If I could play the ukulele like Zooey Deschanel, I would find my own personal M. Ward, and we would do a side album; but I don't, you know?

People send you stuff if you say you're interested in something. I have a tonne of body lotion. So I could mention I was interested in, you know, surfing, and some company would send me a surfboard.

I began the process of recording myself seriously in the fall of 1999. If I could finish an album of my own music, I would. Five years later I am happy to say I have.

If I could live in a cabaret, I would. If I could live in 'Moulin Rouge,' I would.

I like to play by my own rules.

If I could rap, that would be a sensation, but I can't, you see, I'm just a Caucasian.