I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead.


Woody Allen

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I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead- not sick, not wounded - dead.
WOODY ALLEN
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
WOODY ALLEN
I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying, dead.
OSCAR WILDE
If Woody Allen were a Muslim, he'd be dead by now.
SALMAN RUSHDIE
IF YOU CAN'T THANK GOD FOR WHAT YOU HAVE, THANK HIM FOR WHAT YOU HAVE ESCAPED!
NOT SURE
i believe in love. lust. sex. romance. i don't want everything to add up to the perfect equation...i...
NOT REAL
A conservative is a liberal who just got mugged and a liberal is a conservative who just got arreste...
NOT SURE
If you are constantly looking in the rear view mirror, how will you ever see what is in front of you...
NOT SURE
If Woody Allen were a Muslim, he'd be dead by now.
SALMAN RUSHDIE
Thanx for all you did and said, i'm so grateful dad's not dead
VICTORIA WOOD
I think Woody Allen is Woody Allen, and no matter where he goes he still makes his Woody Allen films...
ABBAS KIAROSTAMI
Leopards do that sometimes. They eat away the dead tissue if wounded seriously.
BOOL SMUTS
Do not mourn the dead with the belly
HOMER
I cry for those not yet dead.
FRANK HERBERT
I'm not dead. I mean, I may be getting older, but I'm not dead!
SHERYL CROW
My name is Katniss Everdeen.
Why am I not dead?
I should be dead.
SUZANNE COLLINS
The priests shall not eat of any thing that is dead of itself, or torn, whether it be fowl or beast.
BIBLE
One of my biggest fears is that I'm going to die alone in my home, and my cats will eat me because I...
KELLI JAE BAELI
Dishonor will not trouble me, once I am dead.
EURIPIDES
Walking out into the night with a water fey was all kinds of stupid. Heck, Kelpies eat people. They ...
E.J. STEVENS
Is he dead?" he inquired. "He looks dead."
"No," snapped Maryse. "He's not dead."
"Have ...
CASSANDRA CLARE
Yeah I flirt, I'm not blind and I'm not dead!
DOLLY PARTON
We are not quite sure if he is alive or dead,
BAQIR JABBUR
Do not attempt to confute a lion after he's dead
THE TALMUD
Else what shall they do which are baptized for the dead, if the dead rise not at all? why are they t...
BIBLE
Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.
JACK HANDY
And all wept, and bewailed her: but he said, Weep not; she is not dead, but sleepeth.
BIBLE
We've been up in arms for years and years and years, but it's a dead-end street. He's not moving any...
CAROL KENNEDY
It's not going to be a one-way trip. But the bear is dead and we're transitioning from a bear mood t...
AL GOLDMAN
If we do not stay on track, we are dead meat.
CLAUDE BOLTON
It's not just dead speed. He can go from zero to 60 in about two steps.
RANDY THORESON
If not for the stabbing, I would not expect him to be dead at this point.
DAN SCHULTZ
Eternity is not something that begins after you're dead. It is going on all the time. We are in it n...
CHARLOTTE PERKINS GILMAN
Thirty-eight percent is not a lot, but he's not dead.
SILAS LEE
I will not say that your mulberry trees are dead; but I am afraid they're not alive.
JANE AUSTEN
I want my rockstars dead.
BILL HICKS
Dead or not, I have come for his heart and I will have it.
HOLLY BLACK
My influences were Woody Allen and Lenny Bruce.
DAVID STEINBERG
Twenty-six are dead, 130 wounded.
KRZYSZTOF MEJER
I hate Woody Allen physically, I dislike that kind of man.
ORSON WELLES
Those who are in earnest do not die, those who are thoughtless are as if dead already.
FRIEDRICH MAX MULLER
Such as a universe that is not made of dead, mute, inert matter.
DAVE FREER
All who are not lunatics are agreed about certain things : That it is better to be alive than dead, ...
BERTRAND RUSSELL
We're not even dealing with dead bodies, ... They're just pushing them on the side.
RAY NAGIN
And do not speak of those who are slain in Allah's way as dead; nay, (they are) alive, but you do no...
QURAN
Surely you do not make the dead to hear, and you do not make the deaf to hear the call when they go ...
QURAN
I was paralyzed, ... It was sick, sick, sick. They are not human. It's so hard to watch because ther...
MAGUI SERNA
I do not share the wish to see my language dead and decently buried.
DOUGLAS HYDE
I will travel thousands miles to be with you when you are sad. I will not close my eyes while you ar...
PETER SAYSOMPHANE
Yes Im young,We Belong,Love Is Sung,By the peaceful Song...Listen Please, You'll fall to your knees,...
NOT YER TYPICAL DORK
I'm a writer and director, and the movie I've seen a million times is 'Stardust Memories...
ROMAN COPPOLA
The match I struck shall not run dead
You’re my first inhale, my last cigarette.
MIE HANSSON
Words do not pay for my dead people.
CHIEF JOSEPH
One dead body required two men either to bury it or to transport it to the rear. A wounded soldier, ...
STéPHANE AUDEGUY
I am not glad she is dead, but I am not sorry she is gone.
CHRISTINA BAKER KLINE
There are not many A-list directors who get to make the movies they want to make. I know two: Woody ...
MARTIN LANDAU
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
GEORGE BURNS
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
GEORGE F. BURNS
Better off dead than giving in; not taking what you want.
CAROL ANN DUFFY
My secret wish is right now to be romancing this dead girl. A dead girl. Any dead girl. I'm not what...
CHUCK PALAHNIUK
The dead shouldn’t cry, not even the lesser dead.
CHRISTOPHER BUEHLMAN
Who are you, Woody Allen?
JOY BEHAR
I will not because I want to eat beef call a COW "uncle"
RAYMOND BOLA BROWNE
I needed not to be dead when I agreed.”
“You needed not to be alone.
SARAH J. MAAS
I used to say that the Constitution is not a living document. It's dead, dead, dead. But I'v...
ANTONIN SCALIA
We're not getting sick, but everybody is getting a ... rash.
JANYNE EVAN
...I might mention my belief that girls who like Woody Allen movies are nicer girls than girls who d...
ADAM LEVIN
You're not dead. You're too goddamn annoying to be dead.
LILI ST. CROW
Woody Allen is a great dramatist and a great comedian.
CATE BLANCHETT
We're not dead yet, ... The fat lady hasn't sung yet. She was spraying her throat there for a while ...
RICHIE ADUBATO
We do not believe, had he been white, that he would be dead. And when we black folks say to America ...
DICK GREGORY
If not for the chief coming by, at least one of our stallions would be dead,
JOHN FULLER
It doesn't mean he's dead. But he's not visible publicly, and he's not been seen or reported to have...
PETER PACE
We still believe he's alive. Many people tell us, 'You're wrong,' but he's not dead until you prove ...
DARLENE GUSTOVICH
We're not playing pitter-patter at the plate any more. We talked to the team about how we were dead ...
TONY ROBICHAUX
It's not just to the families. I think it's a national sentiment that we bury our dead, that we do e...
DIANE HORNING
We're not going to be able to create a town center. That's a dead deal.
BILL HIDELL
Weep ye not for the dead, neither bemoan him: but weep sore for him that goeth away: for he shall re...
BIBLE
I have to clarify that the number of the dead victims discovered as of Friday was not 55 as was repo...
FRANS SALEM
They are not dead who live in lives they leave behind; In those whom they have blessed, they live a ...
HUGH ROBERT ORR
They may torture my body, break my bones, even kill me-then they will have my dead body, not my obed...
MAHATMA GANDHI
When I'm not a politician, I'll be dead.
BARRY GOLDWATER
I definitely have a little Woody Allen inside of me. That is true.
AUTRE NE VEUT
I like my subjects to be American, and not too dead, so I can interview people who knew them.
A. SCOTT BERG
My neighbors are quiet. I am not. I don't know if they're dead or alive.
CHARO
I choose not to make a graveyard of my body for the rotting corpses of dead animals.
GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
And when the truth comes out I'll just go get my son 'cause I know my son's not dead.
AMY WHITE
I've been looking forward to seeing the trial of the criminal, ... I feel that my sister's soul will...
ABDUL KARIM
Five people are dead and 12 others have been wounded.
AHMED IBRAHIM
So far, we've received three dead bodies and 20 wounded.
ZAHIR SHAH
They may torture my body, break my bones, even kill me. Then they will have my dead body, but not my...
MAHATMA GANDHI
I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk.
JOHN HUSTON
We're not dead yet,
GARY NEVILLE
I thought living dead girls couldn't feel pain, thought I was emptied out but I'm not, I'm not.
ELIZABETH SCOTT
Dead, but not allowed to die. Alive, but as good as dead.
SUZANNE COLLINS
I'm sick of hearing, thinking and talking about Woody Allen. Nonetheless, the allegations agains...
ROXANE GAY
Woody Allen movies are like Beatles songs. I can't name my favorite without you immediately nami...
COLIN TREVORROW
The holy man, though he be distressed, does not eat food mixed with wickedness. The lion, though h...
SASKYA PANDITA
Human beings do not eat nutrients, they eat food.
MARY CATHERINE BATESON
I'm not a machine. I get really motivated, then I fall off the wagon and want to eat Chinese foo...
SHEMAR MOORE

More Woody Allen

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
WOODY ALLEN
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and pot...
WOODY ALLEN
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
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My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
WOODY ALLEN
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very in...
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What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car...
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What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman...
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God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. . . I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
WOODY ALLEN
The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to m...
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There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and w...
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Sex is nature's way of saying 'Hi!'
WOODY ALLEN
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any
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sex is simple, love stings afterwards.
WOODY ALLEN
If it wasn't for dogs, some people would never go for a walk.
WOODY ALLEN
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
WOODY ALLEN
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
WOODY ALLEN
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
WOODY ALLEN
I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
WOODY ALLEN
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
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What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jum...
WOODY ALLEN
You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?
WOODY ALLEN
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
WOODY ALLEN
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
WOODY ALLEN
The decision to decide is a decision in itself.
WOODY ALLEN
One small decision can change your life! That's why I always let someone else make my decisions, tha...
WOODY ALLEN
Growing up is amazing, until you get old!
WOODY ALLEN
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white...
WOODY ALLEN
If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
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I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.
WOODY ALLEN
Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.
WOODY ALLEN
The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
WOODY ALLEN
I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.
WOODY ALLEN
In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Th...
WOODY ALLEN
Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
WOODY ALLEN
A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
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Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that y...
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Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -...
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If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
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In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and...
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My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else.
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Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
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It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic.
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I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked...
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For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermu...
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Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.
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The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep..
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Marriage is the death of hope.
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Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
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I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I...
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I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
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I am at two with nature.
WOODY ALLEN
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
WOODY ALLEN
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
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I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.
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I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
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It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the ba...
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In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
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If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
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Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to ...
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More than at any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and ut...
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A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. An...
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Eighty percent of success is showing up.
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What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy...
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I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
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Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
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Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exc...
WOODY ALLEN
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
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It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is ...
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I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
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I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me
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To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. ...
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Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
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Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex an...
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What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.
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How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans.
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Innovation is the ability to see change as an opportunity - not a threat
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Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.
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Eternity is really long, especially near the end
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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
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I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
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Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
WOODY ALLEN
If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take tw...
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Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions
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A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight ...
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The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.
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The best way to find your perfect match is to meet love halfway.
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There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem t...
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Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on offi...
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To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
WOODY ALLEN
Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they f...
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Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
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Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
WOODY ALLEN
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
WOODY ALLEN
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad o...
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Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
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Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful, and multiply'. But not in t...
WOODY ALLEN
Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
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To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
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I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to fin...
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I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
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He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
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Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty da...
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Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boa...
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As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure ou...
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In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
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The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't h...
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I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
WOODY ALLEN
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
WOODY ALLEN
Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
WOODY ALLEN
My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make fi...
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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the bo...
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It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
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I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife
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If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job
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It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
WOODY ALLEN
Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence, so why bother shaving?
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Whosover loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.
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The wicked at heart probably know something.
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My Lord, my Lord! What hast Thou done, lately?
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Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
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If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job.
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Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead- not sick, not wounded - dead.
WOODY ALLEN
For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath ...
WOODY ALLEN
We were married by a reformed rabbi in Long Island. A very reformed rabbi. A Nazi.
WOODY ALLEN
The only difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to m...
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Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
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My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
WOODY ALLEN
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat...
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It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
WOODY ALLEN
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought--...
WOODY ALLEN
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
WOODY ALLEN
If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say ab...
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I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way aroun...
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I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
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I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
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How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
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How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typ...
WOODY ALLEN
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
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Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
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As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to g...
WOODY ALLEN
Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be ther...
WOODY ALLEN
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter...
WOODY ALLEN
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundre...
WOODY ALLEN
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
WOODY ALLEN
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
WOODY ALLEN
Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverag...
WOODY ALLEN
The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get y...
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Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
WOODY ALLEN
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
WOODY ALLEN
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
WOODY ALLEN
My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
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Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
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Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
WOODY ALLEN
A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
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Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declare...
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The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.
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Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
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I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants
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I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
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Everytime I hear Wagner I feel like invading Poland.
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She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could ca...
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My brain? That´s my second favourite organ.
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I think any boycott is wrong, ... Boycotts were exactly what the Germans were doing against the Jews...
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Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you ca...
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Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
WOODY ALLEN
As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to ge...
WOODY ALLEN
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
WOODY ALLEN
There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says...
WOODY ALLEN
I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horr...
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If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.
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I like the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life.
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It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones
slept better, [Cloquet...
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Subjectivity is objective.
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The most expensive sex is free sex
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These modern analysts! They charge so much. In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you....
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It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blow...
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We laughed over it, and Hemingway punched me in the mouth.
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I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
WOODY ALLEN
Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.
WOODY ALLEN
You will notice that what we are aiming at when we fall in love is a very strange paradox. The parad...
WOODY ALLEN
This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother’s crazy. He thinks he’s a chicken. The...
WOODY ALLEN
The heart wants what it wants.
WOODY ALLEN
We're all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions, moral choices. Some are on a grand sc...
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Chapter 1.
He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion...no, make t...
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My brain? That's my second favorite organ.
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