I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.
Steven Wright
Related A lot of people have said that I'm trying to be like Justin Bieber by wearing a hat all the time... AUSTIN MAHONE When I want to be incognito, I don't wear any hat. Unfortunately, even without the hat, they now... AMELIE NOTHOMB I remember seeing the first Astaire-Rogers musical on television, and I couldn't believe how bea... EDWARD HERRMANN I'd love to cover an 'Incubus' song. I don't think anybody in a cowboy hat on a coun... DUSTIN LYNCH I can't walk down the street with my head up. I'm not a hat wearer, but now I'm a hat we... RANDY HARRISON I use as high SPF as I can get, and I live under a hat like a mushroom all the time. Someone said th... MARCIA CROSS I like colorful stuff. I like wearing stuff that nobody is wearing. That's why I wear the bear h... FRENCH MONTANA I headed out to have a breather at the stage door, dressed in my tramp costume. I had my bowler hat ... IAN MCKELLEN I guess I look strange a bit. Strange but confident. I'm not like a model or anything. I always ... VINCENT CASSEL I have the advantage of being pretty small, so if I'm flying myself, I'm flying coach. To sa... ANNA KENDRICK All I can hope to do is instill great morality in my son and trust him along the way. The music he l... MARK HOPPUS I don't think I have a black-hat image. HAROLD SIMMONS When I first put my hat in the ring, several very tried and true and loyal Democratic activists from... WENDY DAVIS There were no criteria at all except that a woman wear a hat or enjoy wearing hats. CRAIG MARBERRY Not long ago, a hat was a conformist accessory. Then the 1960s came along, and young people didn'... PHILIP TREACY You wear that hat proud. PAULA ABDUL I don't think I care about the hair as much as people think I do. It's just kind of there. I... JACOB DEGROM There is something about New York City that in and of itself is so theatrical hat I use to think... ... DABNEY COLEMAN People don't tend to hassle me because when I've got a hat on, I look like a banker. I'm... KEVIN SPACEY I don't think you should go around talking trash about people because I think that's how you... LL COOL J I said I want to wear a hat. Maybe I'll put it on. CARLOS MARTINEZ I can't live without knowing I have my extensions and ponytail. So I can run out the door at the... CHRISTIE BRINKLEY I told you I'm not going to criticize my successor. I'll just tell you that there are people... GEORGE W. BUSH They've also been known to try and ring the beads on the hat plumes. So we no longer wear plumes dur... CHERI SLEEPER I'm a cowboy. I wear a hat. I drive a 4x4 Silverado diesel truck. I've got a farm. JASON MCCOY I'm really careful about not slamming my politics home in my shows, but I don't try to hide,... BONNIE RAITT I can't believe Tina Turner actually was on the same stage. I can't believe I set foot on th... BRANDY NORWOOD I can wear a hat or take it off, but either way it's a conversation piece. HEDDA HOPPER You had to wear a hat to go to church. We weren't allowed to straighten our hair. We couldn'... GRACE JONES My creativity all comes from the same place. I wear one very comfortable, large hat. TAYLOR NEGRON It doesn't matter the kind of music, it doesn't matter whether it's a cowboy hat or a ya... DAVID LEE ROTH If you ain't got your black hat, there ain't no use in filling out an application. GREG MOORE Hey sky, take off your hat, I'm on my way! VALENTINA TERESHKOVA I love hats; I love putting hats on. They are artwork. You can always go out and find a dress to wea... ZARA PHILLIPS I take my hat off to people like the Stones, but it's not for me. I couldn't do that. Jagger... PAUL WELLER I'd like people to be educated on the voting machines, making sure that our democracy isn't ... EDDIE VEDDER A hat not much the worse for wear. WILLIAM COWPER To be honest, for me, my main workout is when I'm on stage. Even though I make pop music, I don&... CHARLI XCX I'm sickened by all religions. Religion has divided people. I don't think there's any di... HOWARD STERN I guess I'm just the kind of person who likes to do it all. It's fun to put on the writer... DREW GODDARD The less people that are on the stage, there's more drama. You start living the music with each ... GREG LAKE I don't use a hat as a prop. I use it as a part of me. ISABELLA BLOW When I was a little boy I used to borrow my father's hat, and make a press card to stick in the ... CHARLES KURALT I always wear my black watch on my left wrist so I know I'm on stage on time. CONOR MAYNARD I've gone through stages where I hate my body so much that I won't even wear shorts and a br... FIONA APPLE I have a few rules on lipstick... I don't wear gloss because I can't talk properly. I like m... TRACEE ELLIS ROSS I don't think God cares if I wear nail polish or not. I don't think that's a deal breake... SOFIA VERGARA I don't put a girl in a box and clap my hands three times, and she's gone. I get in the box,... DOUG HENNING On stage I have to be comfortable because I play guitar so I can't wear too much jewellery, it k... ELLIE GOULDING What I wear is everything - from how I carry my hair to what I'm wearing on my feet. I have to f... LAURA MVULA I don't know if I have a 'Greatest Album Ever.' I really liked 'The Blueprint' b... HANNIBAL BURESS I could never be on stage on my own. But puppets can say things that humans can't say. NINA CONTI I don't tour the TV studios. I don't gossip over lunch. I don't drink in Parliament'... THERESA MAY I simply can't wear an outfit if I don't feel that is right for me. TAHAR RAHIM Tipping your hat to a lady is good form. If you're at a dinner table, you'd most certainly t... LYLE LOVETT Prince is the ultimate performer. Prince is that dude that's going to get on stage by himself, i... NE-YO A hat not much worse for wear. WILLIAM COWPER I used to wear heels because I wanted to show people I wasn't ashamed of being tall. But I don... ELLE MACPHERSON I'm going to let them stay up until midnight and do what they've got to do, wave and wear a hat if t... URBAN MEYER I don't wear the see-through shirts or anything too glittery. I come from that '90s school o... MEEK MILL I think a lot of people mistake my confidence on stage for cockiness in real life, and that's ac... RUSSELL PETERS I don't always wear underwear. When I'm in the heat, especially, I can't wear it. Like, ... NAOMI CAMPBELL I don't mind a big fascinator. I think there is more scope for artwork in a fascinator rather th... ZARA PHILLIPS The two men had a conversation. Brief, cryptic, to the point. As though they had exchanged numbers a... ARUNDHATI ROY I've found that you don't need to wear a necktie if you can hit. TED WILLIAMS We all die, it's a fact that today you aren't here, yesterday you weren't here doesn't mean that tom... DEYTH BANGER We were afraid of the roof coming off the stage. When we hit the stage, we still had wind, and sand ... BOB REILLY I didn't want to play a rancher. I didn't want to have a cowboy hat on; I wanted to get away... TIM MCGRAW As you know, I'm androgynous. I can wear a jacket that most guys wouldn't put on. But you ma... STEVEN TYLER A lot of people assume I have a great hat collection, but kids steal my hats at every show. I've... MAC DEMARCO The aesthetic came along the way, I think - just through experimenting, and going on tour, and tryin... FLORENCE WELCH I don't really have any gimmicks. I don't actually do anything that's strange. I don'... LANA DEL REY Somebody has to wear the black hat and give the audience someone to shake their fists at. They want ... JANE ELLIOT What the hell is that?" I laughed. "It's my fox hat." "Your fox hat?" "Yeah, Pudge. M... JOHN GREEN I'm more in that Rafa Nadal high-energy high-octane mold out there. I wear that emotion on the c... LLEYTON HEWITT Sometimes you just gotta wear the tinfoil hat. GARY HOPKINS I don't reject caution, but you also have to be careful about caution because there's a stag... YAIR LAPID I've always avoided publicity. I've never been good copy at any stage of my life. I don'... CHUCK NOLL Hat-making is laborious and time-consuming. It's a very tactile medium, and you can develop the ... PHILIP TREACY For a long time, I refused to wear jeans. I liked high-waisted pants, but jeans made me feel like I ... ELLE FANNING Sometimes I get ideas from childhood. In 'The Hat', Hedgie starts getting teased about his h... JAN BRETT A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on. FRED ALLEN There are a lot of different facets to my personality that I don't use all the time in my house,... NANCY MARCHAND I'm just going to be myself; there's no reason for me to try and go out there and put a cert... PAIGE VANZANT My mother missed having dinner with Lyndon Johnson because she couldn't find the right hat to we... EMILIO ESTEVEZ I was freaking out when Brooks & Dunn were breaking up. I thought 'We play a ton of rodeos, ... RONNIE DUNN I make hats. I'm on a hat frenzy. I'm on my eighth and I love it. AMANDA SEYFRIED Honor's a good brooch to wear in a man's hat at all times BEN JONSON We aren't handicapped in any way except by what other people think. Focus on people's abilit... MARLEE MATLIN I don't wear my political feelings on my sleeve. However, if I'm asked, I will answer honest... EARTHA KITT In the summer I wear shorts with a bright top and ankle boots or just sandals. I'll add a nice s... ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO A sermon on a hat: "'The hat, my boy, the hat, whatever it may
be, is in itself nothing--makes not... DOUGLAS JERROLD I used to play football with a load of lads, and I would be like a secret agent going out with a hat... KATARINA JOHNSON-THOMPSON He didn't hardly ever wear a hat around here, DAVID MORSE I couldn't be 'Johnny' in front of a camera in acting jobs and behind the camera I like ... JOHNNY VEGAS I can cry at the drop of a hat. I've always found that easier than laughing in films. EMILY BROWNING Many search for happiness as we look for a hat we wear on our heads. NIKOLAUS LENUS My friends have noticed that if I suddenly go through a couple of months' unemployment, there se... REBECCA HALL I started to be much happier in my relationships when I realized that I can only control myself. Tha... CRYSTAL REED I don't see my dancing or acting as two separate things. I don't define them separately, so ... BEBE NEUWIRTH
More Steven Wright
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STEVEN WRIGHT I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral ... STEVEN WRIGHT I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. STEVEN WRIGHT If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, d... STEVEN WRIGHT I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. STEVEN WRIGHT I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an... STEVEN WRIGHT I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.' STEVEN WRIGHT I intend to live forever. So far, so good. STEVEN WRIGHT A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. STEVEN WRIGHT Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories. STEVEN WRIGHT In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be... STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature. STEVEN WRIGHT Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. STEVEN WRIGHT I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. STEVEN WRIGHT Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. STEVEN WRIGHT I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.' STEVEN WRIGHT At one point he decided enough was enough. STEVEN WRIGHT I thought I would be a guy on the radio. STEVEN WRIGHT I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that w... STEVEN WRIGHT Like other kids wanted to become firemen or astronauts, I wanted to make people laugh. STEVEN WRIGHT It seems like we wake up and it's a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and ... STEVEN WRIGHT I laugh all the time - at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don't laugh onstage because th... STEVEN WRIGHT I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and g... STEVEN WRIGHT I didn't want to be selling insurance at 40, wondering what would it have been like to do stand-... STEVEN WRIGHT I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding. STEVEN WRIGHT So, do you live around here often? STEVEN WRIGHT I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way thro... STEVEN WRIGHT Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it beca... STEVEN WRIGHT I was always making my friends laugh, but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom. STEVEN WRIGHT I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing film... STEVEN WRIGHT I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11. STEVEN WRIGHT I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add. STEVEN WRIGHT I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for thre... STEVEN WRIGHT When I die, I'm gonna leave my body to science fiction. STEVEN WRIGHT Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really ex... STEVEN WRIGHT It usually helps me write by reading - somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear. STEVEN WRIGHT I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I t... STEVEN WRIGHT You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The... STEVEN WRIGHT I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he di... STEVEN WRIGHT I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don't. STEVEN WRIGHT I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, ... STEVEN WRIGHT I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything. STEVEN WRIGHT There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalato... STEVEN WRIGHT It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. STEVEN WRIGHT I've always had to conquer fear when I'm on stage. Basically, I was and still am a very shy ... STEVEN WRIGHT OK, so what's the speed of dark? STEVEN WRIGHT Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in Ja... STEVEN WRIGHT I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking', but I don't have that much time. STEVEN WRIGHT I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I... STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific. STEVEN WRIGHT Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home. STEVEN WRIGHT If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere i... STEVEN WRIGHT I invented the cordless extension cord. STEVEN WRIGHT I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy. STEVEN WRIGHT For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them f... STEVEN WRIGHT Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that d... STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during... STEVEN WRIGHT If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back? STEVEN WRIGHT My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage. STEVEN WRIGHT I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be assoc... STEVEN WRIGHT Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-g... STEVEN WRIGHT When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to ... STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically. STEVEN WRIGHT There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really inte... STEVEN WRIGHT I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not tryi... STEVEN WRIGHT I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and force... STEVEN WRIGHT How young can you die of old age? STEVEN WRIGHT I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. STEVEN WRIGHT I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost. STEVEN WRIGHT Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it. STEVEN WRIGHT I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistical... STEVEN WRIGHT I'm going to get an MRI to find out whether I have claustrophobia. STEVEN WRIGHT I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side. STEVEN WRIGHT I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I... STEVEN WRIGHT I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black... STEVEN WRIGHT I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter. STEVEN WRIGHT If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too? STEVEN WRIGHT It's like the Wild West, the Internet. There are no rules. STEVEN WRIGHT Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? STEVEN WRIGHT When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually... STEVEN WRIGHT I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car. STEVEN WRIGHT On the other hand, you have different fingers. STEVEN WRIGHT I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the othe... STEVEN WRIGHT They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic. STEVEN WRIGHT I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. STEVEN WRIGHT All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand. STEVEN WRIGHT Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. STEVEN WRIGHT What a nice night for an evening. STEVEN WRIGHT If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. STEVEN WRIGHT If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you. STEVEN WRIGHT Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. STEVEN WRIGHT Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? STEVEN WRIGHT Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. STEVEN WRIGHT I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. STEVEN WRIGHT I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. STEVEN WRIGHT There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. STEVEN WRIGHT What's another word for Thesaurus? STEVEN WRIGHT I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head. STEVEN WRIGHT If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts. STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. STEVEN WRIGHT If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke? STEVEN WRIGHT You can't have everything. Where would you put it? STEVEN WRIGHT Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. STEVEN WRIGHT My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant... STEVEN WRIGHT I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. STEVEN WRIGHT My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right... STEVEN WRIGHT I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there. STEVEN WRIGHT If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? STEVEN WRIGHT If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer? STEVEN WRIGHT A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. STEVEN WRIGHT I like to reminisce with people I don't know. STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it. STEVEN WRIGHT I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, 'You... STEVEN WRIGHT I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where’s the self-help section?' She said if she t... STEVEN WRIGHT My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out. STEVEN WRIGHT What happens if you get scared half to death twice? STEVEN WRIGHT George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a ... STEVEN WRIGHT Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go... STEVEN WRIGHT I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography. STEVEN WRIGHT Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night. STEVEN WRIGHT When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I ... STEVEN WRIGHT Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build... STEVEN WRIGHT I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke. STEVEN WRIGHT My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere. STEVEN WRIGHT I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious! STEVEN WRIGHT I never even thought of myself as deadpan until someone wrote an article about me about a year after... STEVEN WRIGHT I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world...... STEVEN WRIGHT If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? STEVEN WRIGHT It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It'... STEVEN WRIGHT I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. STEVEN WRIGHT I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. STEVEN WRIGHT I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes. STEVEN WRIGHT I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll c... STEVEN WRIGHT My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she lov... STEVEN WRIGHT When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'W... STEVEN WRIGHT Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect. STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map. It has "You are here" written all over it. STEVEN WRIGHT If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap... STEVEN WRIGHT You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows u... STEVEN WRIGHT Consciousness: That annoying time between naps STEVEN WRIGHT When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few m... STEVEN WRIGHT What's another word for Thesaurus? STEVEN WRIGHT There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. STEVEN WRIGHT Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I ... STEVEN WRIGHT It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. STEVEN WRIGHT If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer? STEVEN WRIGHT I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. STEVEN WRIGHT I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it. STEVEN WRIGHT I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. STEVEN WRIGHT Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. STEVEN WRIGHT Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. ... STEVEN WRIGHT I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the li... STEVEN WRIGHT Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to... STEVEN WRIGHT I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize STEVEN WRIGHT The past week our bullpen threw a lot, especially with the doubleheaders in the (Rainbow) tournament... STEVEN WRIGHT In terms of visits, we're probably going to wind up 3 to 5 percent ahead in visits and probably doub... STEVEN WRIGHT The uncertainty is petrol prices, STEVEN WRIGHT Our modelling suggest bond yields should rise in line with the US by at least 1 per cent. The X fact... STEVEN WRIGHT Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. W... STEVEN WRIGHT I've known Ian for a while. It's not about beating the best pitcher. He's still my buddy. I'll proba... STEVEN WRIGHT I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. STEVEN WRIGHT It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it. STEVEN WRIGHT I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time. STEVEN WRIGHT I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote", so right before I die I could say "unquote" STEVEN WRIGHT If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is ma... STEVEN WRIGHT Comedians are sociologists. We're pointing out stuff that the general public doesn't even st... STEVEN WRIGHT Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even ... STEVEN WRIGHT When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never... STEVEN WRIGHT It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature. STEVEN WRIGHT Sponges grow in the ocean. This bothers me. How deep would it be if they didn't? STEVEN WRIGHT Childhood was very nice. The only thing wrong was that I was so introverted, everything became a big... STEVEN WRIGHT Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life. STEVEN WRIGHT My favorite book is anything by Kurt Vonnegut - he's my literary hero. I got to meet him several... STEVEN WRIGHT I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. STEVEN WRIGHT I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so... STEVEN WRIGHT I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you�... STEVEN WRIGHT I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out... STEVEN WRIGHT Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. STEVEN WRIGHT I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving... STEVEN WRIGHT It's very interesting, the joke comes first and then the wording comes within five seconds, mayb... STEVEN WRIGHT