It doesn't matter if you're famous or infamous. All that matters is you're a celebrity.

You can become famous but you can't become unfamous. You can become infamous but not unfamous.

When you're young, the blue blazer feels like a grown-up costume.

Watching 'CSI: Miami' is like watching 'Teen Jeopardy!' or doing the crossword puzzle in 'People' magazine. It makes you feel smart even when you're not.

You don't really have to say much when your headline is 'Drag Queen Robs Burger King.' Sometimes comedy writes itself.

It's fun to deliver material on live TV because it's more off-the-cuff, but I like writing better. You really can measure the joke, think an extra second and nail the right reference.