Jesus waited three days to come back to life. It was perfect! If he had only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard he died. They'd be all, "Hey Jesus, what up?" and Jesus would probably be like, "What up? I died yesterday!" and they'd be all, "Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude..." and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, and how it was a miracle, and the dude'd be like "Uhh okay, whatever you say, bro..." And he's not gonna come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy, doing chores, workin' the loom, trimmin' the beard, NO. He waited the perfect number of days, three. Plus it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already, and they're all in there like "Oh no, Jesus is dead", and then BAM! He bursts in the back door, runnin' up the aisle, everyone's totally psyched, and FYI, that's when he invented the high five. That's why we wait three days to call a woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait.... True story.


Barney Stinson

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I'm calling into question consistently, since I've been on the board, a lack of the communication fr...
BARNEY BISHOP
We are pleased with the turnout. We have some legislators, but we'd like to have some more.
BARNEY BISHOP
Unless she's caught something, she hasn't eaten since Saturday afternoon.
BARNEY BISHOP
Pat Moynihan could write books with one hand and legislate with the other. I can't; I have a sho...
BARNEY FRANK
I'm used to being in the minority. I'm a left-handed gay Jew. I've never felt, automatic...
BARNEY FRANK
An interesting thing happened in 1989, right as I was graduating: the stock market crashed and reall...
MATTHEW BARNEY
I'm antisocial - there's no question about it.
BARNEY FRANK
What would be the nicest thing I could say about Newt Gingrich? He may be one of the great supporter...
BARNEY FRANK
I was still closeted, but from the day I decided to run for office, knowing that I was gay, I decide...
BARNEY FRANK
I've always thought of the project as a sort of sexually driven digestive system, that it was a ...
MATTHEW BARNEY
I am very proud of the role I played in getting legal equality for people who are lesbian, gay, bise...
BARNEY FRANK
In this view, the role of the great majority of Americans is simply to buy the products produced, wo...
BARNEY FRANK
But on those occasions when I do strongly disagree with the Democrats and I don't say anything, ...
BARNEY FRANK
The fact that they're a congressionally chartered group should no more incline people to give to...
BARNEY FRANK
Community action is as valuable a principle on the international level as it has been domestically.
BARNEY FRANK
A lot of these angles are really about trying to mimic broadcast sports angles in order to anchor th...
MATTHEW BARNEY
In the end they were dead weight. We didn't have to use them because we went through the rough water...
BARNEY WILLIAMS
The risk is to try and copy last year's model. Our focus has been preparing for the unknown.
BARNEY WILLIAMS
Our 60-plus came together and worked well as a group to brainstorm ideas, identify issues and shortf...
BARNEY WELCH
He played tailback for us last year, but he is primarily a defensive player now.
BARNEY HESTER
We had a chance to give the ball to a bunch of guys. It shows that we have some talented, capable gu...
BARNEY HESTER
Daniel has great speed and is a special young man. He had a pretty incredible night.
BARNEY HESTER
not diluting the marriage between a man and a woman.
BARNEY FRANK
They not only didn't do anything to protect him, they're not doing anything now to protect people in...
BARNEY FRANK
If the Bush economic program is as successful as they say it is, why do they keep firing everybody w...
BARNEY FRANK
My hope who ever owns it, whether we get it or the owner, somebody needs to clean it up. It's an eye...
BARNEY DUFFY
It's easy to think about what would have happened if Hurricane Charley didn't hit. But it did. And n...
BARNEY DUFFY
I think its real important as we plan ahead for the Charlotte High of the next 50 to 75 years.
BARNEY DUFFY
I have been mislabeled as a big advocate of low-income home ownership over rental.
BARNEY FRANK
an extraordinarily stupid rule.
BARNEY FRANK
It is a terrible allocation of scarce resources, ... The time has come to de-emphasize the manned sp...
BARNEY FRANK
I think Gore was over-reacting in some ways to the criticism that Clinton hadn't pushed hard enough.
BARNEY FRANK
He was good at what he did,
BARNEY FRANK
Let us not say that we will decide on a political basis at the national level that no State is compe...
BARNEY FRANK
'Jackass: The Movie' is great. I think it's in the tradition of physical comedy, which I...
MATTHEW BARNEY
I think Microsoft would be free to go into wireless devices and broadband access, and anything else ...
DOUG BARNEY
It's no longer just a Windows, Microsoft Windows and Intel-based world.
DOUG BARNEY
Even for some of the real networking pros, this thing can be a beast to fix.
DOUG BARNEY
What's troubling is that the Republicans to defend Mr. DeLay are weakening the ethics process.
BARNEY FRANK
The Clinton tax increase - which was an increase in taxes primarily on upper-income people - not onl...
BARNEY FRANK
The left and the right live in parallel universes. The right listens to talk radio, the left's o...
BARNEY FRANK
She's just struggled through this because she loves the game so much and wants to play. For her, hop...
CURTIS BARNEY
We've had to learn to compensate a little bit without her. We've had some sophomores and juniors ste...
CURTIS BARNEY
It was just extra special. I couldn't even speak to tell her to go in; I was so emotional about it. ...
CURTIS BARNEY
That was one of the hardest things I've had to do. I couldn't even speak her name to tell her to go ...
CURTIS BARNEY
She's probably the most versatile player I've ever coached.
CURTIS BARNEY
When community action was put into federal law in the early sixties as part of the effort to combat ...
BARNEY FRANK
That was a team thing. A lot of kids continued to put up a few points here and there for us to win i...
DAVE BARNEY
It's easy to pick us up out there.
DAVE BARNEY