONNEGUT This is a beguiling book,
KURT VONNEGUT and I'm whistling as beautifully as I can.
KURT VONNEGUT Here is the solution to the American drug problem suggested a couple years back by the wife of our P...
KURT VONNEGUT The year was 2081, and everyone was finally equal.
KURT VONNEGUT The human beings also passed canteens, which guards would fill with water. When food came in, the hu...
KURT VONNEGUT What he meant, of course, was that there would always be wars, that they were as easy to stop as gla...
KURT VONNEGUT Well, I know," she said. "You'll pretend you were men instead of babies, and you'll be played in the...
KURT VONNEGUT I am a very bad scientist. I will do anything to make a human being feel better, even if it's unscie...
KURT VONNEGUT The troops and their ladies had first drunk champagne. There were also remains of sandwiches, and I ...
KURT VONNEGUT Americans... are forever searching for love in forms it never takes, in places it can never be. It m...
KURT VONNEGUT It is a very mixed blessing to be brought back from the dead.
KURT VONNEGUT I asked this heroic pet lover how it felt to have died for a schnauzer named Teddy. Salvador Biagian...
KURT VONNEGUT Swoopers write a story quickly, higgledy-piggledy, crinkum-crankum, any which way. Then they go over...
KURT VONNEGUT The bounties of space, of infinite outwardness, were three: empty heroics, low comedy, and pointless...
KURT VONNEGUT Don't worry about your father. He's a perfectly contented, self-sufficient zombie.
KURT VONNEGUT How nice -- to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive.
KURT VONNEGUT If you can do no good, at least do no harm.
KURT VONNEGUT Since Alice had never received any religious instruction, and since she had led a blameless life, sh...
KURT VONNEGUT There are no telegraphs on Tralfamadore. But you're right: each clump of symbols is a brief, urgent ...
KURT VONNEGUT Unfortunately, that still leaves plenty of Americans who don't read much or think much -- who will s...
KURT VONNEGUT