It’ll be the Date to End All Dates,” I told Gary as he nosed his way through my closet. “And yes, before you ask, it is capitalized just like it sounds. Great plans should always be capitalized.

Okay, time in. I can yell at whoever I want!”
“You really can’t,” Gary said. “It’s unattractive on you. Some people pull off the angry look. You’re not one of them.

AND HE was just so amazing,” I said as I braided Gary’s hair. “Like so selfless and awesome and he smelled like leaves and I think his eyebrows should be declared a treasure of the Kingdom.

You went full-on bitchy and made a dramatic exit?” He sounded way too gleeful over my histrionics. “I have taught you well, my young apprentice.

I fell in love with Ryan, you got jealous, then I fell out of love with him because he seemed needy, you tied me up, I got half a chubby because it reminded me of Octavio, and now you have a date with Ryan. Oops. I mean Todd. Gosh, I’m beat. What a long night.

Too bad you’re like my older sister. We could have been something special.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Older? You’re seventy-six!”
“Boo, you whore,” he said.