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Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.


Groucho Marx

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I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ...
KELLY JONES Laugh and the whole world will laugh with you, Cry and you will cry alone!
MERYY LINAY Laugh, and the world laughs with you; Weep, and you weep alone.
ELLA WHEELER WILCOX Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
ANTHONY BURGESS Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone.
ANTHONY BURGESS Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
ANTHONY BURGESS Laugh, and the world laughs with you.
Scream, and everyone ignores you.
ANTHONY T. HINCKS The world would not be in such a snarl,/ had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN The world would not be in such a snarl, had Marx been Groucho instead of Karl.
IRVING BERLIN I was always a fan of Groucho Marx as a kid.
MICHAEL FELDMAN Marry the one who laughs when you laugh, and you are clever; marry the one who cries when you cry, a...
MATSHONA DHLIWAYO The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.
GROUCHO MARX Megan has the loudest laugh the in the world. You can hear her from a mile away with that laugh. Meg...
CAT OSTERMAN Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspe...
JOHN LITHGOW Laugh, and the world laughs with you; Weep, and you weep alone; For the sad old earth must borrow it...
ELLA WHEELER WILCOX Laugh and the world laughs with you; Weep, and you weep alone; For the sad old earth must borrow its...
ELLA WHEELER WILCOX Laugh and the world laughs with you, be prompt and you dine alone. For the sad old earth must borrow...
GERALD BARZAN Those who laugh with you when you laugh are acquaintances, those who cry with you when you cry are c...
MATSHONA DHLIWAYO Laugh, and the world will join in; cry and whine, and that same world will tell you to shut the hell...
MELISSA SZYMANSKI Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone;
For the sad old earth must...
ELLA WHEELER WILCOX She buys "mixed salad greens" for seven dollars a bag, triple-washed with who knows what. And to get...
RUDOLPH DELSON Laugh and the world laughs with you,
Weep, and you weep alone;
For this brave old earth must...
ELLA WHEELER WILCOX A mirror can do something better for you which maybe your best friend can’t. Cry and it will cry w...
VIKRANT PARSAI The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Throughout my life, there are four people I've met who were truly original people. The other thr...
ALICE COOPER I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come ...
GROUCHO MARX We have tears in our eyes
As we wave our goodbyes,
We so loved being with you, we three. ROALD DAHL If a woman laughs when you hurt her, you ought to cry, for you have lost her; if she cries, you may ...
MATSHONA DHLIWAYO I think sometimes there is no right thing.
ROSAMUND HODGE There isn't a single human being who hasn't plenty to cry over, and the trick is to make the laughs ...
DOROTHY DIX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
LINDA KAGE Laugh and be merry, remember, better the world with a song. / Better the world with a blow in the te...
JOHN MASEFIELD Elizabeth had never been more at a loss to make her feelings appear what they were not. It was neces...
JANE AUSTEN But sometimes you can't figure everything out because you can't ever really understand other people....
WILLIAM LANDAY ... sometimes in life, you either laugh or you cry. And I prefer to laugh.
JIM STOVALL The universe only laughs at you when you can't laugh at yourself.
DOMINIC C. HOWARTH Lambhood and tigerishness may be found in either gender, and in the same individual at different tim...
MARGARET ATWOOD Everything has it's own time and place, Transformation becomes effortless when we go with the flow.
SHELLI THOMPSON The main thing in one's own private world is to try to laugh as much as you cry.
MAYA ANGELOU Whatever you laugh at in others, laughs at yourself
HARRY EMERSON FOSDICK When the green woods laugh with the voice of joy, And the dimpling stream runs laughing by; Wh...
WILLIAM BLAKE When the green woods laugh with the voice of joy, And the dimpling stream runs laughing by; When the...
WILLIAM BLAKE Strong men cry. Stronger men cry or laugh with them.
BRENT M. JONES I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints.
BILLY JOEL If you are thinking whether to cry or laugh, cry.
NIKOLA IVANOVSKI You get to know them, and all about their family, their aches and pains. Sometimes you laugh with th...
HARVEY WOLTER That was just wrong. We were watching the Bears game and with two minutes left the satellite went ou...
LEW FORD You either laugh or you cry. The crying comes later.
JAN PINNEY Love is what makes you want to cry and laugh at the same time.
VALERIE ROSE STERRETT Stop running from me and listen. I do want you. I want you even knowing if I marry you, I’ve got a...
LISA KLEYPAS When the green woods laugh with the voice of joy,
And the dimpling stream runs laughing by;
Wh...
LORD (GEORGE GORDON) BYRON Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you
GROUCHO MARX Forever is a long long time and time has a way of changing things
WALT DISNEY COMPANY When we put LIVE backwards it spells EVIL, interesting how one word can have two totally opposing me...
GARY F EVANS... I love you." she whispered into the rough wool of his sweater.
L.J. SMITH And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three,...
MONTY PYTHON I make mistakes. That's what I do. I
speak without thinking, I act without
knowing. I d...
CANDACE BUSHNELL Everyone gets dumped and everyone gets hurt and there's karma to love in regards to what you'...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS My dad's quite a conservative person, and he brought me up to be very questioning of the commerc...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS I don't think she's a lesbian. I think she just ran out of men. [Charlotte]
SEX AND THE CITY When you are with the wrong person, who doesn't really love you, all you want is to be adored. I...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS I really like the look of the 1950s, lots of suburban Americana influences. I'm 5'4', so...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS I am very curvy, so the vintage stores suit me better than most designers. I just can't seem to ...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS I have quite a lot of plastic sunglasses. It's just a nice accessory, it adds a final thing, and...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS I lived in Greece for about four years of my life, and living there had a huge impact on my life gro...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS I love natural beauty, and I think it's your best look, but I think makeup as an artist is so tr...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS I think celebrity culture and sexuality in pop music is really important, but I want there to be an ...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS I'm not really part of that 'L.A. thing' or that celebrity culture. I'm more like so...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS This obsession with celebrity culture is really unhealthy. I don't want to live my life like tha...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS Even when I see a beautiful woman, I think, 'Aw, her life must be amazing.' Everyone does it...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS Blonde symbolises sexuality and power - it holds very different connotations. The archetypal star ha...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS Love is really my nemesis. I never really allowed myself to indulge in such basic things because I w...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS Britney Spears is a big influence. Huge. I think people thought I was joking about that for a long t...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS Puberty is a phase... fifteen years of rejection is a lifestyle. [Stanford]
SEX AND THE CITY I criticized the whole American songwriting industry and the pop side of it and I was bitter about i...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS I often take things I find in vintage crawls and hand them to a very good seamstress, who then repli...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS I've read every Madonna biography. I've also looked up every pop star to see how they first ...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS Oh my God, she's fashion road-kill!
SEX AND THE CITY I love you, but I love myself more.
SEX AND THE CITY Maybe mistakes are what make our fate... without them what would shape our lives? Maybe if we had ne...
SEX AND THE CITY Desperate Housewives.
SEX AND THE CITY Sean (while ice-skating with Carrie): I'm guessing it's easier to balance when you're not smoking.Ca...
SEX AND THE CITY I want you to look at me, connect with me. This is lovemaking, it's not a porno flick. [Maria]
SEX AND THE CITY I once was broken up with by a guy's doorman. 'I'm sorry Ms. Hobbes, Jonathan won't be coming down. ...
SEX AND THE CITY I feel like everyone has the right to privacy, even if you're the most famous person in the worl...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS When you are in the studio, you don't have anybody to feed off of; meanwhile, when you are playi...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS I am absolutely not a roll-on-stage kind of girl! I would be totally freaked out if I didn't war...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS It's a slippery slope, Carrie. Without boundaries you never know what might happen. [Miranda]
SEX AND THE CITY the sort of person who'd back Proposition 14.
SEX AND THE CITY A stud is born! [Stanford]
SEX AND THE CITY Maybe we should get married.[Charlotte] Alrighty.[Trey]
SEX AND THE CITY My Zen teacher also said: the only way to true happiness is to live in the moment and not worry abou...
SEX AND THE CITY Homeless to Harvard: The Liz Murray Story.
SEX AND THE CITY No lady likes to dance or dine, accompanied by a porcupine. Burma Shave.
SEX AND THE CITY I don't think I'm an instantaneous act the whole world will love in one second - but that...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS What's the big mystery? It's my vagina, not the sphinx! [Miranda]
SEX AND THE CITY My style icons are Leigh Lezark, Gwen Stefani and Shirley Manson.
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS I do have a memo all the time because I need to be guided by something in my life. I'm not relig...
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS I'm masquerading as an innocent pop star.
MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

More Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
GROUCHO MARX Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
GROUCHO MARX I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west ...
GROUCHO MARX I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about som...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day...
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
GROUCHO MARX Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and...
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
GROUCHO MARX How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How...
GROUCHO MARX I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
GROUCHO MARX I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
GROUCHO MARX Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.
GROUCHO MARX Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
GROUCHO MARX What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna p...
GROUCHO MARX I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!
GROUCHO MARX One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
GROUCHO MARX If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
GROUCHO MARX A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell...
GROUCHO MARX Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early ...
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make d...
GROUCHO MARX A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time / unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Life is a ...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the w...
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and rea...
GROUCHO MARX If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words....
GROUCHO MARX Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
GROUCHO MARX I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
GROUCHO MARX I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
GROUCHO MARX I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
GROUCHO MARX A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I...
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
GROUCHO MARX I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
GROUCHO MARX Humor is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
GROUCHO MARX I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
GROUCHO MARX I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yes...
GROUCHO MARX Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and app...
GROUCHO MARX I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
GROUCHO MARX Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he...
GROUCHO MARX I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every...
GROUCHO MARX We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her sta...
GROUCHO MARX I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a ...
GROUCHO MARX She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
GROUCHO MARX I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
GROUCHO MARX No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.
GROUCHO MARX I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and ...
GROUCHO MARX Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
GROUCHO MARX There's one way to find out if a man is honest-ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
GROUCHO MARX She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is han...
GROUCHO MARX Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GROUCHO MARX I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THA...
GROUCHO MARX I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows ...
GROUCHO MARX Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day ...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long e...
GROUCHO MARX My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on t...
GROUCHO MARX I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX Women should be obscene and not heard.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
GROUCHO MARX I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure
GROUCHO MARX The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you’ve got it made.”
GROUCHO MARX Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you ...
GROUCHO MARX My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually te...
GROUCHO MARX Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price ...
GROUCHO MARX Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t...
GROUCHO MARX I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library ...
GROUCHO MARX You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it
GROUCHO MARX Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX [When Judy Garland lost the 1954 best actress Oscar to Grace Kelly in] The Country Girl, ... Dear Ju...
GROUCHO MARX I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.
GROUCHO MARX Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
GROUCHO MARX Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana
GROUCHO MARX Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money
GROUCHO MARX Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women
GROUCHO MARX A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have...
GROUCHO MARX If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it...
GROUCHO MARX I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
GROUCHO MARX Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I...
GROUCHO MARX It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
GROUCHO MARX Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member
GROUCHO MARX I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but ...
GROUCHO MARX Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
GROUCHO MARX I'm giving you 30 days to live.
GROUCHO MARX She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party
GROUCHO MARX Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed
GROUCHO MARX A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
GROUCHO MARX And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.
GROUCHO MARX Remember, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably far more than she's ever done!
GROUCHO MARX Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.
GROUCHO MARX Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
GROUCHO MARX A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX Blood's not thicker than money
GROUCHO MARX I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
GROUCHO MARX Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
GROUCHO MARX The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stay...
GROUCHO MARX Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I...
GROUCHO MARX I cannot say that I do not disagree with you
GROUCHO MARX I would never belong to a group that would accept someone like me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. Wh...
GROUCHO MARX Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
GROUCHO MARX I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member
GROUCHO MARX