I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorists use, such as exaggeration.

There's always going to be controversy when you write the way I write.

To be honest, I used to always procrastinate when I write. I mean, I love writing, but I hate it.

I write very slowly.

I don't use a pen. I write with a goose quill dipped in venom.

I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone.