If something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 minutes, than it's probably not worth knowing anyways.

Hey Dad, will you buy me a flame thrower?

Of course not. Don't be silly.

Even if I didn't use it in the house?

A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do.

I say, if your knees aren’t green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.

Calvin: "I read this library book you got me."
Calvin's Mom: "What did you think of it?"
Calvin: "It really made me see things differently. It's given me a lot to think about."
Calvin's Mom: "I'm glad you enjoyed it."
Calvin: "It's complicating my life. Don't get me any more.

I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin