Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?

According to Archimedes' principle, what happens when you jump in a bathtub full of water? Answer: The phone rings.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

What did the traffic light say to the other traffic light? Don't look, I'm changing.

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out... I mean, don't they have thoughts?