I'm going to get an MRI to find out whether I have claustrophobia.

I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right; don't send me a bill until I pay you.'