Jeff Dunham
Related WILLIAM GOLDMAN SCOTT WESTERFELD LISI HARRISON CHRISTINE FEEHAN SHEL SILVERSTEIN J.R. WARD ELLEN DEGENERES -Do you want me to leave? MALAK EL HALABI SHEL SILVERSTEIN DAVE BARRY Yes no yes no yes no?DAVID BAIRD RACHEL CAINE J.K. ROWLING carne adovada burrito." DARYNDA JONES J.K. ROWLING J.K. ROWLING A Complete List of Lily's NicknamesSTEVEN ROWLEY RICK RIORDAN ERIC BOGOSIAN DEREK LANDY MAGGIE STIEFVATER God, he’s such a cocky, arrogant bastard at times. SAMANTHA TOWLE You wanted to live," he says.STEPHANIE KUEHN TERRY PRATCHETT DEREK LANDY SAPPHO CLIVE BARKER JANE AUSTEN AUDREY NIFFENEGGER JAMES PATTERSON DAVID LEVITHAN RICK RIORDAN Jesus ." DAVE EGGERS KAMAND KOJOURI STEVEN BRUST RAINBOW ROWELL ERNEST HEMINGWAY E.L. JAMES J.K. ROWLING Mental illness EMM ROY Do you know a cure for me?"KAREN BLIXEN J.R. WARD ANDREA GIBSON Hello," Life says, "Remember me?JACOB NORDBY Unless you have theDOMONIQUE BERTOLUCCI Yes, it was crunchy peanut butter. JASON BOHN TERRY PRATCHETT RACHEL CAINE SAMUEL BECKETT A.E. VIA L.J. SMITH E.E. CUMMINGS ANDREW HUSSIE DR. SEUSS WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE You read a book for the story, for each of its words," Gordy said, "and you draw your cartoons for t... SHERMAN ALEXIE Yes, world.ERIC JAROSINSKI Sheep?"GAIL CARRIGER CORMAC MCCARTHY RICHELLE E. GOODRICH TERRY PRATCHETT JAMES PATTERSON NEIL GAIMAN Do you think you wear a mask?’CATHERINE DOYLE JAMES PATTERSON ANTHONY T. HINCKS ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH CORMAC MCCARTHY ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPéRY Have you ever been in love?ALEX ADAMS NATSUKI TAKAYA Prioritise self-care & incorporate a MINIMUM of 60 mins 'ME TIME' into your daily routine. MIYA YAMANOUCHI See, the institutions and specialist, experts, you see. Yes, yes,CRISTINA MARRERO TERRY PRATCHETT Did you follow me here?"MICHELLE ROWEN Basch: So why don't you ask her out?SAMUEL SHEM God has three answers to our prayers:LORI LYONS I promise I'll never tell."JERI SMITH-READY Do I strike you as a frivolous man, Kelly?"BILL BLAIS People are not an interruption of our business. People are our business. A man's worst difficulties begin when he is able to do as he likes. It is hard to look up to a leader who keeps his ear to the ground. The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed. The more intelligent a man is, the more originality he discovers in men. Ordinary people see no diff... The intelligence is proved not by ease of learning, but by understanding what we learn. Communication is something so simple and difficult that we can never put it in simple words. Like threads of silver seen through crystal beads How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it. In everyone's heart stirs a great homesickness. That is the supreme value of history. The study of it is the best guarantee against repeating it. Our wisdom comes usually from our experience, and our experience comes largely from our experience. One thing about the school of experience is that it will repeat the lesson if you flunk the first ti... To reprove small faults within due vehemence, is as absurd as if a man should take a great hammer to... Faith is like electricity. You can't see it, but you can see the light. Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of... Some families can trace their ancestors back three hundred years, but can't tell you where their chi... A recent survey was said to prove that the people we Americans most admire are our politicians and d... If a man defrauds you one time, he is a rascal; if he does it twice, you are a fool. Flattery looks like friendship, just like a wolf looks like a dog. Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
More Jeff Dunham
JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM JEFF DUNHAM Winter's not over yet. I'm sorry. We're just at the end of February here. ALAN DUNHAM The last time we were above freezing was actually, it looks like probably Saturday afternoon at some... ALAN DUNHAM We're not going to get out of the 20s again today. ALAN DUNHAM Low this morning was 10, but it felt a lot colder than that. Wind chills were a little below zero. ALAN DUNHAM Boston and south will have the worst of the storm. Travel will be hazardous because of icy condition... ALAN DUNHAM The 85 mph wind, that's hurricane force. ALAN DUNHAM It will be mostly cloudy in the upper 30s, pretty nice weather. ALAN DUNHAM There will be a lot of rain and sleet mixed in. ALAN DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM DAVID DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM When you want to organize knowledge. you will be careful to base the classification upon essential q... BARROWS DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM Gerber's just an awesome player. I give her props for being this tall and she can see the floor so w... MARIAH DUNHAM Pay for one commercial package and add one or more free programs. Set the primary package to scan al... KEN DUNHAM DAVID DUNHAM I felt a little twinge in the groin. I tried playing with it to see if the groin would loosen up, an... MIKE DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM I really believe engagement is a way to solve international problems, through dialogue and discussio... ARCHIE DUNHAM The Western oil companies have really been kept out of Saudi Arabia for many, many years, and I thin... ARCHIE DUNHAM I think clearly, Gov. Bush would be much more pro business. ARCHIE DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM They're bloodsucking mosquitoes. You just can't get them all. KEN DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM I take the position that, because of the ex post facto clause, in essence, my client is being held f... DARRELL DUNHAM But Saudi Arabia and Kuwait offer, I think, the best opportunities in the gas sector. ARCHIE DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM This could serve as a springboard for more attacks on the Macintosh because it might spawn copycats. KEN DUNHAM in particular among his siblings. FRANK DUNHAM You should boot from a clean disk before removing a virus. Some viruses can't be cleaned any other w... KEN DUNHAM We put a lot of extra runners on base. Then we had some untimely errors and they had timely hitting. DAVE DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM The evil is not that you cannot change human nature. The evil is that human nature cannot change you... BARROWS DUNHAM A summary witness is ordinarily a dispassionate presenter, FRANK DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM We don't get it, but we get sanctions. It doesn't really matter where that witness is if there is a ... FRANK DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM She played a great defensive game. We all played great defense, it was our best defensive game of th... DAVE DUNHAM It was sloppy and we were rusty. Four of our girls just came off the basketball team and we're not q... DAVE DUNHAM I think this is good law. At some point in time, we have to say to defendants that if the statute of... DARRELL DUNHAM I think since the date of his arrest, my client has been held illegally. I think his constitutional ... DARRELL DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM There is a food fight going on there in the Executive Branch, I am sure. FRANK DUNHAM Obviously I'd like the man released. I think they [the government] probably concluded some time ago ... FRANK DUNHAM Whoop-dee-ding! They did the right thing. The court had to stand up for Hamdi. It's about all of us.... FRANK DUNHAM We don't even know if a guilty plea is going to be accepted by the judge on Friday. FRANK DUNHAM We could have people locked up all over the country tomorrow. The government saying 'trust us' is no... FRANK DUNHAM We have never authorized detention of a citizen in this county without giving him an opportunity to ... FRANK DUNHAM somewhat of a surprise, but not a total surprise. FRANK DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM There's just way too much excess going on in our country. People throw things away and don't appreci... LAURA DUNHAM I think the year anniversary kind of puts an end to that period of time when the mourning is over. LAURA DUNHAM The ocean can give life and easily take life. It was important for me, personally, to have some clos... LAURA DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM KATHERINE DUNHAM It's hard for a girl that short to see the floor as well as she does. Maybe she is small, but her pa... MARIAH DUNHAM We were trying to get offense going but we couldn't get anything going. We started going poor on our... MARIAH DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM LENA DUNHAM JEFF GREENFIELD JEFF SESSIONS Where I grew up, I could be a punk rocker and a jock. But in college, it became apparent that those ... JEFF AMENT I cherish my privacy, and woe betide anyone who tries to interfere with that. JEFF BECK Richard Donner's friendship and guidance showed me that there's more to life than being an a... JEFF COHEN JEFF FOXWORTHY JEFF BEZOS JEFF BEZOS JEFF BEZOS JEFF BEZOS JEFF BEZOS JEFF BEZOS I write for kids because I think the most interesting (and most humorous) stories come from people&#... JEFF KINNEY People are roasting each other at parties, at work events, around the fire. It's so fun. People ... JEFF ROSS JEFF BEZOS JEFF FOXWORTHY 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' is my first book, and it's the fulfillment of a life-long dream. ... JEFF KINNEY JEFF BEZOS Tyria's a big world. We get a grand tour in 'Ghosts of Ascalon.' We're in Divinity&#... JEFF GRUBB JEFF GREENFIELD You obviously don't really forget how to play the old songs; you just don't have to spend so... JEFF TWEEDY JEFF BEZOS Most cynics are really crushed romantics: they've been hurt, they're sensitive, and their cy... JEFF BRIDGES It's not about finding relevance or perfection or imperfection in objects, but it's that you... JEFF KOONS There's kind of a Zen aspect to bowling. The pins are either staying up or down before you even ... JEFF BRIDGES JEFF ZUCKER When I was growing up, my house was filled with books. My mother was an educator, and my father was ... JEFF KINNEY JEFF FORTENBERRY Puberty was the main culprit in ending my acting career. I went from being kind of this chunky littl... JEFF COHEN The Census Bureau can ask citizens very invasive questions, and if they don't respond, the gover... JEFF DUNCAN While the Census Bureau already has a legal obligation to keep people's information confidential... JEFF DUNCAN Monkeys can't talk, stupid! JEFF KINNEY JEFF NICHOLS JEFF ZUCKER Why - because as a oil and gas small business owner - I know if someone is not doing their job, they... JEFF LANDRY JEFF GREENFIELD JEFF GOODELL JEFF BUCKLEY JEFF LINDSAY JEFF GOLDBLUM JEFF FOXWORTHY JEFF BUCKLEY JEFF BEZOS JEFF FOXWORTHY JEFF FORTENBERRY If I'm on form and I'm not being bothered too much by mental problems or whatever, I can whi... JEFF BECK It's not a born-again thing; it was a peaceful, really, really cool moment where I just felt tha... JEFF FISHER JEFF LINDSAY JEFF GREENFIELD Stop trying to treat music like it's a tennis shoe, something to be branded. If the music indust... JEFF TWEEDY For special wrestlers, there's somewhere else to go - as long as you're not brainwashed by t... JEFF HARDY JEFF GOODELL JEFF BUCKLEY JEFF NICHOLS Editorial pages all say, 'Well, the other guy has a point, too. It remains to be seen how this w... JEFF MACNELLY JEFF SESSIONS JEFF FOXWORTHY Some of these people need ten years of therapy --ten sentences of mine do not equal ten years of the... JEFF ZASLOW But there is a limit to thinking about even a small piece of something monumental. You still see the... JEFF VANDERMEER JEFF LINDSAY JEFF DIXON JEFF GOLDBLUM JEFF VALDEZ JEFF PESIS JEFF DALY JEFF DEWAR
No more rhymes now I mean it!”
Probably? So you're asking me to trust my life to steel wool and peanut butter?"
Kuh-laire, Is cam a fattening Girl Scout Cookie layered with peanut butter and a chocolate coating?<... 
He looked pained. “I don’t eat peanut butter.” 
Knock! knock!
I have peanut M&M's up there."
Answers to Frequently Asked Questions:
No Difference
normal person's weekly chore list:
No. --Claire
Is it true that you shouted at Professor Umbridge?'
You should go order a sweet roll. Those are to die for. And a carne adovada burrito."
Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?"
Is Tyson okay?" I asked.
Jeff: I could go to New York if I wanted to, but what's the point? So I can learn how to order a cap... 
Clarabelle...Clarabelle... You worked as Kenspeckle Grouse's assistant, did you not?'
I asked,”Are you going to pick up next time I call you?”
WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU HADN'T SAVED HIM?
What's a Dullahan?'
You will have memories
You’ve always got me”
I understand Crawford paid you a visit?"
Do you ever miss him?
And you're blind?"
You wanna-I dunno-get coffee or something sometime?"
Poseidon raised his eyebrows as they shook hands. “Blowfish, did you say?”
Thank you," he says.
Like a pair of old slippers,
I have something to tell you."
Reagan was sitting up at Cath's desk when Cath woke up. 
And you'll always love me won't you?
Are you still mad at me?"
Let me also say I wanna make you sandwhiches,
Bursar?"
Clov: Why this farce, day after day? 
Have dinner with me tonight?” Day asked his voice full of emotion.
Katherine," he said. He was still smiling.
Love is a place 
There is also a CAN OF PEANUTS on the desk. Ha ha, oh DAD. You won't be falling for THAT one again a... 
And will you succeed?
JAQUES: Rosalind is your love's name?
A man is always right to pursue the thing he loves.
Not every day is awful.
Someone killed my Mother and my Father and my Sister?"
We'll all go out together when we go.
Dad?" Jesus asked.
I have a light
You have to carry the fire."
So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--
Tohru: "Call a doctor, or a vet, or something! Mr. Postman! It's terrible! You see?! They're animals... 
We just got a tour bus. I didn't know tour buses could be this nice. It's just me, Brian Han... 
Family time was very difficult when my girls were little, but I never missed a birthday; I was there... 
The best place to find material is in real life. I've always maintained that it's not until ... 
I quit acting when I was 11 because I was cast as a bouncing ball in 'Alice in Wonderland,' ... 
Efficiency is intelligent laziness. 
If you dance, you dance because you have to. Every dancer hurts, you know. 
Black people should have recognition for themselves and their backgrounds and their relationships wi... 
I really think that aside from admiring my talent you really admire me as a person and as a woman. 
When I graduated college I had a series of just humiliating jobs that I couldn't believe I was a... 
It's very easy for me to say what success is. I think success is connecting with an audience who... 
It strikes me as a sound, honest statement for a prospective voter to say: 'Look, I haven't ... 
I do believe we have voter fraud in America. 
That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring. 
Market leadership can translate directly to higher revenue, higher profitability, greater capital ve... 
We expect all our businesses to have a positive impact on our top and bottom lines. Profitability is... 
It's not an experiment if you know it's going to work. 
Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it? 
The beauty of the Internet is that anybody can be a broadcaster now. 
Some states like Nebraska have thus far responsibly managed their budgets, even in tough times, and ... 
What Richard and Mildred Loving did was, by their nature, not by any calculus, they separated themse... 
Protestations of indifference to higher office are hard to take seriously when the 'non-candidat... 
One of the pillars of backward thinking in America is the idea that you can have jobs or you can hav... 
I'm actually the son of Mary Guibert. My mother was born in the Panama Canal zone and came to Am... 
I certainly try to avoid getting bogged down in forensics. There is certainly a whole lot of other w... 
I love the ocean. Boats, not so much. 
Sensitivity isn't being wimpy. It's about being so painfully aware that a flea landing on a ... 
Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if y... 
People can transcend and overcome their differences and be very easily bonded. 
For the first time I could remember, I felt weak, woozy and stupid— like a human-being. Like a ver... 
From the industry's point of view, the problem is not that coal companies blast the top off moun... 
I am not going to approve the home-screening format for my film just carte blanche in lieu of a thea... 
I am not the Jeff Sessions my detractors have tried to create. I am not a racist. I am not insensiti... 
You can't do everything but you can do something! 
Acting is nothing more or less than playing. The idea is to humanize life. 
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can not get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. 
Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked. 
Two monologues do not make a dialogue. 
Change happens in the boiler room of our emotions... so find out how to light their fires. 