I’d rather straighten my pubes with a flat iron than go on another blind date.

Dating meant nightclubs, heels, and black. It meant, "No, thank you. Really, I'm full." It meant matching bras and underwear. Clothes with the word MICRO used to describe them.

My handling of the situation with Jake proved that I was the same girl from eight years ago. I'd just gained a stone and lost my love for Shayne Ward.

I can't forget things, or ignore them-bad things that happen," I said. "I'm a lay-it-all-out person, a dwell-on-it person, an obsess-about-it person. If I hold things in and try to forget or pretend, I become a madman and have panic attacks. I have to talk.

Ok. don't panic. Don't panic. It's only a VISA bill. It's a piece of paper; a few numbers. I mean, just how scary can a few numbers be?

I told him your loins were clearly burning, and he should man up and make a move."
"You did not!"
"I did. And if he doesn't, then I suggest you jump his bones."
...
I finally register what he's wearing. It's a handsome skinny black suit with a shiny sheen. The pants are too short - on purpose, of course - exposing his usual pointy shoes and a pair of blue socks that match my dress exactly.
And I totally want to jump him.