If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
Groucho Marx
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If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX God, make me blind so i can never see her face again...God, make me deaf so i can never hear her voi...
JORDAN PETERS I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX I like to exhilarate the audience like Groucho Marx exhilarated me when I was a kid. Also, I enjoy d...
FRANK FERRANTE The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN I can't explain why your name seems so familiar to me, or why it feels like I've heard your voice a ...
NIKKI ROWE Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW It's like there are a million screams caught inside of my chest but I have to keep them all in becau...
TAHEREH MAFI The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX I'd always heard stories about how Harpo Marx was the most talkative of the Marx brothers. I fou...
HARMONY KORINE The real achievement of Woody Allen was that he was making movies that felt very personal, and for a...
NOAH BAUMBACH They heard one side of the story. The next jury will hear the entire story.
BILL COTTER Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you
GROUCHO MARX You'll hear 'Hippie,' or, 'Get a haircut.' I like it. I think it's funny bec...
JACOB DEGROM i dont like when people say you know when they are in the middle of telling you something to me it g...
DALLY SALAD Anytime you can come and hear an offensive expert like coach Borges, it will help you. His record sp...
DOUG GOODWIN set your goals in life because if u dont then it seems like a wild goose chase..
RAHUL.V.BHOLE When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE If you dont like me, Walk away , Matter of fact Run Away
VIRGINIA EUWER WOLFF Youve got to be an optimist to be a Democrat, and youve got to be a humorist to stay one.
WILL ROGERS We dont know what were going to go home to, ... If we dont have anything anymore, Im not sure I want...
IAN WILLIAMSON I've heard that before. It's always very flattering to hear, but I'm not sure if I quite buy it. It'...
ALYSON HANNIGAN Half the stories in every newspaper should be headlined 'Stop me before I legislate again
DAVID BOAZ A sentinel angel sitting high in glory
Heard this shrill wail ring out from Purgatory:
"Have m...
JOHN HAY people dont know you till they meet you. dont smile if you dont want to, dont be a false person, don...
CAROLINA JANETTE GOMEZ GONZALEZ If at first you don't succeed, before you try again, stop to figure out what you did wrong.
LEO ROSTEN He may be a rookie, but he looks like a 10-year veteran to me. You hear things about people before y...
JOCELYN THIBAULT But I like to listen to demos. I like to hear the finished product. It's like listening to a son...
REBA MCENTIRE They come because this is the story of multiple generations of their lives. They've heard these stor...
JAMES GARCIA Dont GiVe UP iF U StIll WaNna TrY*
DonT WIpE YOUR TeARS IF YOU StiLL WANT TO Cry
DON'T SET...
TRENT REZNOR And when they heard of the resurrection of the dead, some mocked: and others said, We will hear thee...
BIBLE Life gives us lessons to learn and if we dont learn those lessons we will keep going round in circle...
GARY F EVANS... Dont look back in anger, I heard you say...
OASIS The neurologist told me that it would be a year before I could possibly play soccer again. That's no...
MEGHAN FLYNT We cannot divulge details yet and I am yet to consent to any. But if all falls into place, Id like t...
JASMINE TRIAS I've heard people tell me there's never been a gay character like Agron on TV before, and so...
DAN FEUERRIEGEL The idea is to stop this problem before it gets out of hand like it has on the Mainland.
BOB LOY if it is whispered in the wind it is heard; if you listen to the wind you to shall hear
DEBBIE NICHOLSON I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come ...
GROUCHO MARX Okay, seriously, I dont know if this is true or not, but I heard people who use profanity are trying...
SIMONE ELKELES it doesnt matter how slow you go, as long as you dont stop
ELIN Keith fell to the floor and let out this blood-curdling scream. It's a sound I have never heard befo...
SUSAN WALKER I thought of you and how you love this beauty,
And walking up the long beach all alone
I h...
SARA TEASDALE The trainer was telling me to stop because it was dangerous if it gets into the heart,
AKIKO MORIGAMI Thank goodness for me this technology exists, because it's the only way that his story would get tol...
SHAWN ASHMORE "Dont forget me" says love.
"Forget me if you have to" says true love............
PRABHA Nothing in this world is what it seems! So look again! hear again and feel again!
DR. VINOD B. NAIR I had called her up a couple of weeks before then, because I had heard this vicious rumour that she ...
CHARLIZE THERON We all wait for a mirror to show us who we are, to validate us. When we hear something about ourselv...
CLARISSA PINKOLA ESTES I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it
GROUCHO MARX OY! Stop playing around and lets cook already!"
*smack*
J-just now, that made a really lou...
NATSUKI TAKAYA I'm only me. That is all I can be. No more, no
less, dont second guess. I love, I live, I laugh, I
c...
OLASOT Love this life youve been given... ever-exciting, twists & turns, plot flips, unsuspecting surprises...
EULLYS "JEWELZ" HINNANT III I don't know what you heard, but I didn't hear much.
WILLIAM MYERS If you hear a statistic, you will make up a story to go with it, because our brains are organized on...
GLORIA STEINEM If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.
STEPHEN WRIGHT I dont know if anybody knows how to recover from this,
BOB ISRAEL Every writing course I ever heard of said the same thing. Take one story, follow it through, beginni...
DOROTHY ALLISON I've never heard of a Hall inducting an entire team before. But it says a lot about this community t...
DON BREWER I've never heard of a Hall inducting an entire team before, ... But it says a lot about this communi...
DON BREWER It's easy to tell a story than to read a story. Then again, to tell a story you must read it. But, n...
CHARLES JONES Probably the last sound heard before the Universe folded up like a paper hat would be someone saying...
TERRY PRATCHETT It sounds like this incredible Cinderella story, ... but it didn't surprise me at all.
JOHN HERRERA If I heard someone else singing like me, I would buy it in a heartbeat.
AMY WINEHOUSE I write because there is a madness within me to express my thoughts in words. I write because I feel...
AVIJEET DAS There’s a part of me which has always wanted to hear a man say, "Let me take care of you forever,"...
ELIZABETH GILBERT I don't know if you guys have heard this one before, but if you have, sing along,
KELLY CLARKSON After a witness makes a positive ID, if the investigator says something that validates the ID before...
BRIAN CUTLER I like the idea that people hear my stuff, and if it's commercially successful, that's a goo...
PAUL MCCARTNEY Eat cheese and do a u-turn but if you dont like cheese dont eat cheese and do a u-turn
KATIE BAVISTER You’ve probably heard it before—if not, you’ve likely experienced it yourself.
OSCAR AULIQ-ICE You’ve probably heard it before—if not, you’ve likely experienced it yourself.
AULIQ-ICE I've also heard that story. I don't know if it's true, but nothing would surprise me after the past ...
COLIN MCCLELLAND This book is its story, and mine. It is also yours. Because it won’t be long before the repercussi...
JENNIFER A. DOUDNA It thought about the magic that happens when you tell a story right, and everybody who hears it not ...
KATHERINE HANNIGAN Don't lie to yourself?
SONYA.E.WILLIAMS He's a serial entrepreneur. Somebody stop him before he makes a killing again.
CARL ZETIE We were able to stop him and attempted to ID him. The information he gave us was false.
WILLIAM HARPER If you ever…ever… touch her again, I swear to God, Grady, I‟ll fucking kill you. Do you hear m...
KIMBERLY DERTING How could this happen in America? ... I hope my story ? will prevent what happened to me from ever h...
JAMES YEE We have seen it time and time again where they [unions] take money for political purposes and dont g...
ERIC BEACH It makes it harder to write if I watch a lot of television, because television is not like a written...
AVI You're like a song that I heard when I was a little kid but forgot I knew until I heard it again.
MAGGIE STIEFVATER I just dont know how...to think less. If you know how, then teach me...
AISHAH MADADIY I still hear young people saying, 'Well, this isn't like cocaine, this isn't like methamphetamine, a...
GLEN HANSON is that it is like Hamlet. If you thought about who had played it before, you'd never play Hamlet ag...
COLIN FIRTH [If you hear a] story about how eating sausage leads to anal cancer, you will be skeptical, because ...
DAVID MCRANEY I heard about the Holocaust before hearing the 'Cinderella' story or watching 'Peter Pan...
JOSHUA OPPENHEIMER Something did happen, and I really don't feel proud of it.
DEYTH BANGER We bought this house in '73 and all their childhood memories are tied up with this house. They reall...
DONA STEPHENS Harpo Marx looks like a musical comedy.
WALTER KERR It sounded a lot like me when I didn't want to go to Vancouver. Really, I had never heard of (Vazque...
STEVE FRANCIS I'm about to start reading it again, because what good is a story you only want to read once?
BILL WILLINGHAM Call and write your senators. Tell them how you feel about this before it happens again, and hopeful...
JENNY SLIGHT you really think im happy what just because i smile haha thats a joke is the devil good just because...
AMBER FAITH HUN I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX
More Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club
that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead
or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX Did I ever tell you how I shot a wild elephant in my pyjamas? How he got into my pyjamas I'll never ...
GROUCHO MARX