If variety if the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam

I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.

If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

Well, we'll have no more of such foolishness," I say harshly, to cover the wavering in my voice. "We're getting married, and that's that.

We're more effective than birth control pills.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.