I'm super lazy today. It's like normal lazy but I'm wearing a cape.

Mom: Why is everything on the floor? Me: Gravity, mom.

I am going to make a very beautiful life for myself, no matter what it takes.

I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out?

If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters.

In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying.