I've never been one to look up the ladder. I've always looked down the ladder. As long as there's one guy down there, I'm fine.

I was always a funny guy. I don't think anybody that makes it to this level of stand-up wasn't a funny guy when they were young.

If you look at the common denominator of all the comics who have had big success, it's being true to their nature... that's what takes a long time to learn.

The last time she was up here, she had been... staring up at the sky and dreaming of stars. Now, she looked down and plotted flames.

My life has been wild enough to derive all of the stories you need out of it. I've been through many, many years of behavioral problems, so I don't really look outside for stories.

My biggest pet peeve, I guess, is other comedians criticizing Larry the Cable Guy.