In real life, nothing would be more tedious than trailing around after two strangers as they went house-hunting in Hertfordshire. But for some reason, television is more compelling than real life.

More often than not, real life is so rich, complex and unpredictable that it would seem completely implausible in the pages of a novel.

More than once, I've wished my real life had a delete key.

I'll stand next to that fountain and wait until the Official find me. And when she does and asks me what I'm doing, I'll tell her and everyone else that I know: t hey are giving us pieces of a real life instead of the whole thing. And I'll tell her that I don't want my life to be samples and scraps. A taste of everything but a meal of nothing.

Real life is much stranger than fiction, man.

I wish my real life could be as simple and scripted as it is on television.