I used to think I was poor. Then they told me I wasn't poor, I was needy. Then they told me it was self-defeating to think of myself as needy. I was deprived. (Oh not deprived but rather underprivileged.) Then they told me that underprivileged was overused. I was disadvantaged. I still don't have a dime. But I have a great vocabulary.
Jules Feiffer
Related I was born in a slum, but the slum wasn't born in me. JESSE JACKSON They informed me that I was not in the fire district. Then they told me I owed them $3,800. ERVIN LINDSEY But pain may be a gift to us. Remember, after all, that pain is one of the ways we register in memor... SUE MILLER What I wrote... wasn't crazy... or a bullshit... or nonsense... it was what I saw! DEYTH BANGER I don't think I was born beautiful. I just think I was born me. NAOMI CAMPBELL I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny. DEMETRI MARTIN Am I 53 or 54? I think I'm 54. I was born in 1941. So this year I'll be 55. CHARLES KEATING When I was young, I thought I was a bird at one time. Then they told me I can't fly, so I stopped fl... ANTHONY LICCIONE I still don't think that my doctors told me exactly how bad it was. They told my wife. They tried to... ERNIE ELS I was born in Bournemouth, England, in 1943. J. PHILIPPE RUSHTON I was born in a blender. LORNA LUFT I was born 'neath a clouded star. JULIA WARD HOWE I wasn't born a redhead, but I was born to be a redhead. GEORGETTE MOSBACHER I was born to be funny. BUDDY HACKETT I was born in Palo Alto, California in 1961. ERIC ALLIN CORNELL I was told they were from North Carolina. Then, I was told they were from Prince George's County. To... ERIC MITCHELL I've always had a fighter's spark in me. I was born with it. I think it's in my blood. NICOLE SCHERZINGER When they stood up and I stayed where I was, he asked me if I was going to stand and I told him that... ROSA PARKS She stroked my hair and told me I was beautiful, but I was old enough by then to know not to believe... SARAH DESSEN I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that s... RODNEY DANGERFIELD I was born to hit a baseball. I can hit a baseball. BARRY BONDS I am not afraid... I was born to do this. JOAN OF ARC They didn't have to say a word. I knew what it was. But they said it anyway, because they have to. T... BETTY VEZINA I was born and bred to be a great flirt. CYBILL SHEPHERD I was born in August, no July, 1908. SATCHEL PAIGE I was born in the technology era. MALUMA I was born with an evil face. BARRY SLOANE I was raised Jewish and bar mitzvahed. DAN FUTTERMAN I was born in 1953, so that's the Eisenhower administration. LINCOLN CHAFEE By ancestry, I was born to rule. NELSON MANDELA I was raised to be a girl Michelangelo. CAROLYN KIZER I was born in Homestead, Florida. CHRISSY METZ I was born and raised in Honolulu, Hawaii. STEVE CASE I was born into a family of preachers. DAVID SOUL I was raised on NBC television. DAN HARMON Hey, I was raised in the church. CHEECH MARIN Leadership is something I was born with. CARMELO ANTHONY Someone once told me that something they really liked about me was that they thought that I was real... VICTORIA JUSTICE I was surprised when they told me it was 35 years. I thought it was only 32. BILL BEAN I was raised Irish Catholic, but I don't consider myself Irish Catholic: I consider myself me, a... JOHN CUSACK There was a brief period of time when I was very young where I thought I wanted to be a veterinarian... MARIE BRENNAN I was begging them, too. But they told me to wait until Friday. COREY MAGGETTE I was born in Fayette County, over in Lexington, Kentucky, but I was raised most of my life in Paint... CHRIS STAPLETON To be honest, it seems like the decision to release me was taken way in advance. When they informed ... FELIPE LOPEZ They told me I was Nothing ...But Isn't That Something? I guess being nothing means something NOBLE DA GENIUS I love people. I was born loving people. BETSY PALMER My mum always told me I was precious, while my dad always told me I was worthless. I think that'... ALAN CUMMING I feel I was born with the music coming to me, and that's not something to be wasted. JANIS IAN I think I was born with the drive for success because I have a certain gene. DONALD TRUMP When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to ... JOHN LENNON When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to ... JOHN LENNON I don't think of myself as a poor deprived ghetto girl who made good. I think of myself as someb... OPRAH WINFREY I was hoping I was going to be back as soon as possible. Then they told me, before I got the MRI res... STEVE YOUNG I think it was, my parents got me a karaoke machine when I was about 9 years old. Even before that, ... LESLIE ODOM, JR. I was heartbroken at first. But as soon as they told me I was too small, I just crossed them off my ... JASON FERGUSON Then they told me I didn't make it. DEVIN JOHNSON I had a meeting with Bob and he told me I wasn't playing. Then I came back in the afternoon and he t... JAN BULIS The only way I was going to leave was if they told me I'd be drafted in the first 10 picks. I wasn't... LEVI BROWN I was born in America, but I consider myself a Filipino. JESSICA SANCHEZ I'm relieved. I had the worst possible start but then (captain) Guy (Forget) told me I was playing b... NATHALIE DECHY I was basically in the room, and they told me to get out there. It's tough, but I have to be ready. CHRIS MASON I told them that I couldn't because I was still at the East School, but they convinced me that nobod... BILL SEABURY I was born in Dallas, Texas, but I was raised in south Florida. 'Ice Ice Baby' is about that... VANILLA ICE They told me to play golf until I was 14 or 15, then give it up and concentrate strictly on school. ... HENRY LIAW It's so funny you judge me arrogant after I succeeded. You didn't help me at all when I was so ... TOBA BETA I feel like trouble has followed me from the day I was born. NATALIA KILLS At first, I was scared but then I decided I couldn't let her think that I was weak. I told her that ... SABRINA PACKARD I'm not usually speechless, but I didn't know what to say when they told me. I felt like I was 22 ag... DANNY GRAVES I thought I was second until they told me I won, so I was kind of surprised. I'm not happy with the ... DESTINEE HOOKER When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me. CARROT TOP To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady. WILSON MIZNER I grew up in the church. I was raised in the church. QUINTON AARON I was born as a soldier and will die as one. MUSTAFA KEMAL ATATURK My mom is from Texas, but I was raised in Florida. KATE UPTON I was born with a fierce need for independence. MICHELLE WILLIAMS I was raised by my father; I was daddy's girl. AMBER HEARD I was born to travel and write verse. THEOPHILE GAUTIER As I was born to be unfortunate, my sun soon clouded. DEBORAH SAMPSON Beirut is where I was born and raised. REEM ACRA I vehemently deny that I was born a cynic and a pessimist. J. PAUL GETTY I was a very religious kid. I was raised as an Episcopalian. STEVEN SEAGAL I was raised to be a very intelligent housewife. LIZ PHAIR I'm sorry, but I was born with a towel on my head. CHARLES OLSON I was raised to be some kind of artist. ELLAR COLTRANE My mom says I was born screaming. ELLE KING When I was a small boy I was always being told by others, especially grown ups, to behave, to be goo... SIDNEY MADWED I had participated in two plays, and that's all I remember. They told me I was walking gingerly off ... DAVIS NWANKWO I think the '70s are always inspiring to me. I was born then, so I have a lot of memories about ... FRIDA GIANNINI I am a coolie and the son of a coolie. I was born with the poor, and I am still poor. My sympathies ... SUN YAT-SEN I was raised by my great-great aunt. I was adopted within our family. My mother had me when she was,... ERIC DICKERSON Simon was Simon. They told me I had a very commercial look. DEVIN JOHNSON I was raised to think cursing makes you look unintelligent. CHLOE GRACE MORETZ The environment I was raised in, you had to, to survive. MARK WAHLBERG No one ever told me I was pretty when I was a little girl. All little girls should be told they're p... MARILYN MONROE If they had told me I was going into something like that, I would have given the keys back. EDDIE SANCHEZ (Police) told me they were certain it was him, and that's why I testified. That was bad to blame som... JUAN MORENO My mom's reaction was the funniest. I told her I was playing in the All-Star game and she said 'why?... JIMMY ROY When I first came here they told me I have a chance to fight for the spot. But I can't do anything b... IDREES BASHIR It was really no big deal then, and still isn't to me. I think the whole problem with it is they mad... JOHN HUSTON It was always easy for me. I was born very rich and lucky. YAHOO SERIOUS
More Jules Feiffer
At sixteen I was stupid, confused and indecisive. At twenty-five I was wise, self-confident, preposs... JULES FEIFFER Jesus died to forgive our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them? JULES FEIFFER Maturity is only a short break in adolescence. JULES FEIFFER Be warned against all 'good' advice because 'good' advice is necessarily 'safe' advice, and though i... JULES FEIFFER The big mistake that men make is that when they turn thirteen or fourteen and all of a sudden they'v... JULES FEIFFER Artists can color the sky red because they know it's blue. Those of us who aren't artists must color... JULES FEIFFER I grew up to have my father's looks - my fathers speech patterns - my father's posture - my father's... JULES FEIFFER Getting out of bed in the morning is an act of false confidence. JULES FEIFFER The big mistake that men make is that when they turn thirteen or fourteen, and all of a sudden they'... JULES FEIFFER Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them? JULES FEIFFER A Barrel of Laughs, a Vale of Tears. JULES FEIFFER At 16 I was stupid, confused, . . . and indecisive. At 21 I was wise, self-confident, . . . and asse... JULES FEIFFER I grew up to have my father's looks- my father's speech patterns-my father's posture- my father's op... JULES FEIFFER I've backed off cliffs all of my career. The best things I've done I've backed into. I never underst... JULES FEIFFER I love doing it and until I stop loving it, this is what I do. I loved writing for the theater for 2... JULES FEIFFER Getting out of bed in the morning is an act of false confidence JULES FEIFFER Good swiping is an art in itself JULES FEIFFER If you are afraid of being lonely, don't try to be right. JULES RENARD It is not how old you are, but how you are old. JULES RENARD Don't tell a woman she's pretty; tell her there's no other woman like her, and all roads... JULES RENARD Man who waits for roast duck to fly into mouth must wait very, very long time. JULES RENARD Solitude, isolation, are painful things and beyond human endurance. JULES VERNE The only man who is really free is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving ... JULES RENARD A great leader never sets himself above his followers except in carrying responsibilities. JULES ORMONT The only Zen you find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there. JULES RENARD It is easy for a somebody to be modest, but it is difficult to be modest when one is a nobody. JULES RENARD Failure is not our only punishment for laziness: there is also the success of others. JULES RENARD Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before
you get tired. JULES RENARD The only man who is really free is the one who can turn down an
invitation to dinner without giving ... JULES RENARD Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money. JULES RENARD Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. JULES RENARD Make yourself indispensable, and you will move up. Act as though you are indispensable, and you will... JULES ORMONT When one has taken root, one puts out branches. JULES VERNE We spend our lives talking about this mystery. Our life. JULES RENARD There are moments when everything goes well, but don't be frightened. JULES RENARD Don't tell a woman she's pretty; tell her there's no other woman like her, and all roads will open t... JULES RENARD He who knows how to be poor knows everything. JULES MICHELET Failure is not our only punishment for laziness; there is also the success of others. JULES RENARD There are good and bad times, but our mood changes more often than our fortune. JULES RENARD Success is never final and failure is never fatal. It's courage that counts. JULES ELLINGER Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money. JULES RENARD Socialism must come down from the brain and reach the heart. JULES RENARD A beautiful line of verse has twelve feet, and two wings. JULES RENARD Not an inch of our territory not a stone of our fortress. JULES FAVRE School is an institution for drilling children in cultural orientation. ...American classrooms, like... JULES HENRY Fame is a constant effort JULES RENARD There has never been a statue erected to the memory of someone who let well enough alone. JULES ELLINGER On earth there is no heaven, but there are pieces of it. JULES RENARD The reward of great men is that, long after they have died, one is not quite sure that they are dead... JULES RENARD Woman is a miracle of divine contradictions JULES MICHELET Talent is a question of quantity. Talent does not write one page: it writes three hundred. JULES RENARD Talent is a matter of quantity. Talent does not write on page, it writes three hundred. JULES RENARD A cold in the head causes less suffering than an idea. JULES RENARD If you are afraid of being lonely, don't try to be right. JULES RENARD There are places and moments in which one is so completely alone that one sees the world entire. JULES RENARD Failure is not the only punishment for laziness; there is also the success of others. JULES RENARD I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't. JULES RENARD Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend. JULES RENARD I am not sincere, even when I say I am not. JULES RENARD Imagine a society in which there were neither rich nor poor. What evils, afflictions, sorrows, disor... JULES VERNE What is there unreasonable in admitting the intervention of a supernatural power in the most ordinar... JULES VERNE It took a bit of talking through administrative people, but only once did an attorney try and get in... JULES SHEAR Everything great in science and art is simple. What can be less complicated than the greatest discov... JULES VERNE I believe cats to be spirits come to earth. A cat, I am sure, could walk on a cloud without coming t... JULES VERNE I was never really a model. That somehow is in my bio. The whole thing is I was tall since I was a c... JULES ASNER In presence of Nature's grand convulsions, man is powerless. JULES VERNE Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. JULES RENARD The bourgeois are other people. JULES RENARD It doesn't pay to say too much when you are mad enough to choke. For the word that stings the de... JULES RENARD The sea is only the embodiment of a supernatural and wonderful existence. JULES VERNE The ideal of calm exists in a sitting cat. JULES RENARD The sea is everything. It covers seven tenths of the terrestrial globe. Its breath is pure and healt... JULES VERNE The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse. JULES RENARD Far better to be the simplest pedestrian, with knapsack on back, stick in hand, and gun on shoulder,... JULES VERNE Though sleep is called our best friend, it is a friend who often keeps us waiting! JULES VERNE In the United States, there is no project so audacious for which people cannot be found to guarantee... JULES VERNE The Yankees, the first mechanicians in the world, are engineers - just as the Italians are musicians... JULES VERNE Nothing can astound an American. It has often been asserted that the word 'impossible' is no... JULES VERNE Everybody knows that the great reversed triangle of land, with its base in the north and its apex in... JULES VERNE The moon, by her comparative proximity, and the constantly varying appearances produced by her sever... JULES VERNE Truth makes many appeals, not the least of which is its power to shock. JULES RENARD Everybody knows that England is the world of betting men, who are of a higher class than mere gamble... JULES VERNE Still, for long the love of science triumphed over all other feelings. He became an artist deeply im... JULES VERNE The sea is only the embodiment of a supernatural and wonderful existence. It is nothing bu... JULES VERNE On the morrow the horizon was covered with clouds- a thick and impenetrable curtain between earth an... JULES VERNE Man, a mere inhabitant of the earth, cannot overstep its boundaries! But though he is confined to it... JULES VERNE An optimist is a driver who thinks that empty space at the curb won't have a hydrant beside it. JULES RENARD Put two ships in the open sea, without wind or tide, and, at last, they will come together. Throw tw... JULES VERNE The possession of wealth leads almost inevitably to its abuse. It is the chief, if not the only, cau... JULES VERNE We may brave human laws, but we cannot resist natural ones. JULES VERNE Reality provides us with facts so romantic that imagination itself could add nothing to them. JULES VERNE So is man's heart. The desire to perform a work which will endure, which will survive him, is th... JULES VERNE We were alone. Where, I could not say, hardly imagine. All was black, and such a dense black that, a... JULES VERNE Make yourself indispensable, and you will move up. Act as though you are
indispensable, and you will... JULES ORMONT There has never been a statue erected to the memory of someone who let
well enough alone. JULES ELLINGER Success is never final and failure never fatal. It's courage that
counts. JULES ELLINGER Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. JULES COMBARIEU I like smart, funny, self-deprecating men. JULES ASNER I hardly wear any makeup. JULES ASNER I can't stand accessories. JULES ASNER I'm a bad dater - I'm just not good at it. It's so weird dating in this town. It's like high school.... JULES ASNER I have an engagement ring, which is my favorite accessory. JULES ASNER It may be taken for granted that, rash as the Americans are, when they are prudent there is good rea... JULES VERNE Dost thou not understand that there are two distinct forces in us, that of the soul and that of the ... JULES VERNE Dost thou know what life is, my child? Hast thou comprehended the action of those springs which prod... JULES VERNE How many persons condemned to the horrors of solitary confinement have gone mad - simply because the... JULES VERNE When the mind once allows a doubt to gain entrance, the value of deeds performed grow less, their ch... JULES VERNE In consequence of inventing machines, men will be devoured by them. JULES VERNE I have departed from this planet and I have left behind my poor earthly ones with their occupations ... JULES MASSENET With happiness as with health: to enjoy it, one should be deprived of it occasionally. JULES VERNE The sea does not belong to despots. Upon its surface men can still exercise unjust laws, fight, tear... JULES VERNE A cold in the head cause less suffering than an idea. JULES RENARD I find that when I do not think of myself I do not think at all. JULES RENARD Look for the ridiculous in everything and you find it. JULES RENARD The only man who is really free is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving ... JULES RENARD Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties. JULES RENARD I am not sincere, not even when I say I am not. JULES RENARD Make yourself indispensable, and you will move up. Act as though you are indispensable, and you wil... JULES ORMONT Literature is an occupation in which you have to keep proving your talent to people who have none. JULES RENARD There are places and moments in which one is so completely alone that one sees the world entire. -... JULES RENARD Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties JULES RENARD Using the Oval office to cheat on your wife makes you a bad husband and an irresponsible leader. Usi... JULES CARLYSLE Music is the art of thinking with sounds. JULES COMBARIEU Anything one man can imagine, other men can make real. JULES VERNE Words are the coins making up the currency of sentences, and there are always too many small coins. JULES RENARD Words are the small change of thought. JULES RENARD I finally know what distinguishes man from the other beasts: financial worries. JULES RENARD Look for the ridiculous in everything and you will find it. JULES RENARD Literature is an occupation in which you have to keep proving your talent to people who have none. JULES RENARD Everything you want is out there waiting for you to ask. Everything you want also wants you. But you... JULES RENARD Failure is not our only punishment for laziness: there is also the success of others JULES RENARD This forcible abduction, so roughly carried out, was accomplished with the rapidity of lightning. I ... JULES VERNE Could you imagine the OUTRAGE that would ensue if an artist thanked Allah or Zeus for their Grammy A... JULES CARLYSLE A true Englishman doesn't joke when he is talking about so serious a thing as a wager. JULES VERNE In spite of the opinions of certain narrow-minded people, who would shut up the human race upon this... JULES VERNE When science has sent forth her fiat - it is only to hear and obey. JULES VERNE The Chinaman has only a passive courage, but this courage he possesses in the highest degree. His in... JULES VERNE 'Movement is life;' and it is well to be able to forget the past, and kill the present by co... JULES VERNE It is easy for a somebody to be modest, but it is difficult to be modest when one is a nobody JULES RENARD However strong, however imposing a ship may appear, it is not 'disgraced' because it flies b... JULES VERNE Nothing is more dreadful than private duels in America. The two adversaries attack each other like w... JULES VERNE It turned out that the VIN [vehicle identification number] on the contract was off by one digit. JULES PAPP The Nautilus was piercing the water with its sharp spur, after having accomplished nearly ten thousa... JULES VERNE I taught myself how to play when I was about 13. I'm a lefty. JULES SHEAR Science, my lad, is made up of mistakes, but they are mistakes which it is useful to make, because t... JULES VERNE The regions of the North Pole situated within the eighty-fourth degree of north latitude have not ye... JULES VERNE We are of opinion that instead of letting books grow moldy behind an iron grating, far from the vulg... JULES VERNE It is certain that the inanimate objects by which you are surrounded have a direct action on the bra... JULES VERNE When the US sneezes, Canada says, “gesundheit.” JULES CARLYSLE Wrinkles are engraved smiles. JULES RENARD Before all masters, necessity is the one most listened to, and who teaches the best. JULES VERNE You could put this record on and not get jarred half-way through. I wanted it to be all cut from one... JULES SHEAR A man of merit owes himself to the homage of the rest of mankind who recognize his worth. JULES VERNE The world is an enormous injustice. JULES ROMAINS It astounds us to come upon other egoists, as though we alone had the right to be selfish, and to be... JULES RENARD We are so happy to advise others that occasionally we even do it in their interest. JULES RENARD An optimist is a driver who thinks that empty space at the curb won't have a hydrant beside it. JULES RENARD Look for the ridiculous in everything and you will find it JULES RENARD He rose at thirteen minutes to one, and directed his steps towards the large hall, a sumptuous apart... JULES VERNE We don't understand life any better at forty than at twenty, but we know it and admit it JULES RENARD If you are afraid of being lonely, don't try to be right JULES RENARD Words are the coins making up the currency of sentences, and there are always too many small coins JULES RENARD The danger of success is that it makes us forget the world's dreadful injustice. JULES RENARD To have a horror of the bourgeois is bourgeois JULES RENARD One's native land! There should one live! There die! JULES VERNE Science, my lad, has been built upon many errors; but they are errors which it was good to fall into... JULES VERNE Steam seems to have killed all gratitude in the hearts of sailors. JULES VERNE A minimum put to good use is enough for anything. JULES VERNE Paradise does not exist, but we must nonetheless strive to be worthy of it. JULES RENARD I am never bored; to be bored is an insult to one's self. JULES RENARD Ah! Pauvre ami, comme il m'aimait! JULES MASSENET When the defects of others are perceived with so much clarity, it is because one possesses them ones... JULES RENARD A little drowsing cat is an image of a perfect beatitude JULES CHAMPFLEURY Was I to believe him in earnest in his intention to penetrate to the centre of this massive globe? H... JULES VERNE As I grow to understand life less and less, I learn to live it more and more JULES RENARD We are born at the rise of the curtain and we die with its fall, and every night in the presence of ... JULES RENARD I finally know what distinguishes man from the other beasts: financial worries JULES RENARD We spend our lives talking about this mystery - our life. JULES RENARD Words are the small change of thought JULES RENARD Haughty, silent faces should not deceive us: these are the timid ones JULES RENARD The story I am writing exists, written in absolutely perfect fashion, some place, in the air. All I ... JULES RENARD The reward of great men is that, long after they have died, one is not quite sure that they are dead JULES RENARD On earth there is no heaven, but there are pieces of it JULES RENARD The only man who is really free is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving ... JULES RENARD Never does one feel oneself so utterly helpless as in trying to speak comfort for great bereavement.... JULES RENARD There are moments when everything goes well; don't be frightened, it won't last JULES RENARD Don't tell a woman she's pretty; tell her there's no other woman like her, and all roads will open t... JULES RENARD Liberty is worth paying for . . . JULES VERNE Whatever one man is capable of conceiving, other men will be able to achieve JULES VERNE I repeat that the distance between the earth and her satellite is a mere trifle, and undeserving of ... JULES VERNE Music is no longer tasted it is swallowed. JULES VERNE Science, my boy, is made up of mistakes, but they are mistakes which it is useful to make, because t... JULES VERNE I see that it is by no means useless to travel, if a man wants to see something new JULES VERNE It is a great misfortune to be alone, my friends; and it must be believed that solitude can quickly ... JULES VERNE Rewriting to me means, if I work on it for three days, I've rewritten it. JULES SHEAR You cannot oppose reasoning to pride, the principal of all the vices, since, by its very nature, the... JULES VERNE Your story is not a picture of life; it lacks the elements of truth. And why? Simply because you run... JULES VERNE The resolutions passed at the last meeting produced a great effect out of doors. Timid people took f... JULES VERNE He believed in it, as certain good women believe in the leviathan--by faith, not by reason. JULES VERNE Anything one man can imagine, other men can make real JULES VERNE