I'd always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.

For years I thought the club's name was Partick Thistle Nil.

I don't understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I'm amazed what people come up with when they look at them. There's one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.

I¹m much bigger in Britain than I am there. I'm well-known, but my name's That Guy in America. . . . People shout: "Hey ­ I know you! You're That Guy."

What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find?

I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered.