I’m mean? That’s the worst you can throw at me?”
“Mean and self-pitying. Does that make it better?”
“And what are you, Astrid?” he shouted. “A smug know-it-all! You point your finger at me and say, ‘Hey, Sam, you make the decisions, and you take all the heat.’”
“Oh, it’s my fault? No way. I didn’t anoint you.”
“Yeah, you did, Astrid. You guilted me into it. You think I don’t know what you’re all about? You used me to protect Little Pete. You use me to get your way. You manipulate me anytime you feel like it.”
“You really are a jerk, you know that?”
“No, I’m not a jerk, Astrid. You know what I am? I’m the guy getting people killed,” Sam said quietly.
Then, “My head is exploding from it. I can’t get my brain around it. I can’t do this. I can’t be that guy, Astrid, I’m a kid, I should be studying algebra or whatever. I should be hanging out. I should be watching TV.”
His voice rose, higher and louder till he was screaming. “What do you want from me? I’m not Little Pete’s father. I’m not everybody’s father. Do you ever stop to think what people are asking me to do? You know what they want me to do? Do you? They want me to kill my brother so the lights will come back on. They want me to kill kids! Kill Drake. Kill Diana. Get our own kids killed.
“That’s what they ask. Why not, Sam? Why aren’t you doing what you have to do, Sam? Tell kids to get eaten alive by zekes, Sam. Tell Edilio to dig some more holes in the square, Sam.”
He had gone from yelling to sobbing. “I’m fifteen years old. I’m fifteen.”
He sat down hard on the edge of the bed. “Oh, my God, Astrid. It’s in my head, all these things. I can’t get rid of them. It’s like some filthy animal inside my head and I will never, ever, ever get rid of it. It makes me feel so bad. It’s disgusting. I want to throw up. I want to die. I want someone to shoot me in the head so I don’t have to think about everything.”
Astrid was beside him, and her arms were around him. He was ashamed, but he couldn’t stop the tears. He was sobbing like he had when he was a little kid, like when he had a nightmare. Out of control. Sobbing.
Gradually the spasms slowed. Then stopped. His breathing went from ragged to regular.
“I’m really glad the lights weren’t on,” Sam said. “Bad enough you had to hear it.”
“I’m falling apart,” he said.
Astrid gave no answer, just held him close. And after what felt like a very long time, Sam moved away from her, gently putting distance between them again.
“Listen. You won’t ever tell anyone…”
“No. But, Sam…”
“Please don’t tell me it’s okay,” Sam said. “Don’t be nice to me anymore. Don’t even tell me you love me. I’m about a millimeter from falling apart again.”
“Okay.


Michael Grant

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Leslie-Ann set down her own bucket and watched, marveling, as a quarter of an inch of water covered ...
MICHAEL GRANT
Stay in your boats,” Dahra said. “We’re still going to need food. Throw your fish onto the doc...
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Brianna’s looking for Drake,” Edilio said, thinking out loud.
“You sent her out against D...
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Have either of you seen Sam? Brianna can’t find him.”
Albert sighed. “He’s out of town....
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Hey! One of Edilio’s soldiers just came staggering in from the gas station. He says someone attack...
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Albert, I don’t know how long we can keep Sam involved at all,” she said.
“You’re upset...
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Sam always felt like a fool in this room. He sat in a too-big chair at one end of the table. Astrid ...
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Albert had created a currency based on gold bullets and McDonald’s game pieces. He’d wanted to c...
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I’m trying to make a profit. I’m using batteries, toilet paper, and paper towels as currency. Ea...
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Hey, brah,” Quinn said.
“What is going on, do you know?” Sam asked.
“It’s a club...
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Sorry, folks, but the maximum occupancy is seventy-five,” Albert said. Then he spotted Jack. “Ja...
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I’m trying to help,” Albert said.
“By paying him with beer?”
“I paid him what he...
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What’s up, Albert?”
“Well, I’ve done inventory at Ralph’s, and I think if I had a lot...
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Um, people.”
It wasn’t hard to get their attention. They gathered around. Even the littlest...
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What happened?” Albert asked.
Taylor looked at Sam. Sam said nothing. He stared. First at his...
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Female say Pack Leader stop,” Pack Leader said angrily.
“What?” Caine could make no sense...
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The light of day showed you the limits of possibility. But walk through the dark, the absolute, tota...
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What’s Albert going to do?” a boy named Jim demanded. “Where’s Albert?”
Albert steppe...
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He pictured himself at the lake, on a houseboat. Dekka would be there, and Brianna and Jack. He woul...
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Hand me my pants,
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Hunter’s dead,” Taylor said without preamble. “It was these . . . these things. They came craw...
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She’s stronger than you are, Sam. It’s like fighting yourself and Caine and Jack and Dekka, all ...
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promise me, Sam: whatever it takes to win, whatever it takes to survive.”
“Astrid—”
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He overheard the director talking to one of the cameramen. The cameraman was explaining that he coul...
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There were dozens of theories about what it was, that dome. Every scientist in the world, it seemed,...
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He’s becoming useless. Worse than useless,” Sam said. Then, relenting, he said, “We’ll get p...
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Man, sometimes you are clueless. You don’t even see what’s happening.” He perched himself on t...
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Human Crew had been a group formed to defend the rights of normals against freaks. At least that was...
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You’re supposed to be the big boss.”
Sam said nothing. The crowd hushed, ready to watch thi...
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First there was Caine’s patently false “confession.” Then there was the fact that the FAYZ Leg...
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A man without pleasure is a man without any idea what life is about
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I’ve helped you when I could, Caine. I’ve done all of it. I kept you alive and changed your filt...
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Sam woke to a feeling of utter, profound, incredible relief.
He closed his eyes as soon as he o...
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We’re not going to give in. We’re going to fight.”
“Got that right,” a voice cried ou...
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Tell me something, Noah. Which is more important: freedom or happiness?'

What was this, a...
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And death is better because death is the end of fear, isnt it? -Dekka
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(...) But Gaia had absorbed the new information. "I won't need to kill billions, Diana. When Nemesis...
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Still Caine hesitated. A big, warm bed. A beautiful girl to share it with. Food. Water. Everything h...
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No, I'm not a jerk, Astrid. You know what I am? I'm the guy getting people killed," Sam said quietly...
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Brittney, it was wrong to murder even before Moses brought down the commandments. Right and wrong do...
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Beautiful songs could sometimes take a person out of themselves and carry them away to a place of ma...
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It's over, Sam. Finally."
"Yeah," he said. "I guess it is."
"Turn out the light, Sam."
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Hello, Darkness," Caine said.
Gaia's face fell. Her bloody, feral grin faded to be replaced by ...
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It takes me a while to figure things out, doesn't it?" Edilio grinned. "Do me a favor. When you find...
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Caine tried to roll to his feet, but something was jabbing him in the crouch. He shook off the stars...
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You're a big, lovable teddy bear.
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Come live with us, Diana. Don't argue. Just say yes."
Diana looked at the ground to hide her em...
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Say it. But..."
"But what?" he asked.
She whispered it, sounding too vulnerable. "But only...
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It took Caine a few beats to get it. “No. Go kill yourself. Eat your own gun. No. No no no.”
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Find Sam Temple. Tell him you escaped.”
Jack gulped and bobbed his head.
“Better yet, ...
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Has Orc shown up here?” But neither Caine nor Diana answered. Both were staring at Drake, who saun...
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My little man,” she said.
“No.”
She stretched out her hand to him. “Come.”
...
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You saw the way everyone looked at him? And when I asked for nominations, his was the first name men...
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Now, who else speaks for Perdido Beach?”
Bouncing Bette said, “Sam Temple here went into a ...
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A white van drove slowly—as slowly as only an inexperienced and frightened driver could go—
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Delay of pain: that was the meaning of life, wasn’t it?
“I’ve made some bad decisions,”...
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But then had come the voice that said, "Come on, you little freak, wherever the hell you are,
w...
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It’s not about the powers, man; it’s that we aren’t kids anymore. Look what we’ve been throu...
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Endgame,” Sam muttered, not really expecting Caine to hear.
“Yep,” Caine said. “That’...
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But hey this was the FAYZ, where all you could really hope was to delay the pain.
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And now, at last, gaiaphage and Nemesis stood facing each other.
“Why didn’t you just . . ....
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I’m sorry for hurting you. I know I did. I’m most likely dead now, and I guess if there’s any ...
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You need to think about all that, Sam,” Dekka said. “You’re the leader, after all.”
“...
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Do you love me?” Diana asked.
Caine’s eyes widened. She could actually see him twitch. Like...
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Hunter woke suddenly. A noise.
It was a noise unlike anything he’d ever heard before. Close! ...
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He reached over and took Taylor’s hand. She did not pull her hand away.
He moved his hand up ...
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Little Pete. He’s not exactly just Astrid’s autistic brother.” He explained briefly while Toto...
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Quinn came forward and Sam pulled him aside. His old friend looked tortured and sad.
“What’...
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Have a seat with me,” Caine said, hopping down from the wall. “How have you been, Taylor?”
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And he thought of the two people who had held his job before him: Sam and Astrid. Both beaten into d...
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Today, each of you will make a decision,” Caine said. “To go with Sam, or to stay here. I won’...
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He’s not the first to say that.
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Like a bullet out of a gun. His big paws had caught the dog before the dog could even flinch.
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Sam was starting to feel anxious. Nutella and noodles were fine. Great in fact. Miraculous. But he'd...
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The gaiaphage. That's the other word they use. 'Gaia,' as in world. 'Phage,' as in a worm or somethi...
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Mother Mary wants to draft two more kids,” Astrid told Sam.
“Okay. Approved.”
“Dah...
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First off,” he said, “I want to say I’m sorry about E.Z. He was a good kid. He didn’t deserv...
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Its the fate of all creators: They fall in love with their creations.
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Have you seen Sam?” Mary asked.
“What do you want with Sam?”
“I can’t take care ...
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Sam Temple kept a lower profile. He stuck to jeans and understated T-shirts, nothing that drew atten...
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Sam walked cautiously around Pack Leader to see the other side. There were the insect jaws protrudin...
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Astrid felt a towering wave of disgust. She was furious with Sam. Furious with Little Pete. Mad at t...
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At night we cry sometimes, and if you think that just applies to the females then you have never bee...
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The Tao of Natural Breathing by Dennis Lewis is filled with drawings, insights and guidance from an ...
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Why are we doing this?" Caine asked him. "You know damned well why we're doing this. Because it's a ...
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I’m getting my stuff,” he said, and bolted for the steps.
“You don’t have to move out,�...
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The warrior who had gone out from the lake to save his people by slaying the evil one was now just a...
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