If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises the baby makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'

The past can haunt you, but so can ghosts. The future can be unpredictable, but so can the stock market. So the lesson is, don't worry about ghosts and the stock market and you will be fine.