If you're going to write, don't pretend to write down. It's going to be the best you can do, and it's the fact that it's the best you can do that kills you.


Dorothy Parker

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They sicken of the calm, who knew the storm.
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DOROTHY PARKER
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DOROTHY PARKER
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DOROTHY PARKER
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I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.
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A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika.
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afte...
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The two most beautiful words in the English language are: Check Enclosed.
DOROTHY PARKER
If, with the literate, I am/ Impelled to try an epigram,/ I never seek to take the credit;/ We all a...
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Q: What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

A: You can't hear an enzyme.
DOROTHY PARKER
Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life.
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She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go.
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I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
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This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it."
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Tell him I was too fucking busy-- or vice versa.
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Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
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tomorrow's gone-we'll have tonight!
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This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.
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He has a capacity for enjoyment so vast that he gives away great chunks to those about him, and neve...
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This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.
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Woman wants monogamy; / Man delights in novelty. / Love is woman's moon and sun; / Man has other for...
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I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
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The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
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If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be ...
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Most good women are hidden treasures who are only safe because nobody looks for them.
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Excuse my dust
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Check enclosed.
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Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
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Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.
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"The House Beautiful" is the play lousy
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And if my heart be scarred and burned,
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I can't talk about Hollywood. It was a horror to me when I was there and it's a horror to look back ...
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Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
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They sicken of the calm who know the storm.
DOROTHY PARKER
I was always sweet, at first. Oh, it's so easy to be sweet to people before you love them.
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As only New Yorkers know, if you can get through the twilight, you'll live through the night.
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And there was that poor sucker Flaubert rolling around on his floor for three days looking for the r...
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[We look like] a road company of the Last Supper.
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If all the girls who attended the Harvard-Yale game were laid end to end, I wouldn't be surprised
DOROTHY PARKER
I misremember who first was cruel enough to nurture the cocktail party into life. But perhaps it wou...
DOROTHY PARKER
She (Katherine Hepburn) runs the gamut of emotions from A to B
DOROTHY PARKER
Every love's the love before in a duller dress
DOROTHY PARKER
This living, this living, this living/ Was never a project of mine.
DOROTHY PARKER
The doctors were very brave about it.
DOROTHY PARKER
I want people to learn something they didn't know, ... We hope people have fun and learn about our c...
DOROTHY PARKER
This is on me.
DOROTHY PARKER
That woman speaks 18 languages and can't say "No" in any of them
DOROTHY PARKER
Constant use will not wear ragged the fabric of friendship.
DOROTHY PARKER
Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts a...
DOROTHY PARKER
Some men break your heart in two,/ Some men fawn and flatter,/ Some men never look at you;/ And that...
DOROTHY PARKER
I can't write five words but that I change seven.
DOROTHY PARKER
I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope th...
DOROTHY PARKER
Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart.
DOROTHY PARKER
Authors and actors and artists and such - Never know nothing, and never know much
DOROTHY PARKER
You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think.
DOROTHY PARKER
It's a small apartment, I've barely enough room to lay my hat and a few friends.
DOROTHY PARKER
Hollywood money isn't money. It's congealed snow.
DOROTHY PARKER
Excuse me, everybody, I have to go to the bathroom. I really have to telephone, but I'm too embarras...
DOROTHY PARKER
Somebody was using the pencil.
DOROTHY PARKER
That would be a good thing for them to carve on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it ...
DOROTHY PARKER
A list of authors who have made themselves most beloved and therefore, most comfortable financially,...
DOROTHY PARKER
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be a darling at it.
DOROTHY PARKER
Byron and Shelley and Keats/ Were a trio of lyrical treats.
DOROTHY PARKER
That woman speaks eight languages and can't say no in any of them.
DOROTHY PARKER
"Cheque enclosed" are the two most beautiful words in the English language
DOROTHY PARKER
She looks as new as a peeled egg
DOROTHY PARKER
She looks like something that would eat its young
DOROTHY PARKER
I was fired from there, finally, for a lot of things, among them my insistence that the Immaculate C...
DOROTHY PARKER
By the time you swear you are his, shivering and sighing, And he vows his passion is infinite and un...
DOROTHY PARKER
Too fucking busy, and vice versa. [Reply to her editor who was bugging her for her belated work whil...
DOROTHY PARKER
They sicken of the calm, who know the storm
DOROTHY PARKER
People are more fun than any body
DOROTHY PARKER
I know that there are things that never have been funny, and never will be. And I know that ridicule...
DOROTHY PARKER
I suppose that now if I ever wrote a play about myself I'd be sued for plagiarism
DOROTHY PARKER
There's a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simp...
DOROTHY PARKER
Four be the things I am wiser to know: Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
DOROTHY PARKER
Lips that taste of tears, they say/ Are the best for kissing.
DOROTHY PARKER
I wish I could drink like a lady / I can take one or two at the most / Three and I'm under the table...
DOROTHY PARKER
My land is bare of chattering folk; / the clouds are low along the ridges, / and sweet's the air wit...
DOROTHY PARKER
The sweeter the apple, the blacker the core. Scratch a lover and find a foe!
DOROTHY PARKER
This is on me. [suggested for her tombstone]
DOROTHY PARKER
Misfortune, and recited misfortune especially, can be prolonged to the point where it ceases to exci...
DOROTHY PARKER
Money is only congealed snow.
DOROTHY PARKER
Why, that dog is practically a Phi Beta Kappa. She can sit up and beg, and she can give her paw -- I...
DOROTHY PARKER
I hate writing, I love having written.
DOROTHY PARKER