I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
Groucho Marx
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I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN I feel the happiest when I'm at the golf course. And I feel calm when I'm on the golf course...
INBEE PARK I think I'm really good at forgetting about golf when I'm off the golf course.
INBEE PARK When I'm off the golf course, I feel the pressure, but I try to concentrate on the golf course.
INBEE PARK The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN I'm not the most charismatic, maybe emotional, fun-packed individual on the golf course; I get t...
ZACH JOHNSON Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW I'm not very good in the rain. I don't wear a golf glove.
FRED COUPLES The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX Outside the golf course, I feel the pressure, and I feel what everybody else is feeling. But on the ...
INBEE PARK Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER I don't hit it very far; I don't overpower a golf course, but I think I'm a pretty decen...
ZACH JOHNSON Whenever I walk off the golf course, I thank God that I'm able to tell a joke. I thank God I'...
RAY ROMANO I'm a doctor; we work in teams. I'm very committed to problem solving.
RAUL RUIZ When I'm off the golf course, and my wife and I have free time, which is not very often, we real...
ZACH JOHNSON I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generatio...
JOE ROGAN I'm not a doctor - so I can't describe flashbacks well - but it is like you're living it...
DARRELL HAMMOND If people see me having dinner with a beautiful woman, they immediately believe that I'm having ...
GEORGE CLOONEY I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and ...
ELLIOTT GOULD I'm not a comedian. And I'm not sick. The world is sick, and I'm the doctor. I'm a s...
LENNY BRUCE I'm so glad I didn't become a doctor, because I do more than any doctor can do. I am an admi...
DIKEMBE MUTOMBO I'm gonna be the best dad that ever lived. I'll have a ranch with a race car track and a gol...
JEREMY LONDON Having inched closer and accomplished some of my major goals in the sport of golf, no pun intended, ...
JORDAN SPIETH I think golf is literally an addiction. I'm surprised there's not Golf Anonymous.
LARRY DAVID When I'm swinging well, nobody hits the golf ball any better than I do.
DAVID DUVAL I'm very big into just feeling good and doing what I want; I'm not very calculated or though...
JEN KIRKMAN When it comes down to it, I'm thinking about football all the time. When I'm on the golf cou...
AL MICHAELS I'm not an environmentalist, or a doctor, or a nutritionist.
DAN BARBER I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY When I'm not working, I like to play golf.
SAMUEL L. JACKSON I'm still a proud Irishman, of course, but I've become an American citizen. I'm very, ve...
LIAM NEESON My doctor asked me how many golf balls I had hit in my career. I'm lying there in bed calculatin...
GREG NORMAN I'm addicted. I'm addicted to golf.
TIGER WOODS I think there was a petition online to get me involved in 'Doctor Who.' I'm not a 'D...
GINA BELLMAN I don't play golf, and I'm not into horse racing.
LLOYD DORFMAN I'm a thirty-something ranch wife, mother of four, moderately agoraphobic middle child who grew ...
REE DRUMMOND The council was not the least in favor of it. We just don't need another golf course. We've certainl...
BOB FERRARO I'm very, very used to feeling anonymous, you know?
DAVID HAREWOOD I'm not very relaxed; I always need to be doing something.
KEVIN WHATELY I'm constantly dogged with a feeling of fraudulence, so if somebody tells me they like what I...
GLEN DUNCAN I like going there for golf. America's one vast golf course these days.
EDWARD VIII I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d...
FRANK FERRANTE The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH I've had three broken legs and two knee replacements. But I'm very good at apres golf.
LETITIA BALDRIGE You know I need that cockiness, the self-belief, arrogance, swagger, whatever you want to call it, I...
RORY MCILROY I don't walk around feeling like I'm successful. I feel like I did well.
ELIE TAHARI Well, I think I am a very, very lucky person. I'm very fortunate.
DAVID DINKINS I don't go to the doctor except when I'm very ill, and when I go to India, I drink a drop of...
NASSIM NICHOLAS TALEB A big part of managing a golf course is managing your swing on the course. A lot of guys can go out ...
JACK NICKLAUS Everything can be going well, but if I'm not writing, I'm not happy. When I'm writing we...
AARON SORKIN I'm ready to stretch my legs. I'm ready to jump in the ring.
BEANIE SIGEL I'm pretty professional. I'm very aware when I'm not playing well and what I need to imp...
DANIEL NESTOR On nights that I'm feeling a need to stretch personally and artistically, I tend to put together...
ESPERANZA SPALDING It's a shot-maker's golf course. And it's not a one-dimensional type golf course.
FRED FUNK I'm a medical doctor and a biomedical scientist.
STEVEN HATFILL I'm not going to lie, I love TV. I watch a ton of it - golf, HGTV, football.
CHARLES KELLEY Well, I'm not one of those people who needs the limelight. If I'm performing, that's wha...
PATTI SMITH Our golf course is very good and very playable, it's just not very pretty right now.
ALAN PUCKETT I'm a very driven, ambitious, positive person. But I'm a spiritual person as well.
VICTORIA BECKHAM We need a golf course in this county for the citizens of this county. I think this is the right time...
HECTOR RODRIGUEZ I am very proud to be British. I'm very conscious of carrying my country with me wherever I go. ...
JULIE ANDREWS I'm a vegetarian - I think there's a strong possibility, had I not become a vegetarian, I wo...
BOB BARKER I'm a very motivated person. I don't need extra motivation.
CARSON WENTZ I'm very romantic and of course I want to be in love.
EMMA WATSON I'm pretty much friendly and compassionate to everybody. But not to people in the ring.
DANIEL BRYAN I like being a foreigner. For me, to live in California is very pleasant - I'm more comfortable ...
ERIC IDLE I'm not a very good yes man, and I'm not very easily controlled.
BROCK LESNAR I know the Bible pretty well. I'm not one of those guys who can immediately start quoting every ...
JOHN DARNIELLE Man, I'm in the World Golf Hall of Fame. Don't forget that, now. I'm in the World Golf H...
CHARLIE SIFFORD I don't feel badly about that. There's a lot of energy on the golf course. The guys are play...
HAL SUTTON I'm a very spoiled writer. I need to be indolent, to waste a lot of paper. I'm inefficient.
DEBORAH EISENBERG When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE I looked at myself, and I just said, 'Well, you know, I can sing, but I'm not the greatest s...
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN I'm not a perfectionist. I'm just very observant.
CHRIS VAN ALLSBURG I was proud of our effort to make it this far. This was a very difficult golf course.
BRIAN DAVIS I'm not the type of guy who enjoys one-night stands. It leaves me feeling very empty and cynical...
BEN AFFLECK The doctor is with her now. She was not feeling well after inspection this morning. She was a bit we...
OZREN MUELLER I'm not very good at science or math, even though I pretend. And I'm not very good at teachi...
RICK SMOLAN I'm telling you, it's so exciting playing out there because I'm playing well, you have t...
STEFAN EDBERG I'm not confused. I'm just well mixed.
ROBERT FROST I play golf just about every week. I'm playing on the Senior Tour now - super seniors - I'm ...
CHARLIE SIFFORD If I'm writing something and I'm not feeling mischievous, then I know it's not going to ...
ELIZABETH MERIWETHER I'm almost completely without family and it's a very odd feeling in life. I have no children...
WALTER MOSLEY I love playing 'Radagast.' He's my new love, you know what I mean? I'm not divorcing...
SYLVESTER MCCOY I can say, 'Well, I'm a male. I'm a male human. I'm a medical doctor. I'm an aut...
DON MIGUEL RUIZ It was a very tough region, very tough competition and a very good golf course.
ALAN BLACK I guess I'm a good manager now. Moreover, I'm loving the concept of donning the producer'...
MALAIKA ARORA KHAN Of course, of course I'm grateful. How can I not be grateful? I have been afforded such a wonder...
KATHERINE HEIGL Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you
GROUCHO MARX I feel like if I'm sick, I need flowers. I'm very open about saying what I need from a partn...
SAMAIRE ARMSTRONG I'm shy. I'm not sociable. I'm very insecure.
TONY LEUNG CHIU-WAI A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age....
TOMMY COOPER I am a Marxist... of the Groucho tendency.
SOURCE UNKNOWN I am a Marxist--of the Groucho tendency.
ANONYMOUS Naturally, my stories are about women - I'm a woman. I don't know what the term is for men w...
ALICE MUNRO The golf course is in absolutely superb condition. It was there for the offering this morning. It's ...
GRAHAM MARSH I think I've heard somebody say that I was a well-dressed golfer. I guess that has something to ...
ARNOLD PALMER
More Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club
that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead
or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX