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I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.


Jon Stewart

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I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have ...
JON STEWART The first time I met Jon Stewart was at the press conference that Comedy Central held to announce Jo...
STEPHEN COLBERT I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I'm a late-night talk show host,...
CRAIG FERGUSON Don't ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don't want to be one.
CRAIG FERGUSON If we're talking fantasy, I would love to host a late night talk show... More Fallon than Leno. ...
AARON SANCHEZ If I ever had to be on an amusement park ride, I probably wouldn't get on one; I'm not a ver...
TAMMIN SURSOK I'm a late-night host that doesn't want to be tied down by time or television or even hostin...
CHELSEA HANDLER The universe is a gigantic amusement park in which we can have a ride or two.
STEFAN EMUNDS I wouldn't want to be a talk show host. That's another awkward compliment people make. '...
ANDY RICHTER If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politic...
CRAIG FERGUSON I've actually taken meetings about hosting a late-night talk show. I don't know that what we...
RETTA I call myself the Amusement Park. That's because I'm funny and scary at the same time.
TERRY CREWS I don't think I would do a straight late-night talk show, like a 'Tonight Show' kind of ...
ERIC ANDRE I'm the only talk show host, I think, if there's such a category in, what's called, the ...
DICK CAVETT It's kinda me and Jon Stewart have a pact together - so he's making me famous in the Western...
BASSEM YOUSSEF A contra dance is like an amusement park ride we make for ourselves.
GARY SHAPIRO 'Donny and Marie' was a great experience. I tried so hard to be a great talk show host but i...
DONNY OSMOND 'Old School' is so breezy it could be a late-night talk show, especially when Craig Kilborn,...
ELVIS MITCHELL I used to be six foot four. Now that I'm old, I slouch. So, I'm six foot three.
JACK PALANCE I'm a slave to the culture, so I see an Audi, a Denali, or an Escalade, my neighbor got the four...
PATRICE O'NEAL On 'Late Night,' it's like we're all in on the joke. That's what I wanted it to ...
JIMMY FALLON Are you taking us to the beach?" - Dan Cahill
JUDE WATSON I'm a terrible interviewer. I'm not a journalist - although I have a Peabody Award - and I&#...
CRAIG FERGUSON It's never too late - never too late to start over, never too late to be happy.
JANE FONDA To me, watching a movie is like going to an amusement park. My worst fear is making a film that peop...
DARREN ARONOFSKY I tweet early in the morning when I wake up or late at night just to let you know that I have a show...
TYLER, THE CREATOR I did a live late-night talk show called 'Creation Nation' with friends of mine. I had a sid...
BILLY EICHNER I'd say Jon Stewart has remained funny the entire time. Jon always makes it funny first. And he&...
NORM MACDONALD The genre of science fiction is a fun house, an amusement park ride, but it's also a problem. Th...
DOUGLAS LAIN I have to tell you I enjoy Jon Stewart. That's the truth. I actually think he's very funny. ...
MEGYN KELLY The old movie stars like Bogart, James Cagney, Jimmy Stewart, they weren't this gorgeous, striki...
JACK HUSTON From early morning to late at night, it's such an interesting life, and I'm healthy and free...
OLAV THON Do I have the courage of being a ruthless man to myself with the complete knowledge on my manner or ...
FEREIDOON YAZDI It looks ancient," - Amy Cahill
JUDE WATSON I'm proud to be Martha Stewart's daughter.
ALEXIS STEWART There was absolutely no footing I don't know how you could come off the ball or cut. It was like som...
JOHN CALLAHAN your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.
ANTHONY BOURDAIN I'm literally driving in the middle of the night, and my phone rings, and my manager says, '...
TREVOR NOAH I'm in this really cool place in my career, where the stage I'm on that night, whether it...
CHARLIE WORSHAM I've turned from an ordinary Australian housewife into a gigastar, icon, talk-show host, swami, ...
BARRY HUMPHRIES I'm just like James Stewart, because I never studied to be an actor.
CHRIS BURKE From age 16 to age 20, a woman's body is a temple. From 21 to 45, it's an amusement park. Fr...
GINA BARRECA This is real human drama, we're not creating some amusement park ride for the summer. Even thoug...
JOHN C. REILLY It SMELLS ancient," - Dan Cahill
JUDE WATSON Palm trees were fanned by a warm, light breeze, and they rolled down their windows to smell the sea.
JUDE WATSON For years, I have been criticized for supporting the military because I have no military experience....
MIKE GALLAGHER I'm a fan of meeting readers face to face, at reader events, where we're able to sit down an...
SUZANNE BROCKMANN All the great game show hosts have a signature 'look,' from Bob Barker's year-round Braz...
KURT BRAUNOHLER I don't want to peak too early. The worry is that you never know until it's all over whether...
TOM COURTENAY It's too late for me to get married before I'm famous. You never know people's intention...
CARMELO ANTHONY I have an urge to communicate. I think I'm a change from what it would be like dating a normal g...
DRAKE I meet many people, I talk with them, like a TV show host. I show what's going on with Greenpeac...
NINA HAGEN I don't think I'm a good host. I'm not a good host. I'm terrible at hosting. That...
CHELSEA HANDLER I'm self-deprecating, but I'm an artist, too. I have to write new songs to chronicle stuff f...
STEVE FORBERT I'm not a wine connoisseur, but I do like a glass or two at night.
DIANE KEATON My mother's five-foot-two, and I'll be honest with you - she's the only person I'm s...
KIEFER SUTHERLAND To be honest, I've always been really interested in the role of the host, whether it's our k...
ANDY BIERSACK I'm six foot four and a half and I have a temper. It's reserved for very important issues. I...
TIM ROBBINS For me, MMA is like speed chess. It's like I'm herding a person into a certain position. Say...
RONDA ROUSEY I'm like an old vampire, so it's important to talk to young people.
MANOLO BLAHNIK It's not listed in the Bible, but my spiritual gift, my specific calling from God, is to be a te...
JIM BAKKER I'm on the Internet a lot more than I watch TV and most everybody I know is, and yet if you watc...
ANDY MILONAKIS Every time I do a talk show or something, I'll be like, 'I'm doing 'Chandelier,'...
MADDIE ZIEGLER When did Jimmy Stewart not play Jimmy Stewart? When did John Wayne not play John Wayne? But that'...
JOHN MELLENCAMP I watch Jon Stewart because I need to laugh. Otherwise, life gets too serious. Besides that, I don&#...
BRUCE LIPTON There are times as an actor when you don't work for two months, sometimes three or sometimes six...
OLESYA RULIN I characterize myself a little bit as a reluctant filmmaker. I learned from watching my friend in co...
TANANARIVE DUE What keeps me up at night? Waking up to a scoop at another newspaper or on TV. I'm probably comp...
ANDREW ROSS SORKIN I will make up a crush, you hear me?! I will look at a guy and say, for two months at least, 'I ...
ESTER DEAN I know Mother named me after a railroad man, but it's too late now, I'm afraid. Much, much t...
HOAGY CARMICHAEL I really like playing other people. There is no other feeling like it, to have a different voice com...
CRISTIN MILIOTI I'm always looking to the next thing. There are always hurdles, whether it's the White House...
JIMMY KIMMEL I'm over the word 'like' in conversation, and 'you know' seems to be the placeho...
KARIN SLAUGHTER I guess you'd say I'm a gearhead. It's not just guitars; I have five or six drum sets, a...
DARON MALAKIAN I will be the first to admit that getting votes and getting an audience are two different things. Fo...
RUSH LIMBAUGH As a hockey player, playing for an Original Six team at Madison Square Garden, where it's packed...
CARL HAGELIN David Letterman is the best late-night talk show host right now, hands down, and has been since he f...
GEORGE LOPEZ I don't think I'd be a very good talk show host. I mean, I'm very talkative but I don...
EMMA ROBERTS Yeah I'm thirty-six, but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year...
ELLEN DEGENERES I was told I would never make it because I'm too short. Well, I'm still too short. It doesn&...
KIRBY PUCKETT I think if you give in and accept society's stereotypes, then you start thinking, 'I cannot ...
YOKO ONO Riding uses so many different muscles. I ride two to three horses a day, and I ride almost every day...
CHARLOTTE CASIRAGHI There's a lot of women out there, some of whom are my age who've never been married and some...
NIECY NASH Man, I'm 6 foot 8. I'm gonna be typecast. It's not like I'm gonna be the romantic le...
TYLER MANE I'm up all night, and then next thing you know, it's the morning, and I'll sleep, like, ...
CHRISTINA MILIAN I'm not a late-night person. After 10 P.M., I'm falling asleep. If I'm out at that time,...
BLAKE MYCOSKIE The problem is, I don't think I've got too much to offer at the minute. I'm busy working...
ROBBIE WILLIAMS I eat a light but sustaining dinner before the show: a bunch of greens and some non-gluten quinoa or...
PHILLIPA SOO There's no job like 'SNL.' There's no other job you go to where you're like, ...
TARAN KILLAM I don't really have guilty pleasures. I like what I like, and I don't worry too much about w...
ANN LECKIE I said, I'm on this TV show and I love doing it, but I don't want to be known always as the ...
ZACH BRAFF If I sit down with an electric guitar, what's going to come out are Sabbath/Zeppelin type riffs,...
ZAKK WYLDE To be, or not to be, that is the question.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE I've been doing a late-night talk show out here in New Mexico now, 'The After After Party.&#...
STEVEN MICHAEL QUEZADA You're absolutely right: Bob Grant is a racist, Bob Grant is a bigot, he's a despicable talk...
ALAN DERSHOWITZ I would also like to act, once in a while, but not get up every morning at 5:30 or six o'clock a...
JACKIE COOPER I feel my shows are like a late-night talk show that we settle down and do every night.
JOHN MAYER The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Presents America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction...
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HALEY JOEL OSMENT I'm like this wiry freak they pulled out of a bar two months ago and said, 'Let's throw ...
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JON KRAKAUER Happiness [is] only real when shared
JON KRAKAUER It's not always necessary to be strong, but to feel strong.
JON KRAKAUER You can lay down and die, or you can get up and fight, but that's it -- there's no turning back.
JON ENGLISH Yeah, that's the ticket.
JON LOVITZ I can't read lips unless they're touching mine.
JON TROAST James Taylor may be an all-American boy but he isn't Horatio Alger, and the lionizing of many ro...
JON LANDAU Words without deeds is an affront to the principle that guides our Nation and makes a mockery of the...
JON CORZINE Some people think we're adrift without any guidelines. I don't. I think we've had instru...
JON VOIGHT I would still rather be in Silicon Alley. I like the West Coast also, but it's sort of fragmente...
JON ORINGER I am a huge admirer of Franklin Roosevelt's, and I believe social security has done untold good ...
JON MEACHAM Among the many problems with taking the Bible literally is it reduces the most mysterious and comple...
JON MEACHAM Goats are the cable talk show panelists of the animal world, ready at a moment's notice to inter...
JON KATZ One wonders whether the Obama re-election campaign may be on the right track as it seeks to apply th...
JON MEACHAM 'Sing It Again Rod' touches all the solo bases since Stewart's departure from the Jeff B...
JON LANDAU I like hearing fiddles, steel guitar, acoustics up loud - really rock & roll stuff but with a co...
JON PARDI If a person is homosexual by nature - that is, if one's sexuality is as intrinsic a part of one&...
JON MEACHAM If I were in a situation where I had to meet a pack of wolves and my family is with me, I'm goin...
JON SEDA I like San Francisco, but I don't think I'd want to work in Palo Alto. It seems like a prett...
JON ORINGER When I went to Everest, I underestimated things. I just didn't know what altitude could do. Or t...
JON KRAKAUER With tens of thousands of patients dying every year from preventable medical errors, it is imperativ...
JON PORTER Some people say that their pets will tell them when it's time to go. I don't believe that. N...
JON KATZ A border collie named Orson inspired me to buy a 110-acre farm with four barns and a sheep. That led...
JON KATZ If you're going to love animals and have a life with them, the odds are you're going to lose...
JON KATZ Some rescue groups are highly organized, experienced, well-funded, nearly professional. Others are s...
JON KATZ It's easy to see why dog rescue is a mushrooming culture. Turning a troubled person's life a...
JON KATZ Lifetime dogs intersect with our lives with particular impact; they're dogs we love in especiall...
JON KATZ