If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.

Senator John Kyle claiming that over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion.

Stephen Colbert: Over 90 percent, that is unbelievable...in that it is not true. Only 3 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion. Kyle just rounded it up to the nearest 90.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

It's official. Highway patrolmen are not susceptible to the Jedi Mind Trick.

In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.

Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family.