FastSaying

It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it's become good business, and God knows how long that'll last. You have to do it night after night after night to kind of make it. I still find myself on 'Piers Morgan' or on some show and I think, 'I hope this is funny.'


Lewis Black

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EUGENE SIMON I feel like sometimes, when I'm singing a song like 'Moment of Forever,' that it goes bo...
KRIS KRISTOFFERSON About f-f-ace!" she said to the horse, flailing with her boots. "Into the barn, please. It's time fo...
PETER LERANGIS You see?" Damien leaned over his desk and spread out half a dozen charcoal sketches. "These are only...
RICK RIORDAN I'm still a big 'Grey's Anatomy' fan.
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JERRY RICE I had just left 'Saturday Night Live' when I came to 'The Daily Show,' and it just f...
ROB RIGGLE I'm the biggest Westbrook fan, I think, there is. You know what I mean? Because he reminds me so...
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BETSY BRANDT It's tough to go to sleep at night, and I wake up after five hours because I feel like I'm w...
DAVE GROHL I think it's still hard for me to turn down work if it's really good because for so many yea...
MATT DAMON Once I turned pro, I was like,' OK, this is not fun and games now. This is me. I'm going to ...
NATE DIAZ I think everybody has to be better, right from me out. Everybody has to step up their games for us t...
ED BELFOUR I was probably 8 years old; my mom let me stay up one night. She's like, 'You have to see th...
MARK RUFFALO It's funny, I had dinner with my dear friend John Spencer last night and I'm not in the firs...
STOCKARD CHANNING I'm up all night, and then next thing you know, it's the morning, and I'll sleep, like, ...
CHRISTINA MILIAN I think there's a, you know, certain kind of freedom for me when I get on stage. Maybe it's ...
LIV WARFIELD Before I went off to Rutgers, I worked in a comic book shop in my hometown. At night, I would work o...
CHRISTOPHER MCCULLOCH After I'd preached a message on Sunday night, I'd print it up.
TIM LAHAYE I'm free to see things objectively because I don't consider myself American, and I don't...
AASIF MANDVI I think that connection with humans is so important. Sometimes I'll do this monologue and talk t...
CHET FAKER Well 'Monday Night Football,' I think the players kind of like it because they like the atte...
BUD GRANT I've got a few ideas," (Amy) admitted. "But I don't know where we're going in the long term. I mean ...
RICK RIORDAN Sometimes when I get home after a long day, I'll turn on music - I love Latin, disco, and pop - ...
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HUGH LAURIE I pray every night, sometimes long prayers about a lot of things and a lot of people, but I don'...
PEYTON MANNING The things that make me angry still make me angry. George Carlin is 67, and he's still as funny ...
DENIS LEARY A film like 'Good Night And Good Luck,' you make that for $7 million because you know it'...
GRANT HESLOV If you're doing this because you feel like you have a burning desire to do it, then you'll f...
TRISHA YEARWOOD 'Glee' is very easy to clown because I feel like it's just crumbling. 'Smash!' &...
RETTA I used to watch 'Grey's Anatomy' pretty religiously.
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AZIZ ANSARI I don't have a stylist, and I do most of my shopping online, just because it's easier. I don...
ZARA PHILLIPS Alas, I think I am becoming a god.
TITUS Some men by ancestry are only the shadow of a mighty name.
LUCAN I have a wife, I have sons: all of them hostages given to fate.
LUCAN TV kind of worked out naturally for me. I was fortunate to do a show like 'Breaking Bad' and...
EMILY RIOS I like Roy Orbison's video for 'I Drove All Night' because it's so literal. It is ju...
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JANET JACKSON It's really not about me. At the end of the day, God willing, I'll have another 40 or 50 yea...
MACKLEMORE It's funny - some producers ask me, 'Man, how do you work on a Bieber record? That would kil...
DIPLO I'll never forget one morning I walked in and I had a hell of a bruise - it had been a difficult...
VIDAL SASSOON I tweet early in the morning when I wake up or late at night just to let you know that I have a show...
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DREW BARRYMORE I'm in this really cool place in my career, where the stage I'm on that night, whether it...
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SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR I love that, even after jumping through hoops forever, I can still get that buzz, that hook. That...
GINA MCKEE I would ask my mother to show me how to walk - and she did show me. That's why I think it's ...
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ELMORE LEONARD I don't feel like I'm getting older. I think it's the way I've looked after myself. ...
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HAMILTON JORDAN I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I'm a late-night talk show host,...
CRAIG FERGUSON Some of my fans don't really like it when I respond to people who say things that are trying to ...
RICKIE FOWLER 'Night of the Comet' established me as a strong woman. And let's face it, this business ...
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ADRIAN TOMINE I've done three Broadway shows; once the curtain goes up, that's it. I mean, you prepare and...
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"Funny name for an aircraft...
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GARTH BROOKS

More Lewis Black

Basically I wake up in the morning and I think everything's going to be great. I'm really ki...
LEWIS BLACK What you don't do, if you're an adult, is decide that you're going to budget things thro...
LEWIS BLACK Being a playwright is like the equivalent of doing a jigsaw puzzle that has 1,500 pieces, and it'...
LEWIS BLACK What makes it difficult for people trying to follow a dream is that the whole time you feel like you...
LEWIS BLACK Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in th...
LEWIS BLACK A republican stands up in congress and says 'I GOT A REALLY BAD IDEA!!' and the democrat stands up a...
LEWIS BLACK Let me be serious: divorce is a sacred institution between a man and a woman who hate each other. Go...
LEWIS BLACK In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kenned...
LEWIS BLACK I've got stuff about airline mergers, which just shows that my stand-up is getting more insane b...
LEWIS BLACK When people come to my act any time after Thanksgiving, I usually say, You shouldn't be here. Yo...
LEWIS BLACK I like indoor Christmas trees. And I like people who decorate their homes with lights and all that c...
LEWIS BLACK If we're not going to tax the rich anymore, we're going to create class warfare.
LEWIS BLACK When a country wants television more than they want clean water, they've lost their grip.
LEWIS BLACK I don't know if you've noticed, but our two-party system is a bowl of shit looking at itself in the ...
LEWIS BLACK All food is comfort food. Maybe I just like to chew.
LEWIS BLACK If you really think there's a Santa, why don't you sit on the front steps all night in the freezing ...
LEWIS BLACK If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached ...
LEWIS BLACK The worst thing about Halloween is, of course, candy corn. It's unbelievable to me. Candy corn i...
LEWIS BLACK It's a big thing now: A lot of people want to be assistants to celebrities. If you're pursui...
LEWIS BLACK I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.
LEWIS BLACK Anybody who likes writing a book is an idiot. Because it's impossible; it's like having a ho...
LEWIS BLACK You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.
LEWIS BLACK I think that many things that go on in an art school have a tendency to undermine confidence, and th...
LEWIS BLACK Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas.
LEWIS BLACK People would be a lot better off if they'd enjoy being single.
LEWIS BLACK One thing I know about the rich, being rich, is that you can take money from me and tomorrow, I'...
LEWIS BLACK For a while, I thought the great disappointment of my life was that I don't have a family of my ...
LEWIS BLACK That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset some...
LEWIS BLACK Do you know what 'meteorologist' means in English? It means liar.
LEWIS BLACK You don't want another Enron? Here's your law: If a company, can't explain, in one sente...
LEWIS BLACK When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would...
LEWIS BLACK Democrats should be focused on which way we can help the most people in this country, and Republican...
LEWIS BLACK If you're going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you'd...
LEWIS BLACK And I know this happens because I took economics, and I'd explain it to ya, but I flunked that c...
LEWIS BLACK What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holida...
LEWIS BLACK When you're fund-raising for schools, then something's wrong. We seem to have lost some sort...
LEWIS BLACK In Vegas, you have an audience you can't find anywhere else. It's from all over the country....
LEWIS BLACK There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.
LEWIS BLACK I believe that summer is our time, a time for the people, and that no politician should be allowed t...
LEWIS BLACK Jerry Falwell said that the reason that September 11th happened, the reason that God allowed it to h...
LEWIS BLACK One of the interesting things about comedy is it's tension release, and nothing creates tension ...
LEWIS BLACK My parents are the last of the middle class. My father worked for the government designing sea mines...
LEWIS BLACK If you yell about one woman, you're not a misogynist. If I yell about Michelle Bachman, that doe...
LEWIS BLACK I had more material on weather than anyone else, I guess, ... back when I was traveling a lot [on th...
LEWIS BLACK When from behind me, a young woman of 25 uttered the following, it was the dumbest thing I have ever...
LEWIS BLACK If you listen to a song and get an image in your head, and then you go home and watch mtv and the im...
LEWIS BLACK I'm a happy person but an angry citizen.
LEWIS BLACK Harry Reid is not funny; he's creepy. Nancy Pelosi is creepy. Charles Schumer is sneaky and cree...
LEWIS BLACK I'm going to make my transition to weatherman soon,
LEWIS BLACK In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al ...
LEWIS BLACK If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islan...
LEWIS BLACK They're so broke that they've actually cut essential services. In many places, they've cut policemen...
LEWIS BLACK Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distribut...
LEWIS BLACK These ballot initiatives remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever ...
LEWIS BLACK And I know this happens because I took economics, and I'd explain it to yea' - but I flunked that co...
LEWIS BLACK Why would you hire MTV to do music? MTV has nothing to do with music, ok? MTV is to music as KFC is ...
LEWIS BLACK If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a po...
LEWIS BLACK There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.
LEWIS BLACK “It’s absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we’ve got rockets, w...
LEWIS BLACK If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islan...
LEWIS BLACK Fantasy football is out of control,
LEWIS BLACK If you want to elect Bush, that's the prick that I'm gonna yell about. If you want to elect John Ker...
LEWIS BLACK I'm just so looking forward to seeing Dick Cheney because it's like the sighting of a rare white elk...
LEWIS BLACK Now I must leave you as you enter the world that is Fuck. You are fucking lucky to be here. It's alm...
LEWIS BLACK As psychotic as it gets outside, the comic can be more psychotic.
LEWIS BLACK Everybody's always asking me about my blood pressure. They did an interview once where they hook...
LEWIS BLACK I continue to work on plays, but I've always felt that you could put a note in a bottle and send...
LEWIS BLACK It's absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we've got rockets, ...
LEWIS BLACK I would like to play Pebble Beach at some point. I keep waiting for them to call and ask me to that ...
LEWIS BLACK Basically, I started on stage yelling and I kept yelling, and then I yelled some more, and then I ye...
LEWIS BLACK This is how sad my life is: I got a scar from scratching my chicken pox too much. That's my big ...
LEWIS BLACK A father and two sons run Adelphia. It's a cable company. And they took from that company a bill...
LEWIS BLACK What I've found in my career is that 70 to 75 percent of comics are nice and have some sense of ...
LEWIS BLACK Democrats are like a big tortoise that's on its back and can't get up; you can't make jo...
LEWIS BLACK No matter what, your parents are going to worry about you. I had a tour bus, and my mother still tho...
LEWIS BLACK We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe.
LEWIS BLACK Just relax and breathe through your ass.
LEWIS BLACK It’s absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we’ve got rockets, we�...
LEWIS BLACK “It’s absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we’ve got rockets, we’...
LEWIS BLACK I do the same gig. I might change it a little; I might slow it down if I'm in the South. I talk ...
LEWIS BLACK There is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
KAREN BLACK I love coloring books. I keep some by my bed.
KAREN BLACK I've been invited to do a trio with a fantastic jazz guitarist and a harmonica player.
KAREN BLACK If I turn on the television, am I to believe that that is America? I'm sorry, I don't believ...
KAREN BLACK If you didn't know that I am an actress, I don't think you could tell from my lifestyle. I c...
KAREN BLACK I dislike when people try to pigeonhole me, when all I want is to do good work.
KAREN BLACK I am the least intimidating person. I think I would have done better in my career if I were a little...
KAREN BLACK I love what I do, so it's not tiring. If I worked at a computer or drove a truck, I'd be dea...
KAREN BLACK I love playing strong women, even if they're nuts.
KAREN BLACK If you can write it, I can be it.
KAREN BLACK Back in the '70s, like one of my favorite movies ever was 'The Bad News Bears', and that...
JACK BLACK Let's face it, the great comedians now that are handicapped in the looks department are tremendo...
JACK BLACK I think of myself as an entertainment arsenal. Like I have my acting bazooka and my music machete. A...
JACK BLACK I just remember the early days of Tenacious D. There was no talk or thought about doing a TV show or...
JACK BLACK I like being married. I'm at home with my wife and kids all the time now. I don't go out for...
JACK BLACK My parents were very supportive of me and my artistic endeavours. My father and mother came to every...
JACK BLACK When it's a bad movie you want to release it quietly. You try to keep it a secret like an STD.
JACK BLACK The movie Spinal Tap rocked my world. It's for rock what The Sound of Music was for hills. They ...
JACK BLACK It's a tough transition really for theater actors to adjust to television or film, and all of th...
JACK BLACK I'd just like to be in films that I would like to see.
JACK BLACK There's something about a divorce in that even if your parents still love you, the fact that the...
JACK BLACK There's nothing you can really do to prepare to rock. Do you prepare to eat a delicious meal? Ar...
JACK BLACK We're in the dark ages if J-Lo can have a music career because of her ass. And let's face it...
JACK BLACK I played, like, a year of piano until I learned the 'Pink Panther' theme. That was my goal. ...
JACK BLACK Push-ups, sit-ups, and a strict diet of raisins. That's my plan.
JACK BLACK The real challenge is if you don't look super sexy, like a Brad Pitt, you're going to have t...
JACK BLACK I'd rather be the king of kids, than the prince of fools.
JACK BLACK With the acting, it's somebody else's brainchild, and I'm just sort of helping flesh it ...
JACK BLACK When you think about rock at its origin, and you think of the Beatles and millions of kids screaming...
JACK BLACK I don't have any real spirituality in my life - I'm kind of an atheist - but when music can ...
JACK BLACK When I was a kid, I thought I was the strongest man in the world. Then, the fastest runner and then ...
JACK BLACK My children are magical creatures and I love them to death.
JACK BLACK My idea of baking is buying a ready-make cake mix and throwing in an egg.
CILLA BLACK All emphasis in American prisons is on punishment, retribution, and disparagement, and almost none i...
CONRAD BLACK I really love the idea of the poetically mad - the character that is imbued with the romantic madnes...
HOLLY BLACK My father, a mining engineer and colliery manager, gave his brood many advantages, not least of whic...
JAMES BLACK Whenever I tour my district and I ask small businesspeople 'what can I do to help?,' they te...
DIANE BLACK I drive a lot. Just for pleasure. Sometimes I'll get in the Cadillac and drive around the city o...
FRANK BLACK In addition to being a nurse, I'm also a small business owner and I taught at a local community ...
DIANE BLACK We're here tonight to remember one of the heroes of the Scottish culture, ... Cmdr. Montgomery Scott...
ALAN BLACK We rebounded really well and rebounding is the key if you are going to run,
ALAN BLACK He made me the man I am today: proud of being Scottish, proud to be the fixer, proud to save the cap...
ALAN BLACK Just because Scotty never got the girl, it did not mean he couldn't get a girlfriend, ... He was jus...
ALAN BLACK This is definitely a reality check for us, we've just got to learn from this and move on.
ALAN BLACK He is up there with the greatest the competition has seen. He is all over people with great foot spe...
ALAN BLACK He was a little down afterwards,
ALAN BLACK It was a very tough region, very tough competition and a very good golf course.
ALAN BLACK This is great, this is a step in the right direction, but as we all know in every other sport, distr...
ALAN BLACK It feels real good to see the kids do what they've done this season. They went undefeated (11-0 in t...
ALAN BLACK To me I'm just a regular person going to the mall with friends, and now I'm in Forever 21 an...
REBECCA BLACK Clever as the Devil and twice as pretty.
HOLLY BLACK The real enemy" is the totality of physical and mental constraints by which capital, or class societ...
BOB BLACK You are what you do. If you do boring, stupid monotonous work, chances are you'll end up boring, stu...
BOB BLACK The first peace, which is the most important, is that which comes within the souls of people when th...
BLACK ELK If you're going to exude naivete, you can't really... walk out there like it's a Sting s...
FRANK BLACK And when I breathed, my breath was lightning.
BLACK ELK I read French much better than I speak.
CARA BLACK One of my assets is my fitness. My fitness around the net and my movement: that's my defense to ...
CARA BLACK Sport's always a good thing - it's healthy, and it takes your mind off other things.
CARA BLACK I need you to be happy. I need one of us to be happy.
HOLLY BLACK I can learn to live with guilt. I don't care about being good.
HOLLY BLACK I think there are a lot of really positive aspects to social media for novelists. Even though our wo...
HOLLY BLACK They wore their strange beauty like war paint.
HOLLY BLACK If curiosity killed the cat, it was satisfaction that brought it back.
HOLLY BLACK So you'll teach me?" Val asked.

Ravus nodded agin. "I will make you as terrible as you de...
HOLLY BLACK I got bored," he says. "Besides, you know what's creepier than walking around your dead brothers' ap...
HOLLY BLACK She loves the serene brutality of the ocean, loves the electric power she felt with each breath of w...
HOLLY BLACK It is the paradox of life that the way to miss pleasure is to seek it first. The very first conditio...
HUGO BLACK Big egos are big shields for lots of empty space.
DIANA BLACK Crippled things are always more beautiful. It's the flaw that brings out beauty.
HOLLY BLACK Baby," she says in a harsh whisper, "in this world, lots of people will try to grind you down. They ...
HOLLY BLACK I once rode a motorcycle across Tunisia, Algeria and Morocco!
CARA BLACK I loved everything about show business, meeting the stars, the whole ambience. I was living every yo...
CILLA BLACK There's never really been a time when vampires weren't so over that you would be crazy to wr...
HOLLY BLACK Any time anyone fires bullets in an action movie that don't hit the target it immediately underm...
SHANE BLACK An action film can have too much action; picture an equaliser on a stereo, with all the knobs pegged...
SHANE BLACK I've had a blessed life. I've pulled back from trying to control my destiny and gone back to...
CILLA BLACK I never ask for mercy and seek no one's sympathy.
CONRAD BLACK When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40s shouldn't play tennis. I heeded his ad...
HUGO BLACK The soldiers did go away and their towns were torn down; and in the Moon of Falling Leaves (November...
BLACK ELK And I say the sacred hoop of my people was one of the many hoops that made one circle, wide as dayli...
BLACK ELK It's hard to watch your life unfold, and sad. Life changes.
CILLA BLACK Our Constitution was not written in the sands to be washed away by each wave of new judges blown in ...
HUGO BLACK Illiteracy is rampant. People are out of communication.
KAREN BLACK 'Friday' is about hanging out with friends, having fun. I felt like it was my personality in...
REBECCA BLACK Sometimes dreams are wiser than waking.
BLACK ELK I make a mean peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
JACK BLACK You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.
JACK BLACK She looks honestly upset, but then, I’ve learned that I can’t read her. The problem with a reall...
HOLLY BLACK Misogynist is a word used by women about men who are able to describe women directly and accurately ...
ROBERT BLACK People said that video games were bad because they made you numb to death, made you register entrail...
HOLLY BLACK I once thought that I was the only man that persevered to be the friend of the white man, but since ...
BLACK KETTLE I promise I will repay you.”
“Oh yeah?” she asked, looking at him, with his bare feet an...
HOLLY BLACK We sent Lifeline of Ohio a photograph of Bill a few years ago. But we had never been able to see the...
BILL BLACK The final package is not yet decided. Neither of these institutions is out of cash. As we get to the...
BILL BLACK The biggest stumbling block is that the owner's identity is tied to the company. A lot of our work i...
BILL BLACK We're replacing two vans about 10 years old and (with) a ton of mileage, and one or the other has be...
BILL BLACK If you had a one person, one vote situation and if a Metro candidate was to win, there's a real risk...
BILL BLACK From a pure economic standpoint, I understand that this is a worldwide economic matter, but that sho...
BILL BLACK From a pure economic standpoint, I understand that this is a worldwide economic matter, but that sho...
BILL BLACK A special session may be premature, ... Do we have enough votes to do some of this? Is the governor ...
BILL BLACK They need to perform at a higher level than their competitors. They need to solidify and diversify t...
BILL BLACK Five years ago, he would have sold in a minute. Now selling is just one option.
BILL BLACK Back when I was helping put the swing into the swinging '60s, I used to hang out with Cathy McGo...
CILLA BLACK It's likely these new-to-wireless people might be lower income, and pre-paid might actually be perfe...
ANDREW BLACK There's an awful lot of people that still haven't gotten into the category and we ask ourselves the ...
ANDREW BLACK There was a lot of really useful stuff here. I'm planning on coming back next year.
ANDREW BLACK It appears that due to the sound and the noise, (the co-pilot) was unable to understand what the pas...
ANDREW BLACK We've ruled out foul play on behalf of any of the passengers. We're looking at it strictly as a poss...
ANDREW BLACK It's been slightly busier, and it was busy yesterday but nothing exceptional.
ANDREW BLACK We got it." Val grinned and lifted her fist. "Wonder twin powers activate!"
Ruth grinned back,...
HOLLY BLACK I would remain nearer you for what time there is."

"Gone in one faerie sigh," she quoted....
HOLLY BLACK No," said Luis, "You can't date the Lord of the Night Court."
"Well, I'm not, he dumped me." HOLLY BLACK Curiosity could be almost as powerful as desire.
SHAYLA BLACK I want you to give all these chiefs of the soldiers here to understand that we are for peace, and th...
BLACK KETTLE We all wind up drawn to what we're afraid of, drawn to try to find a way to make ourselves safe from...
HOLLY BLACK They told me I had been sick twelve days, lying like dead all the while, and that Whirlwind Chaser, ...
BLACK ELK You're yourself," Tana said, grinning. "More purely yourself than anyone I know. And if you can't se...
HOLLY BLACK No matter what we're trying to accomplish in life, or what career path we're trying to take,...
LUCAS BLACK Because they could not determine when they were going to be clear to land, it made no sense to conti...
ANTHONY BLACK