It is a curious thing, but as one travels the world getting older and older, it appears that happiness is easier to get used to than despair. The second time you have a root beer float, for instance, your happiness at sipping the delicious concoction may not be quite as enormous as when you first had a root beer float, and the twelfth time your happiness may be still less enormous, until root beer floats begin to offer you very little happiness at all, because you have become used to the taste of vanilla ice cream and root beer mixed together. However, the second time you find a thumbtack in your root beer float, your despair is much greater than the first time, when you dismissed the thumbtack as a freak accident rather than part of the scheme of a soda jerk, a phrase which here means "ice cream shop employee who is trying to injure your tongue," and by the twelfth time you find a thumbtack, your despair is even greater still, until you can hardly utter the phrase "root beer float" without bursting into tears. It is almost as if happiness is an acquired taste, like coconut cordial or ceviche, to which you can eventually become accustomed, but despair is something surprising each time you encounter it.


Lemony Snicket

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LEMONY SNICKET
An apocryphal story - the word "apocryphal" here means "obviously untrue" - tells of two people, lon...
LEMONY SNICKET
You may want to keep a commonplace book which is a notebook where you can copy parts of books you th...
LEMONY SNICKET
Everybody will die, but very few people want to be reminded of that fact.
LEMONY SNICKET
It is much, much worse to receive bad news through the written word than by somebody simply telling ...
LEMONY SNICKET
The hallway was lined with numbered doors, odd numbers on one side and even numbers on the other, an...
LEMONY SNICKET
Of course, it is boring to read about boring thing, but it is better to read something that makes yo...
LEMONY SNICKET
It is very useful, when one is young, to learn the difference between "literally" and "figuratively....
LEMONY SNICKET
I will love you as a thief loves a gallery and as a crow loves a murder, as a cloud loves bats and a...
LEMONY SNICKET
Of course I'm trying to trick you!" Olaf cried. "That's the way of the world, Baudelaires. Everybody...
LEMONY SNICKET
Appearance matters a great deal because you can often tell a lot about people by looking at how they...
LEMONY SNICKET
Aha!"

My chaperone looked at me like I should aha! back, but all I could m...
LEMONY SNICKET
Various parts of my body told me that in the future they would appreciate it if I slept lying down o...
LEMONY SNICKET
There was still plenty of water in the basement, and I felt it soaking me from the knees on down. If...
LEMONY SNICKET
It looked like something the Hemlock needed, or a piece of equipment a plumber had left behind. It l...
LEMONY SNICKET
But the world did not match the picture in my head, and instead I was with a strange, uncombed perso...
LEMONY SNICKET
They were almond cookies, although they could have been made of spinach and shoes for all I cared. I...
LEMONY SNICKET
It felt like the wrong thing to do, standing at the wrong door in the wrong place. We did it anyway....
LEMONY SNICKET
Stretched out in front of me was my time as an adult, and then a skeleton, and then nothing except p...
LEMONY SNICKET
It is always terrible to be told to go play with people one doesn’t know...
LEMONY SNICKET
The map is not the territory.
LEMONY SNICKET
I do what I do," I said, "in order to do something else.
LEMONY SNICKET
Nothing firms up a friendship like a good-natured argument.
LEMONY SNICKET
You must be all a-tingle with excitement.'
'I guess so,' I said, but I did not feel a-tingle. I...
LEMONY SNICKET
I thought maybe if I stared hard enough, I could see the lights of the city I had left so very far b...
LEMONY SNICKET
The library was one enormous room, with long, high metal shelves and the perfect quiet that librarie...
LEMONY SNICKET
There are two good reasons to put your napkin in your lap. One is that food might spill in your lap,...
LEMONY SNICKET
I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. It is good to brush your teeth when you are angry, becau...
LEMONY SNICKET
There was something I was always very good at, however, and that was teaching myself not to be frigh...
LEMONY SNICKET
Scolding must be very, very fun, otherwise children would be allowed to do it. It is not because chi...
LEMONY SNICKET
So you’re reluctant, I said to myself. Many, many people are reluctant. It’s like having feet. I...
LEMONY SNICKET
The children of this world and the adults of this world are in entirely separate boats and only drif...
LEMONY SNICKET
A mystery is solved with a story.
LEMONY SNICKET
I’m reminded of a book my father used to read me,” she said. “A bunch of elves and things get ...
LEMONY SNICKET
You may be right,' she said, a phrase which here meant 'I’m wrong, but I don’t have the courage ...
LEMONY SNICKET
Knowing that something is wrong and doing it anyway happens very often in life, and I doubt I will e...
LEMONY SNICKET
There's an easy method for finding someone when you hear them scream. First get a clean sheet of pap...
LEMONY SNICKET
Don’t repeat yourself. It’s not only repetitive, it’s redundant, and people have heard it befo...
LEMONY SNICKET
They say in every library there is a single book that can answer the question that burns like a fire...
LEMONY SNICKET
How clever of you to figure that out,' said a voice at the top of the stairs, and Violet, and Klaus ...
LEMONY SNICKET
I'm not a stranger," I said, and pointed to his book. "I'm someone who reads the same authors you do...
LEMONY SNICKET
There is nothing wrong with crying at the end of a long day.
LEMONY SNICKET
being skeptical is a good thing for a journalist, because it means you don't completely trust anyone...
LEMONY SNICKET
There are people in the world who care about automobiles, and there are people who couldn't care les...
LEMONY SNICKET
Perhaps I had been in another world before I was born, and did not remember it, or perhaps I would s...
LEMONY SNICKET
There are many mysteries I have never solved, and the hair of my chaperone is perhaps my most curiou...
LEMONY SNICKET
It is never seven that you count to, before you do something difficult. It is never at the count of ...
LEMONY SNICKET
The three of us stood there for a minute. I don’t know what Stew was thinking, and the filing cabi...
LEMONY SNICKET
When you need a haircut, it looks like you have no one to take care of you.
LEMONY SNICKET
I don't know why wicked places generally look wicked. You'd think they'd look nice, to fool people, ...
LEMONY SNICKET
They can teach you anything. That doesn't mean you learn it. It doesn't mean you believe it.
LEMONY SNICKET
The trick to following someone without getting caught is to follow somebody who doesn't think they'r...
LEMONY SNICKET
I thought the war was a simple matter, with one side good and the other evil. But the more I read, t...
LEMONY SNICKET
Complimenting someone in an exaggerated way is known as flattery, and flattery will generally get yo...
LEMONY SNICKET
Of course you can trust me," Jake Hix said. "We read the same books.
LEMONY SNICKET
It is a lonely feeling when someone you care about becomes a stranger.
LEMONY SNICKET
Nobody should feel pain all by themselves.
LEMONY SNICKET
There are some secrets you want to keep to yourself, even if they don't matter. They might only matt...
LEMONY SNICKET
It seemed to me that every adult did something terrible sooner or later. And every child, I thought,...
LEMONY SNICKET