I'd love to go back to school for philosophy. I love philosophy, so I'm always reading philosophy books, annoying my girlfriend with that type of stuff.


Parker Young

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In youth, it was a way I had,
To do my best to please.
And change, with every passing lad<...
DOROTHY PARKER
I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.
DOROTHY PARKER
Some men break your heart in two,
Some men fawn and flatter,
Some men never look at you; DOROTHY PARKER
As society advances the standard of poverty rises.
THEODORE PARKER
All I say is, nobody has any business to go around looking like a horse and behaving as if it were a...
DOROTHY PARKER
Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
DOROTHY PARKER
There's a helluva distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply...
DOROTHY PARKER
Those who have mastered etiquette, who are entirely, impeccably right, would seem to arrive at a poi...
DOROTHY PARKER
I never thought that heav'n would lose its blue
And sullen storm-clouds mask the gentle sky; DOROTHY PARKER
All those writers who write about their childhood! Gentle God, if I wrote about mine you wouldn't si...
DOROTHY PARKER
I shall stay the way I am because I do not give a damn.
DOROTHY PARKER
They sicken at the calm that know the storm.
DOROTHY PARKER
They sicken of the calm, who knew the storm.
DOROTHY PARKER
Good work, Mary. We all knew you had it in you.
DOROTHY PARKER
Only Christ could have conceived Christ.
JOSEPH PARKER
He'd have given me rolling lands,
Houses of marble, and billowing farms,
Pearls, to trickle ...
DOROTHY PARKER
Why is it no one ever sent me yet one perfect limousine, do you suppose? Ah no, it's always just my ...
DOROTHY PARKER
Let others laugh when you sacrifice desire to duty, if they will. You have time and eternity to rejo...
THEODORE PARKER
Let us do our duty, in our shop in our kitchen, in the market, the street, the office, the school, t...
THEODORE PARKER
By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infi...
DOROTHY PARKER
Out in Hollywood, where the streets are paved with Goldwyn, the word
DOROTHY PARKER
They laid their hands upon my head,
They stroked my cheek and brow;
And time could heal a hu...
DOROTHY PARKER
Wealth and want equally harden the human heart, like frost and fire both are alien to human flesh.
THEODORE PARKER
Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.
DOROTHY PARKER
Hollywood money isn't money. It's congealed snow, melts in your hand, and there you are.
DOROTHY PARKER
I can't talk about Hollywood. It was a horror to me when I was there and it's a horror to look back ...
DOROTHY PARKER
Gratitude -- the meanest and most sniveling attribute in the world.
DOROTHY PARKER
I don't care what anybody says about me as long as it isn't true.
DOROTHY PARKER
Where's the man could ease a heart, like a satin gown?
DOROTHY PARKER
Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
DOROTHY PARKER
Four be the things I am wiser to know:
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
Four be the th...
DOROTHY PARKER
It is very sad for a man to make himself servant to a single thing; his manhood all taken out of him...
THEODORE PARKER
I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
After four...
DOROTHY PARKER
Enjoyed it! One more drink and I'd have been under the host.
DOROTHY PARKER
Drink, and dance and laugh and lie, love the reeling midnight through, for tomorrow we shall die! (B...
DOROTHY PARKER
It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.
DOROTHY PARKER
He Robert Benchley and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery.
DOROTHY PARKER
And if my heart be scarred and burned, The safer, I, for all I learned; The calmer, I, to see it tru...
DOROTHY PARKER
Every year, back come Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground al...
DOROTHY PARKER
Sorrow is tranquility remembered in emotion.
DOROTHY PARKER
Self-denial is indispensable to a strong character, and the highest kind comes from a religious stoc...
THEODORE PARKER
We are a rebellious nation. Our whole history is treason; our blood was attained before we were born...
THEODORE PARKER