Leno, Conan. They are both really funny. They really know how to land one.

I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.

The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

People have disliked me. You know, in high school, I wasn't the most popular kid. I wasn't the nerdiest kid. I was kind of in the middle.

When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who makes ballon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must be.