I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it.

In my experience , big words ornament bad news.

My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.

Bad news isn't wine. It doesn't improve with age.

The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig.

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind.