Joan Rivers telling Lauren Bacall her dress is all wrong is like Carrot Top telling Lenny Bruce he needs to get an edge.


Dennis Miller

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One night while KLIPH NESTEROFF Any comic like myself owes everything he has to Lenny Bruce. He was the originator. The godfather of...
JOE ROGAN
Imagination is the highest kite one can fly. -Lauren Bacall.
LAUREN BACALL
He has done shows for celebrities like Regis Philbin and Joan Rivers.
SCOTT KONKOL
It's cinematographic to smoke. Imagine Lauren Bacall without a cigarette.
MARJANE SATRAPI
Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.
CRISS JAMI
Surgery is not going to improve your skin - all it's going to do is make you look tighter, like ...
MARIE HELVIN
Joan is very funny. I'm always telling her she's a fraud: Everyone thinks she's fragile and humorles...
NORA EPHRON
Two Five Letter Words: Lenny Bruce
ARTHUR GODFREY
A woman telling her true age is like a buyer confiding his final price to an Armenian rug dealer.
MIGNON MCLAUGHLIN
I've been telling him all year he needs to be more aggressive and shoot more. We've had to encourage...
SKIP PROSSER
Bruce is a very compelling story. We're telling the story of a man who's here to tell a story.
CHRISTOPHER JOHNSON
Lauren Bacall, James Garner, and Jack Lemmon - they're all gone now, but I was so impressed by t...
JOHN HEARD
Next to her, I felt like Carrot Top in drag.

Cat re: Annette
JEANIENE FROST
My influences were Woody Allen and Lenny Bruce.
DAVID STEINBERG
As a bounty hunter, I have to dress the part. If I came to the door and looked like Carrot Top, you&...
DUANE CHAPMAN
Tony Blair was telling Murdoch what he wanted to hear because he needs Murdoch's support,
MARTIN BELL
I don't have an act. I just talk. I'm just Lenny Bruce.
LENNY BRUCE
There are a lot of unknowns about these diseases, and CWD is probably the most enigmatic.
GLENN TELLING
This shows muscle contains infected material. Anybody who may be handling or eating infected deer ma...
GLENN TELLING
What I don't want to do is be an alarmist. What I wanted to do with this paper is to address some ob...
GLENN TELLING
If I were to eat venison I wouldn't feel comfortable eating venison from areas where chronic wasting...
GLENN TELLING
Bill Maher fancies himself the reincarnation of Lenny Bruce.
BERNARD GOLDBERG
Lenny Bruce is a very moral man trying to improve the world and trying to make audiences think.
DOROTHY KILGALLEN
My mom is always telling me it takes a long time to get to the top, but a short time to get to the b...
MILEY CYRUS
If we could get her to play like that every night, there's no telling how good she could be.
BRIAN HARRIGAN
His whole personality was like an elaborate joke that he never stopped telling.
LEV GROSSMAN
In a time of universal deceit - telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
UNKNOWN
But the only comparison that I want to Lenny Bruce is that I'm funny. I'm Freddie Prinze, Pu...
FREDDIE PRINZE
I think Carrot Top is hilarious.
CRAIG ROBINSON
The truth is . . . Well, the truth is the truth, and thus worth telling, but sometimes truths are so...
MERRIE HASKELL
It is the lies he's telling her - as he has been, Nassun understands suddenly, her whole life - that...
N.K. JEMISIN
Being an actor is an extension of telling a story and I loved story telling as a child.
AMANDA BURTON
He was telling an interesting anecdote full of exciting words like "encyclopedia" and "rhododendron"...
A.A. MILNE
A Joan Crawford dress looks really good on an hourglass figure.
TRINNY WOODALL
It never hurt Lenny Bruce's career to get arrested for swearing. It did back in the time, but he...
JOE ROGAN
Telling someone about what a symbol means is like telling someone how music should make them feel.
DAN BROWN
This is telling me, personally, that something is wrong. But we still have to see what happens later...
DR. JOEL GALLANT
Life is an audition.
THOMAS FLAJNIK - ANTICHIMERAPODAL
I told you what his salary was. Y'all act like I was telling you wrong.
CHARLES BROOKS
If the side effects of an antidepressant drug are hallucinations telling you to kill yourself, there...
RANDOLPH GORDON
Country music is all about telling stories, and we're just telling a little different one.
TAYLOR DYE
When I read the actual story - how Gatsby loves Daisy so much but can't ever be with her no matter h...
MATTHEW QUICK
When I was 16 or 17, I saw Lenny Bruce being taken to jail. They took him off stage because he talke...
PAUL MOONEY
A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're...
RICKY GERVAIS
All's well that carries on well
AMIT ABRAHAM
I mean, I was always interested in people like Lenny Bruce, people who are breaking the old rules an...
FAYE DUNAWAY
Try chewing carrots, it's crunchy
SOTONYE ANGA
Bruce Wayne is Batman. He became Batman the instant his parents were murdered. Batman needs Bruce, h...
KEVIN CONROY
Man, after all my grandma put into me learning the piano, that was a hard day, telling her I was tel...
JAMIE FOXX
Getting fired is nature's way to telling you that you had the wrong job in the first place.
HAL LANCASTER
No. 1 ? that he was telling us all along that he will not get paid. And No. 2, to take away this mon...
DAVID MERMELSTEIN
Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people.
SPENCER JOHNSON
Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people.
SPENCER JOHNSON
If you find yourself drawn to an event against all logic, go. The universe is telling you something.
GLORIA STEINEM
The kiss & tell being is a person with very low self esteem,so he/she got to boost his/her ego by te...
DAVID ATTA (A.K.A DAVIED ATTLARS & MR DAIN)
The person I talked to didn't believe me when I told her I was getting the wrong bill. She kept tell...
JIM TOTH
It is an occupational hazard that anyone who has spent her life learning how to lie eventually becom...
ALLY CARTER
Telling the truth to yourself is Integrity; Telling the truth to others is Honesty; Telling the trut...
ISRAELMORE AYIVOR
Telling the truth is less demanding than telling a lie.
ERALDO BANOVAC
Well, I think my stand-up is often kind of visual. Not like Carrot Top visual, but visual.
MICHAEL IAN BLACK
In my opinion, Lenny Bruce was more of an influence on Zappa's satirical lyric's than anyone...
JIMMY CARL BLACK
We know there needs to be diversity in storytellers telling their own stories. I think there's a...
AVA DUVERNAY
There are a lot of ways to check her story out and that's what we have been telling people. She didn...
HELEN ADAMS
She always been an assistant (in club) and she never said much, but every once in a while (as head c...
LINDSY EVANS
My mom choreographed the top Olympians; she's really the queen of ice in her world, so I kind of...
HAYLEY KIYOKO
She was telling us that he dumped her in the garbage, that he cut her clothes off, threw her shoes, ...
DERRICK JOSEPH
I'm not arguing, I'm just telling you why you're wrong.
ANONYMOUS
I never fired anyone for telling me I was wrong.
GRAHAM SPEECHLEY
It is like what (Oakland Mayor) Jerry Brown said, 'You can't go this far with mayors,' ... It is lik...
ALLEN SETTLE
Telling people how to get better is aggressive; answering them when they ask is kind.
JIM GENOVESE
I was also a big Woody Allen fan. When I got into college I listened to Lenny Bruce but it's tak...
MARC MARON
Telling me to relax or smile when I’m angry is like bringing a birthday cake into an ape sanctuary...
AMY POEHLER
He never stood out. Even today, we were hoping maybe for a top-10 finish. We were telling Ted to be ...
BILL LIGETY
Will, the boy who loved the same books she did, the same poetry she did, who made her laugh even whe...
CASSANDRA CLARE
I wanted to live where I could pop to the bar that Humphrey Bogart took Lauren Bacall to, or the lit...
ASHLEY JENSEN
The great advantage about telling the truth is that nobody ever believes it.
DOROTHY L. SAYERS
They made a very detrimental move by telling us who brought back the team morale over there -- Bruce...
AUSTIN CARTY
It's like a doctor telling someone who loves to eat high cholesterol foods that he may get a heart a...
IRIANTI ERNINGPRAJA
Dennis needs to phone home.
JOSE RIVERA
I'll be 80 years old next month. I'll never get through telling her my life. I don't have all the ti...
ED PREWIT
Christianity is one beggar telling another beggar where he found bread.
D. T. NILES
All we can do is go around telling the truth.
CARSON MCCULLERS
If there's a morale problem at United Airlines, the employees aren't telling people about it. Their ...
MIKE BOYD
He was basically telling me that I was working way too hard. He was telling me, calm down.
CHARLES WELDON
the definition of insanity is the whole world telling you you're dead wrong, when you couldn't be mo...
KENNETH WATERS JR
I was extremely impressed with Lauren Miller. She finally had a more consistent match. I think this ...
AARON LYNN
I had to keep telling her I'd promised not to let her violate me.
CARRIE JONES
As a father, I always want my son to be perfect. When he was young, I tried to train him in martial ...
JACKIE CHAN
I was about 12 when I heard my first Lenny Bruce record. He was already dead. But it changed my life...
PENN JILLETTE
Carrot Top... I gave him advice once and he ran with it. He should thank me.
RIP TAYLOR
Flattery is telling the other person precisely what he thinks about himself
DALE CARNEGIE
[He insisted that Democrats were heading in the wrong direction before he took over, telling] View ....
JOY BEHAR
Situations like that are when Lauren is in her domain. She's such a competitor and she refuses to ge...
DENISE AINSWORTH
I keep telling people that the library is a changing dynamic, and it is hard to get that message acr...
KRYSTA TEPPER
Autobiography is an unrivaled vehicle for telling the truth about other people.
PHILIP GUEDALLA
Autobiography is an unrivalled vehicle for telling the truth about other people.
PHILIP GUEDALLA
She's just got an instinct for knowing where the ball is coming down. I don't want anyone to take th...
JAY PARKER
Just like I've been telling people all year, Ryan isn't going anywhere.
DON MILLER
I just felt for Lauren it is a better opportunity for her to go off, get away from home and have an ...
CARI MARTIN

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I have never written that there is a threat of fascism in America. I always considered the idea over...
DENNIS PRAGER
We owe our troops more than rhetoric; we owe them a real plan. The Administration has yet to put for...
DENNIS CARDOZA
Our two biggest rivals had adjusted their whole season to this one aim of beating us. Of course, it ...
DENNIS BERGKAMP
I've been busy for years, buying land, often under pseudonyms, and planting trees on it. All the...
FELIX DENNIS
When I was a kid, we never heard of smog, ozone depletion, acid rain, green house gasses.
DENNIS WEAVER
What is negotiation but the accumulation of small lies leading to advantage?
FELIX DENNIS
There have been huge Muslim demonstrations against cartoons depicting Muhammad and any other perceiv...
DENNIS PRAGER
I learned a lot I wouldn't have learned roaming the streets of Dallas.
DENNIS RODMAN
Poetry is plucking at the heartstrings, and making music with them.
DENNIS GABOR
Happiness is dependent on self-discipline. We are the biggest obstacles to our own happiness. It is ...
DENNIS PRAGER
People who get trapped in the tunnel vision of making money think that is all there is to life.
FELIX DENNIS
Whatever feminists may say about their only advocating choices, everyone knows the truth: Feminism r...
DENNIS PRAGER
Yet, while producing increasingly selfish people, the mantra of the Left, and therefore of the unive...
DENNIS PRAGER
With the demise of the biblical religions that have provided the American people with their core val...
DENNIS PRAGER
Corruption is Africa's greatest problem. Not poverty. Not lack of riches. Not racism.
DENNIS PRAGER
There was a time when liberalism was identified with anti-Communism. But the Vietnam War led liberal...
DENNIS PRAGER
In the biblical worldview, the purpose of all creation is to benefit man. This anthropocentric view ...
DENNIS PRAGER
When Jews left Judaism, they didn't stop being religious. They simply swapped God-based Judaism ...
DENNIS PRAGER
For some reason, the evolutionists have not come up with an evolution-based explanation for why huma...
DENNIS PRAGER
The essence of the Hebrew Bible, transmitted by Christianity, is separation: between life and death,...
DENNIS PRAGER
Of all the characteristics needed for both a happy and morally decent life, none surpasses gratitude...
DENNIS PRAGER
Hamas is a terrorist organization dedicated to annihilating the Jewish state. It runs a theocratic t...
DENNIS PRAGER
There is no limit to suffering human beings have been willing to inflict on others, no matter how in...
DENNIS PRAGER
If your religion doesn't teach you the difference between good and evil, your religion is worse ...
DENNIS PRAGER
There's a lot more power in calm than in vituperation.
DENNIS PRAGER
For the Left, tolerance does not mean tolerance. It means first, acceptance. And second, celebration...
DENNIS PRAGER
Complaining not only ruins everybody else's day, it ruins the complainer's day, too. The mor...
DENNIS PRAGER
As you get older and wiser you realize that when people are given anything without having to earn it...
DENNIS PRAGER
This life is like a swimming pool. You dive into the water, but you can't see how deep it is.
DENNIS RODMAN
I think first impressions are important when you pick up a script.
DENNIS FARINA
Rather than dividing the world between good and evil, the Left divided the world in terms of economi...
DENNIS PRAGER
Between the three, Facebook is literally everyone I've ever shaken hands with at a conference or...
DENNIS CROWLEY
Coming back to a television series puts you back in the limelight and gives you a platform for your ...
DENNIS WEAVER
If we had a hydrogen economy worldwide, every nation on earth could create its own energy source to ...
DENNIS WEAVER
We're the only species that have crapped up the planet and the only species that can clean it up...
DENNIS WEAVER
I feel responsible; I feel I've got to do something that will leave the kids a place where they ...
DENNIS WEAVER
When we realize we can make a buck cleaning up the environment, it will be done!
DENNIS WEAVER