It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt

The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French.

I persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.

There are many humorous things in the world, among them the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages

The government of my country snubs honest simplicity but fondles artistic villainy, and I think I might have developed into a very capable pickpocket if I had remained in the public service a year or two.

He's given me enough homework to last ten years. I'm gonna die of nerdism.