In the land of the skunks he who has half a nose is king.

You don't get into a pissing contest with a skunk and I got in with a few skunks and I didn't win.

In the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king.

I remember one time when all the nuns in my Catholic grade school got around in a semicircle, me and Mom in the middle, and they said, 'Mrs. Farley, the children at school are laughing at Christopher, not with him.' I thought, 'Who cares? As long as they're laughing.'

The point is, how do you know the Guarantee Fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer.

Let me tell you why I suck as a sellman....