If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.


Woody Allen

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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
WOODY ALLEN
Believing would be easier if God would show himself by depositing a million dollars in a Swiss bank ...
WOODY ALLEN
Woody Allen movies are like Beatles songs. I can't name my favorite without you immediately nami...
COLIN TREVORROW
I think Woody Allen is Woody Allen, and no matter where he goes he still makes his Woody Allen films...
ABBAS KIAROSTAMI
If Woody Allen called me, I'd be there straight away. Who wouldn't? Truly.
JULIE DELPY
It was kind of scary because working with Woody Allen becomes sort of a big deal in your mind. He di...
RADHA MITCHELL
If Woody Allen were a Muslim, he'd be dead by now.
SALMAN RUSHDIE
In life there are no winners, only assholes with Swiss Bank Accounts.
MATTHEW LOTTI
My influences were Woody Allen and Lenny Bruce.
DAVID STEINBERG
I definitely have a little Woody Allen inside of me. That is true.
AUTRE NE VEUT
I've never had a bank account in Switzerland since 1984. Why would the Swiss do this to me? Mayb...
BENAZIR BHUTTO
She was intimidating and all I could do was sit back on the couch as she paced back and forth, slowl...
IN THE MAKING
If Woody Allen were a Muslim, he'd be dead by now.
SALMAN RUSHDIE
A bank robber in Los Angeles told the clerk not to give him cash, but to deposit the money in his ch...
BILL BRYSON
But nothing beats a Woody Allen film on a Sunday night, with a glass of wine and some leftovers.
KATE FLEETWOOD
Woody Allen is a great dramatist and a great comedian.
CATE BLANCHETT
Who are you, Woody Allen?
JOY BEHAR
Imagine life as a game, a game that is filled with obstacles and hazards to overcome but sometimes y...
GARY F EVANS...
One's ideas must be as broad as Nature if they are to interpret Nature
ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE
...I might mention my belief that girls who like Woody Allen movies are nicer girls than girls who d...
ADAM LEVIN
A customer who often comes to my restaurant and always enchants me for his simplicity, shyness and s...
ARRIGO CIPRIANI
Woody Allen said that 95% of history is explained as a man trying to impress a woman. And that's...
MITT ROMNEY
I'm a writer and director, and the movie I've seen a million times is 'Stardust Memories...
ROMAN COPPOLA
Probably the only way Woody Allen and I are similar is that he has a lot to say about Nietzsche.
T. J. MILLER
Never give up on you. In order to make a difference you would have to somehow be different.
JOHNNIE DENT JR.
My early prose style - this is so embarrassing - was sort of a suburban, Presbyterian knockoff of Wo...
JOHN HUGHES
I'm a big fan of 'Woody Allen' movies, so I like all the actresses in his movies like &#...
EMILY PERKINS
2010 Bank holidays are the most important public holidays and are observed across the different coun...
RAHUL KUMAR
We each have a special something we can get only at a special time of our life. like a small flame. ...
HARUKI MURAKAMI
Allie, what do the Stars tell me to do? You know I don't understand the scientific part.
ROBERT A. HEINLEIN
The capacity of humans to believe in what seems to me highly improbable- from table tapping to the s...
ROBERT A. HEINLEIN
It is strange being in a crowd where no one knows your face or cares for your purpose. In Lykos, I w...
PIERCE BROWN
Woody Allen has done some excellent serious movies, too, like Crimes And Misdemeanors. Very overlook...
DAVID ZUCKER
I would like to continue making music and acting in projects that give me a lot of satisfaction.
ALICIA MACHADO
Learn to appreciate every moment of your life, stop thinking of the future too much, you have a choi...
AULIQ ICE
If women had better access to the financial system - even so much as a basic deposit account at a ba...
SRI MULYANI INDRAWATI
The only nation I've ever been tempted to feel really racist about are the Swiss - a whole country o...
JONATHAN RABAN
So why sign your name in blood for more? It seemed like a sensible arrangement for me. I didn't ...
DAVID KNOPFLER
I'm a huge Woody Allen fan. Good movie, bad movie, it doesn't matter - I just like his movie...
SEAN PENN
Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It'...
DAVID LETTERMAN
The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH
That God is in truth the sort of bloodthirsty paranoid Who would rend to bits forty-two children for...
ROBERT A. HEINLEIN
Woody Allen's movies are so much a part of me. I grew up watching them over and over and would r...
NOAH BAUMBACH
My parents shared not only an improbable love, they shared an abiding faith in the possibilities of ...
BARACK OBAMA
I hate Woody Allen physically, I dislike that kind of man.
ORSON WELLES
Woody Allen is really the ultimate. I love that he believed in himself enough to do what he did. And...
MINDY KALING
New York in a way functions as another character within the story, as it does within most of Woody A...
RADHA MITCHELL
After working with Woody Allen, sharing screen space with De Niro was a dream come true.
ANUPAM KHER
Barbra Streisand has always been an inspiration for me. I admire Jennifer Lopez because she's be...
LAUREN LONDON
If we all took a minute to reflect upon the wrong we do we would be quite surprised or shocked.Inste...
GARY F EVANS...
...If only one had a little more time to do some important reading, all the secrets in the world wou...
LEMONY SNICKET
I'm such a big fan of Woody Allen. I once tried staying at the same hotel as him, hoping I would...
DEEPIKA PADUKONE
I don't know if they're really like everybody else, or if they're able to pretend they are.
MADELEINE L'ENGLE
Even Lot might have been mistaken. But that’s what he promised ‘em – his virgin daughters, you...
ROBERT A. HEINLEIN
God is the strength in which I trust." Lesson 47, A Course In Miracles
HELEN SCHUCMAN
You're full of contradictions, Ms. Wallace."
I looked up at him and arched a brow. "I'm a girl...
TAMMARA WEBBER
There isn't an hour of my life without you in it. I mend the boats, test them and all the while the ...
NICHOLAS SPARKS
Endeavour to get a good name,because if you do,you will be indirectly making life easier for your gr...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
Endeavor to get a good name,because if you do,you will be indirectly making life easier for your gre...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
A man who loves a bad name cares less about the future of his great grand children.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
If given an opportunity to head an establishment,resite this "A good name will last better for my fa...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
If you have inherited a bad name from your parent,edit it,by becoming good,but if you are lucky to h...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
Diamond & platinum are the obstacles that always stand in the way of a good name.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
Let us endeavor to have a good name,for in so doing we are sowing good seeds,that will one day be ha...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
A good name is a more bankable & valuable inheritance than diamond & platinum.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
A good name will open doors that diamond & platinum dare not.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
A good name can open ways for your great grand children.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
A good name is the only insurance we need against the monster called poverty.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
The best inheritance a man can leave for his children is not diamond & platinum,but a good name.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
All the riches in life are incomparable to a good name.
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
Even if other things remains unspoken in your life,a good name will continually speak for you, even ...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
The only way he could have her was to shatter this stubborn faith of hers. In doing so, would he sha...
FRANCINE RIVERS
[For an actor who was then living in New York, Daniels said, working on a Woody Allen movie was some...
JEFF DANIELS
I would love to have a long and serious conversation with the Pope. And Woody Allen, whom I have nev...
CHARLIE ROSE
The only rich person is a person who is rich in spirit. I have no money deposit. I have only beauty ...
IMELDA MARCOS
To do all that one is able to do, is to be a man; to do all that one would like to do, is to be a go...
NAPOLEON BONAPARTE
I prefer to live in the country where it's quiet. Woody Allen movies there are dubbed into Itali...
PATRICIA HIGHSMITH
If I provide for this life and turn away from the Lord, I am wise for a moment, but lost forever.
FRANCINE RIVERS
The only way he could have her was to shatter this stubborn faith of hers. In doing so, would he sha...
FRANCINE RIVERS
If love where to be a bank,it will be the bank with the lowest amount of money,because no one wants ...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.
MARY OLIVER
It's the curiosity that drives me. It's making a difference in the world that prevents me from ever ...
DEBORAH MEIER
Understand and be confident that each of us can make a difference by caring and acting in small as w...
MARIAN WRIGHT EDELMAN
You don’t have to know a lot of things for your life to make a lasting difference in the world. Bu...
JOHN PIPER
I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because...
EDWARD EVERETT HALE
If you think you are too small to make a difference, you have obviously never been in bed with a mos...
PETER STROPLE
Make a difference always and in all ways!
PETER STROPLE
In New York, you've got Donald Trump, Woody Allen, a crack addict and a regular Joe, and they...
ETHAN HAWKE
Woody Allen movies notwithstanding, therapy, in the early eighties, was not exactly a hot conversati...
DAN HILL
It'd be great to do some other TV. 'Breaking Bad' is definitely my home, but I'd lov...
BETSY BRANDT
I was in Woody Allen's Stardust Memories in 1980. It was only a bit part and I didn't get to...
SHARON STONE
They call me corrupt, frivolous. I am not at all privileged. Maybe the only privileged thing is my f...
IMELDA MARCOS
Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some ...
TERRY PRATCHETT
I love 'Husbands and Wives,' Woody Allen's movie. It's like one of my all-time favor...
ZOE LISTER-JONES
If I ever used my client's name in a question he would take care of me, ... I took it as a threat.
JOHN GOTTI
I took an acting class with Louise Lasser, Woody Allen's first wife and co-star in many movies. ...
GARY SHTEYNGART
It's interesting that Swiss banks also hide their assets from the Swiss by using offshore bank s...
JULIAN ASSANGE
This instant is the only time there is.
A COURSE IN MIRACLES
I am never upset for the reason I think.
A COURSE IN MIRACLES

More Woody Allen

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
WOODY ALLEN
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and pot...
WOODY ALLEN
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
WOODY ALLEN
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very in...
WOODY ALLEN
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my car...
WOODY ALLEN
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
WOODY ALLEN
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman...
WOODY ALLEN
God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. . . I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
WOODY ALLEN
The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to m...
WOODY ALLEN
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and w...
WOODY ALLEN
Sex is nature's way of saying 'Hi!'
WOODY ALLEN
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any
WOODY ALLEN
sex is simple, love stings afterwards.
WOODY ALLEN
If it wasn't for dogs, some people would never go for a walk.
WOODY ALLEN
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
WOODY ALLEN
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
WOODY ALLEN
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
WOODY ALLEN
I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
WOODY ALLEN
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
WOODY ALLEN
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jum...
WOODY ALLEN
You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?
WOODY ALLEN
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
WOODY ALLEN
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
WOODY ALLEN
The decision to decide is a decision in itself.
WOODY ALLEN
One small decision can change your life! That's why I always let someone else make my decisions, tha...
WOODY ALLEN
Growing up is amazing, until you get old!
WOODY ALLEN
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white...
WOODY ALLEN
If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
WOODY ALLEN
I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.
WOODY ALLEN
Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.
WOODY ALLEN
The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
WOODY ALLEN
I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.
WOODY ALLEN
In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Th...
WOODY ALLEN
Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
WOODY ALLEN
A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
WOODY ALLEN
Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that y...
WOODY ALLEN
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -...
WOODY ALLEN
If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
WOODY ALLEN
In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and...
WOODY ALLEN
My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else.
WOODY ALLEN
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
WOODY ALLEN
It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic.
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked...
WOODY ALLEN
For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermu...
WOODY ALLEN
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.
WOODY ALLEN
The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep..
WOODY ALLEN
Marriage is the death of hope.
WOODY ALLEN
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I...
WOODY ALLEN
I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
I am at two with nature.
WOODY ALLEN
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
WOODY ALLEN
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
WOODY ALLEN
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
WOODY ALLEN
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the ba...
WOODY ALLEN
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead.
WOODY ALLEN
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
WOODY ALLEN
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
WOODY ALLEN
Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to ...
WOODY ALLEN
More than at any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and ut...
WOODY ALLEN
A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. An...
WOODY ALLEN
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
WOODY ALLEN
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy...
WOODY ALLEN
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
WOODY ALLEN
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
WOODY ALLEN
Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exc...
WOODY ALLEN
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
WOODY ALLEN
It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is ...
WOODY ALLEN
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
WOODY ALLEN
I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me
WOODY ALLEN
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. ...
WOODY ALLEN
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
WOODY ALLEN
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex an...
WOODY ALLEN
What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.
WOODY ALLEN
How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans.
WOODY ALLEN
Innovation is the ability to see change as an opportunity - not a threat
WOODY ALLEN
Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.
WOODY ALLEN
Eternity is really long, especially near the end
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
WOODY ALLEN
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
WOODY ALLEN
If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take tw...
WOODY ALLEN
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions
WOODY ALLEN
A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight ...
WOODY ALLEN
The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.
WOODY ALLEN
The best way to find your perfect match is to meet love halfway.
WOODY ALLEN
There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem t...
WOODY ALLEN
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on offi...
WOODY ALLEN
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
WOODY ALLEN
Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they f...
WOODY ALLEN
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
WOODY ALLEN
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
WOODY ALLEN
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
WOODY ALLEN
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad o...
WOODY ALLEN
Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
WOODY ALLEN
Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful, and multiply'. But not in t...
WOODY ALLEN
Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
WOODY ALLEN
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
WOODY ALLEN
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to fin...
WOODY ALLEN
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
WOODY ALLEN
He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
WOODY ALLEN
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty da...
WOODY ALLEN
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boa...
WOODY ALLEN
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure ou...
WOODY ALLEN
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
WOODY ALLEN
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't h...
WOODY ALLEN
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
WOODY ALLEN
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
WOODY ALLEN
Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
WOODY ALLEN
My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make fi...
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the bo...
WOODY ALLEN
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife
WOODY ALLEN
If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job
WOODY ALLEN
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
WOODY ALLEN
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
WOODY ALLEN
Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence, so why bother shaving?
WOODY ALLEN
Whosover loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.
WOODY ALLEN
The wicked at heart probably know something.
WOODY ALLEN
My Lord, my Lord! What hast Thou done, lately?
WOODY ALLEN
Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
WOODY ALLEN
If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job.
WOODY ALLEN
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
WOODY ALLEN
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy ...
WOODY ALLEN
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead- not sick, not wounded - dead.
WOODY ALLEN
For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath ...
WOODY ALLEN
We were married by a reformed rabbi in Long Island. A very reformed rabbi. A Nazi.
WOODY ALLEN
The only difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to m...
WOODY ALLEN
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
WOODY ALLEN
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
WOODY ALLEN
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat...
WOODY ALLEN
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
WOODY ALLEN
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought--...
WOODY ALLEN
If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say ab...
WOODY ALLEN
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way aroun...
WOODY ALLEN
I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
WOODY ALLEN
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
WOODY ALLEN
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
WOODY ALLEN
I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
WOODY ALLEN
How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
WOODY ALLEN
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typ...
WOODY ALLEN
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
WOODY ALLEN
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
WOODY ALLEN
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to g...
WOODY ALLEN
Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be ther...
WOODY ALLEN
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter...
WOODY ALLEN
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundre...
WOODY ALLEN
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
WOODY ALLEN
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
WOODY ALLEN
Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverag...
WOODY ALLEN
The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get y...
WOODY ALLEN
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
WOODY ALLEN
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
WOODY ALLEN
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
WOODY ALLEN
My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
WOODY ALLEN
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
WOODY ALLEN
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
WOODY ALLEN
A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
WOODY ALLEN
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declare...
WOODY ALLEN
The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.
WOODY ALLEN
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
WOODY ALLEN
I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants
WOODY ALLEN
I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
WOODY ALLEN
Everytime I hear Wagner I feel like invading Poland.
WOODY ALLEN
She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could ca...
WOODY ALLEN
My brain? That´s my second favourite organ.
WOODY ALLEN
I think any boycott is wrong, ... Boycotts were exactly what the Germans were doing against the Jews...
WOODY ALLEN
Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you ca...
WOODY ALLEN
Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
WOODY ALLEN
As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to ge...
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Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
WOODY ALLEN
There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says...
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I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horr...
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If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.
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I like the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life.
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It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones
slept better, [Cloquet...
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Subjectivity is objective.
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The most expensive sex is free sex
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These modern analysts! They charge so much. In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you....
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It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blow...
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We laughed over it, and Hemingway punched me in the mouth.
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I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
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Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.
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You will notice that what we are aiming at when we fall in love is a very strange paradox. The parad...
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This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother’s crazy. He thinks he’s a chicken. The...
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The heart wants what it wants.
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We're all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions, moral choices. Some are on a grand sc...
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Chapter 1.
He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion...no, make t...
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My brain? That's my second favorite organ.
WOODY ALLEN