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If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.


Woody Allen

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If Jesus came back today, and saw what was going on in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.
MAX VON SYDOW I think Woody Allen is Woody Allen, and no matter where he goes he still makes his Woody Allen films...
ABBAS KIAROSTAMI If Woody Allen were a Muslim, he'd be dead by now.
SALMAN RUSHDIE Woody Allen has done some excellent serious movies, too, like Crimes And Misdemeanors. Very overlook...
DAVID ZUCKER But in this case, he had my cell phone and my phone was ringing and I had just come back from Austra...
RADHA MITCHELL Who are you, Woody Allen?
JOY BEHAR We'll seek to speak over the heads of the Pope to Catholics in the pews to urge them to take into co...
HARRY KNOX My influences were Woody Allen and Lenny Bruce.
DAVID STEINBERG Woody Allen is a great dramatist and a great comedian.
CATE BLANCHETT It was kind of scary because working with Woody Allen becomes sort of a big deal in your mind. He di...
RADHA MITCHELL Woody Allen movies are like Beatles songs. I can't name my favorite without you immediately nami...
COLIN TREVORROW If Woody Allen called me, I'd be there straight away. Who wouldn't? Truly.
JULIE DELPY If Woody Allen were a Muslim, he'd be dead by now.
SALMAN RUSHDIE I think Allen is remarkable to watch. I can't get over how he keeps throwing his body into bigger gu...
BOB COUSY Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It'...
DAVID LETTERMAN I'm a writer and director, and the movie I've seen a million times is 'Stardust Memories...
ROMAN COPPOLA They would yell everything you saw in the movie and then they'd look back at Woody and go, 'Yeah, Wo...
CHARLIZE THERON If you have no faith in yourself, then have faith in the things you call truth. You know what must b...
PATRICIA A. MCKILLIP After working with Woody Allen, sharing screen space with De Niro was a dream come true.
ANUPAM KHER I'm a big fan of 'Woody Allen' movies, so I like all the actresses in his movies like &#...
EMILY PERKINS I hate Woody Allen physically, I dislike that kind of man.
ORSON WELLES A customer who often comes to my restaurant and always enchants me for his simplicity, shyness and s...
ARRIGO CIPRIANI My early prose style - this is so embarrassing - was sort of a suburban, Presbyterian knockoff of Wo...
JOHN HUGHES I think there are a few people out there who could have testified at my trial, ... I think they saw ...
MICHAEL WOLFE I grew up with Woody Allen and early Spike Lee movies in which New York was such a specific characte...
JONATHAN LEVINE I definitely have a little Woody Allen inside of me. That is true.
AUTRE NE VEUT Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's a...
DAVID LETTERMAN I'm a huge Woody Allen fan. Good movie, bad movie, it doesn't matter - I just like his movie...
SEAN PENN Let us consider the glorious Saint Paul: it seems that no other name fell from his lips than that of...
SAINT TERESA OF AVILA The reason I do what I do is because I was influenced by Steve Martin, by Woody Allen, by Bob Newhar...
ELLEN DEGENERES I took an acting class with Louise Lasser, Woody Allen's first wife and co-star in many movies. ...
GARY SHTEYNGART I would love to have a long and serious conversation with the Pope. And Woody Allen, whom I have nev...
CHARLIE ROSE I could feel the baby being torn from my insides. It was really painful....Three-quarters of the way...
RANDY ALCORN Jesus saw a man use his hand to cup water from a stream and Jesus threw away his cup. Jesus saw a w...
DANIEL DELEANU Liz, obviously, came out and shot the ball very well. I thought Westbrook did fine. Nobody could sto...
DON BUGBEE There was no discussion. It never came up. We hardly ever saw a black person.
BILL MYERS I don't think his name even came up.
BARRY SCHECK ...I might mention my belief that girls who like Woody Allen movies are nicer girls than girls who d...
ADAM LEVIN Woody Allen movies notwithstanding, therapy, in the early eighties, was not exactly a hot conversati...
DAN HILL No matter what came up we never did stop. It's hard work that keep us here.
CHARLES LEBLANC I prefer to live in the country where it's quiet. Woody Allen movies there are dubbed into Itali...
PATRICIA HIGHSMITH Well, obviously I was excited by the idea that Woody Allen was going to direct it. But at the same t...
RADHA MITCHELL Working with Woody Allen is like filming Howard Hughes's will. It's a very mysterious and st...
MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE Jesus is the perfect name!
He who put away his fame!
And persecuted in shame!
That yo...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR But nothing beats a Woody Allen film on a Sunday night, with a glass of wine and some leftovers.
KATE FLEETWOOD We knew it was going to be a long couple of days. It's hard to concentrate that long. I was really p...
RICK HARDISON We saw the plane fly by, ... It came around usand went behind the ridge, and then we saw smoke and n...
BRIAN PARKER Woody wasn't throwing at him. But, quite frankly, Doug did what he had to do to keep things from esc...
BUDDY BELL Woody Allen's movies are so much a part of me. I grew up watching them over and over and would r...
NOAH BAUMBACH [For an actor who was then living in New York, Daniels said, working on a Woody Allen movie was some...
JEFF DANIELS Probably the only way Woody Allen and I are similar is that he has a lot to say about Nietzsche.
T. J. MILLER His truck was all shot at. He saw his friend being dragged out and being stoned first. And the guy i...
JOANNE BRADSHAW This was not his best distance, but he was trying hard the whole way. … He galloped out real strong...
EDGAR PRADO It doesn't matter if people are playing jazz or writing poetry -- if they want to be successful, the...
JONAH LEHRER We saw the plane fly by, ... It came around us
and went behind the ridge, and then we saw smoke ...
BRIAN PARKER For years I played the what-if game. Maybe you're acquainted with this pastime. The rules are simple...
CRAIG GROESCHEL Little evil would be done in the world if evil never could be done in the name of good.
MARIE VON EBNER-ESCHENBACH First off, I love Woody Allen. His early movies, like 'Hannah and Her Sisters,' are incredib...
TIM STORY The only thing I really recommend, if you're starting out in stand-up is to not try to copy anyb...
ELLEN DEGENERES You know, the kind who know Jesus by His first name, but out of politeness never use it even to His ...
TONI MORRISON Woody Allen said that 95% of history is explained as a man trying to impress a woman. And that's...
MITT ROMNEY I don't know if you have ever seen the Woody Allen film 'Annie Hall,' but it is, in a wa...
HENRY ROLLINS I was also a big Woody Allen fan. When I got into college I listened to Lenny Bruce but it's tak...
MARC MARON There was a time six weeks ago when his name (Burres) came up when we were starving for arms.
FELIPE ALOU Popular music formed the soundtrack of my life.
MARTIN SCORSESE His purpose was to get done what needed to be done, and what needed to be done was simple, if not ea...
LARRY MCMURTRY New York in a way functions as another character within the story, as it does within most of Woody A...
RADHA MITCHELL When we first came in we looked up and saw how huge it was and everybody was in awe.
EMILY ROSE You'll never get anywhere if you go about what-iffing like that.
ROALD DAHL Being free in Jesus is a luxury. If you really desire to be free in Jesus, you’re going to have to...
GODISNOW1'S Then Jesus turned, and saw them following, and saith unto them, What seek ye? They said unto him, Ra...
BIBLE We had one guy who came in, a lefty, ... I can't think of his last name. I think I called him Bill a...
CHARLIE MANUEL It was by faith, nothing wavering, that Joseph saw God our Eternal Father and Jesus Christ, His Son.
THOMAS S. MONSON It wasn't going to be that easy. I saw the referee waving his hands over his head (to stop the clock...
BOB MORTON If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
BILLY CONNOLLY Life is never all one thing. It bounces around. Certainly, my own life has. Look at Woody Allen'...
TIM O'BRIEN Jesus was never indifferent to the issues of the people in His day.
SUNDAY ADELAJA He died that day because his body had served its purpose. His soul had done what it came to do, lear...
GARTH STEIN I was all done. I was so aggravated by what we saw last year, I said that's it, we're not going back...
CHRIS BABY In New York, you've got Donald Trump, Woody Allen, a crack addict and a regular Joe, and they...
ETHAN HAWKE I'm a huge Bob Hope fan, up until about the late '50s. I've seen so many of his movies u...
SCOTT AUKERMAN I was in Woody Allen's Stardust Memories in 1980. It was only a bit part and I didn't get to...
SHARON STONE And if we don't have a test, what we may end up doing is going back to what this country has don...
ROBERT STERNBERG Almighty God thy will be done in my life as it is in Heaven, in Jesus Christ name. Amen.
LAILAH GIFTY AKITA I saw blood on the back of his heel when he came back from his gallop. It's fairly minor, just at a ...
RICHARD MANDELLA His name was Humberto, and now you're just being petty.
RAE CARSON He always hated that hed never be able to donate blood for someone else,
ANGELA ADAMS You can tell the state of civilization by the way people dress. If the people who fought two World W...
DAPHNE GUINNESS Just as Christian came up to the Cross, his burden loosed from off his shoulders, fell from off his ...
JOHN BUNYAN And afterward came out his brother, that had the scarlet thread upon his hand: and his name was call...
BIBLE Barbra Streisand has always been an inspiration for me. I admire Jennifer Lopez because she's be...
LAUREN LONDON As they were walking, a beggar came up, holding his hand out and crying, "Baksheesh! Baksheesh!"
JEFFREY EUGENIDES I can still see him lying in the back seat of the car. I called his name but he never looked up. He ...
ASTON TEAL Growing up, my two favorite books were Woody Allen's 'Side Effects' and Phyllis Diller&#...
JILL DAVIS You probably can't name more than a handful of comedies that would qualify for Best Picture. I c...
HAROLD RAMIS You never know what's going to happen in that situation; if they're going to pack it up and quit. It...
CHRIS GIVENS It was really obvious what went on to the players and managers. I hope what is being done will stop ...
FELIPE ALOU You would think over the course of a winter -- actually three winters, two winters -- that guys woul...
DUSTY BAKER They are struggling a little in the big leagues and they are trying to get guys to the higher level ...
BOB STANLEY Never stop dreaming, never stop believing, never give up, never stop trying, and never stop learning...
ROY BENNETT

More Woody Allen

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
WOODY ALLEN Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and pot...
WOODY ALLEN I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
WOODY ALLEN If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very in...
WOODY ALLEN What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car...
WOODY ALLEN What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
WOODY ALLEN There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman...
WOODY ALLEN God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. . . I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
WOODY ALLEN The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to m...
WOODY ALLEN There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and w...
WOODY ALLEN Sex is nature's way of saying 'Hi!'
WOODY ALLEN Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any
WOODY ALLEN sex is simple, love stings afterwards.
WOODY ALLEN If it wasn't for dogs, some people would never go for a walk.
WOODY ALLEN I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
WOODY ALLEN Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
WOODY ALLEN Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
WOODY ALLEN I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
WOODY ALLEN Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
WOODY ALLEN What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jum...
WOODY ALLEN You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?
WOODY ALLEN You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
WOODY ALLEN It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
WOODY ALLEN The decision to decide is a decision in itself.
WOODY ALLEN One small decision can change your life! That's why I always let someone else make my decisions, tha...
WOODY ALLEN Growing up is amazing, until you get old!
WOODY ALLEN All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white...
WOODY ALLEN If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
WOODY ALLEN I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.
WOODY ALLEN Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.
WOODY ALLEN The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.
WOODY ALLEN I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
WOODY ALLEN I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.
WOODY ALLEN In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Th...
WOODY ALLEN Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
WOODY ALLEN A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
WOODY ALLEN Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that y...
WOODY ALLEN Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -...
WOODY ALLEN If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
WOODY ALLEN In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and...
WOODY ALLEN My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else.
WOODY ALLEN Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
WOODY ALLEN It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic.
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked...
WOODY ALLEN For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermu...
WOODY ALLEN Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.
WOODY ALLEN The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep..
WOODY ALLEN Marriage is the death of hope.
WOODY ALLEN Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
WOODY ALLEN I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I...
WOODY ALLEN I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN I am at two with nature.
WOODY ALLEN Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
WOODY ALLEN If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
WOODY ALLEN I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.
WOODY ALLEN I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
WOODY ALLEN It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the ba...
WOODY ALLEN I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead.
WOODY ALLEN In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
WOODY ALLEN If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
WOODY ALLEN Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to ...
WOODY ALLEN More than at any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and ut...
WOODY ALLEN A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. An...
WOODY ALLEN Eighty percent of success is showing up.
WOODY ALLEN What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy...
WOODY ALLEN I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
WOODY ALLEN Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
WOODY ALLEN Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exc...
WOODY ALLEN A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
WOODY ALLEN It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is ...
WOODY ALLEN I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
WOODY ALLEN I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me
WOODY ALLEN To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. ...
WOODY ALLEN Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
WOODY ALLEN Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex an...
WOODY ALLEN What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.
WOODY ALLEN How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans.
WOODY ALLEN Innovation is the ability to see change as an opportunity - not a threat
WOODY ALLEN Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.
WOODY ALLEN Eternity is really long, especially near the end
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
WOODY ALLEN Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
WOODY ALLEN If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take tw...
WOODY ALLEN Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions
WOODY ALLEN A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight ...
WOODY ALLEN The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.
WOODY ALLEN The best way to find your perfect match is to meet love halfway.
WOODY ALLEN There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem t...
WOODY ALLEN Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on offi...
WOODY ALLEN To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
WOODY ALLEN Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they f...
WOODY ALLEN Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
WOODY ALLEN Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
WOODY ALLEN I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
WOODY ALLEN It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad o...
WOODY ALLEN Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
WOODY ALLEN Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful, and multiply'. But not in t...
WOODY ALLEN Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
WOODY ALLEN To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
WOODY ALLEN I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to fin...
WOODY ALLEN I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
WOODY ALLEN He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
WOODY ALLEN Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty da...
WOODY ALLEN Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boa...
WOODY ALLEN As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure ou...
WOODY ALLEN In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
WOODY ALLEN The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't h...
WOODY ALLEN I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
WOODY ALLEN I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
WOODY ALLEN I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
WOODY ALLEN Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
WOODY ALLEN My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make fi...
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the bo...
WOODY ALLEN It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife
WOODY ALLEN If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job
WOODY ALLEN It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
WOODY ALLEN Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence, so why bother shaving?
WOODY ALLEN Whosover loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.
WOODY ALLEN The wicked at heart probably know something.
WOODY ALLEN My Lord, my Lord! What hast Thou done, lately?
WOODY ALLEN Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
WOODY ALLEN If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job.
WOODY ALLEN Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
WOODY ALLEN I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead- not sick, not wounded - dead.
WOODY ALLEN For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath ...
WOODY ALLEN We were married by a reformed rabbi in Long Island. A very reformed rabbi. A Nazi.
WOODY ALLEN The only difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to m...
WOODY ALLEN Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
WOODY ALLEN My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
WOODY ALLEN It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat...
WOODY ALLEN It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
WOODY ALLEN Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought--...
WOODY ALLEN If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
WOODY ALLEN If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say ab...
WOODY ALLEN I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way aroun...
WOODY ALLEN I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
WOODY ALLEN I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
WOODY ALLEN I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
WOODY ALLEN How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
WOODY ALLEN How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typ...
WOODY ALLEN His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
WOODY ALLEN Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
WOODY ALLEN As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to g...
WOODY ALLEN Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be ther...
WOODY ALLEN More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter...
WOODY ALLEN You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundre...
WOODY ALLEN Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
WOODY ALLEN When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
WOODY ALLEN Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverag...
WOODY ALLEN The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get y...
WOODY ALLEN Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
WOODY ALLEN On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
WOODY ALLEN Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
WOODY ALLEN My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
WOODY ALLEN Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
WOODY ALLEN Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
WOODY ALLEN A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
WOODY ALLEN Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declare...
WOODY ALLEN The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.
WOODY ALLEN Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
WOODY ALLEN I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants
WOODY ALLEN I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
WOODY ALLEN Everytime I hear Wagner I feel like invading Poland.
WOODY ALLEN She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could ca...
WOODY ALLEN My brain? That´s my second favourite organ.
WOODY ALLEN I think any boycott is wrong, ... Boycotts were exactly what the Germans were doing against the Jews...
WOODY ALLEN Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you ca...
WOODY ALLEN Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
WOODY ALLEN As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to ge...
WOODY ALLEN Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
WOODY ALLEN There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says...
WOODY ALLEN I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horr...
WOODY ALLEN I like the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life.
WOODY ALLEN It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones
slept better, [Cloquet...
WOODY ALLEN Subjectivity is objective.
WOODY ALLEN The most expensive sex is free sex
WOODY ALLEN These modern analysts! They charge so much. In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you....
WOODY ALLEN It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blow...
WOODY ALLEN We laughed over it, and Hemingway punched me in the mouth.
WOODY ALLEN I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
WOODY ALLEN Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.
WOODY ALLEN You will notice that what we are aiming at when we fall in love is a very strange paradox. The parad...
WOODY ALLEN This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother’s crazy. He thinks he’s a chicken. The...
WOODY ALLEN The heart wants what it wants.
WOODY ALLEN We're all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions, moral choices. Some are on a grand sc...
WOODY ALLEN Chapter 1.
He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion...no, make t...
WOODY ALLEN My brain? That's my second favorite organ.
WOODY ALLEN